Planning on leaving - things I should be doing before I do

Buddingblonde

Rather a practical thread and I am trying to be as practical as I can at the moment.
This isnt going to be a post full of infidelity or name slinging - I just feel that after 10 years there is nothing more to be gained from staying with my partner. The flaws in his personality and in this relationship now bother me too much to stay.

So what should I be doing?

So I am looking for tips and hints from those who have split from a long term relationship where you will be leaving the home (OH and I own the home but he and his daughter live there so it will be easier for me to leave). I can afford a rent and he can afford the mortgage on his own (with tax credits for daughter which we dont currently get as joint income too high).

And before anyone asks - no, he doesnt know but I dont think he will be surprised in the slighest after yet another argument/day of not talking.

tanith

If you don't already have it in place (I'm sure you do) a bank account for your salary that is yours alone . Gather any personal papers, insurances, passport, birth certificate, bank stuff and car stuff if you have one and keep them safe away from the house if poss just in case . I'll have another think and come back and update .. jewellery and photos..

McKneff

Really, I think you should be telling him before tellin us to be honest.

Tips

Talk to him abaout practicalities,

Find somewhere to live

Move out on a date arranged.

Dont forget to reassure the child that you still love her and youre leaving Dad, not them and you will see her as often as you can,
obviously you will realse it isnt the child's fault. Please let her be foremost in your mind when you do this,, presumably she will be
devasted.

Buddingblonde

tanith wrote: »

If you don't already have it in place (I'm sure you do) a bank account for your salary that is yours alone . Gather any personal papers, insurances, passport, birth certificate, bank stuff and car stuff if you have one and keep them safe away from the house if poss just in case . I'll have another think and come back and update .. jewellery and photos..

Thanks Tanith - wages already in own account - we have a shared billing account which we both d/d money into when we are paid. Will sort out essential paperwork and move it into my office at work - dont have any family or friends where we live so I cant trust anyone to take stuff for me.

Buddingblonde

McKneff wrote: »

Really, I think you should be telling him before tellin us to be honest.

Tips

Talk to him abaout practicalities,

Find somewhere to live

Move out on a date arranged.

Dont forget to reassure the child that you still love her and youre leaving Dad, not them and you will see her as often as you can,
obviously you will realse it isnt the child's fault. Please let her be foremost in your mind when you do this,, presumably she will be
devasted.

Thanks McKneff but to be honest I would rather I was further down the line with my prep rather than OH promising to change and make things better - there is only so many times you can be told this before you think b*gger it! I have no intention of just vanishing one day but the living together split up is hellish and the easier I can make this break up, better for all concerned.

SD is aware how bad situation is between me and OH - she is 16 and has only been here a few months but even she has commented on how unhappy we both are and how damaged our relationship is. It is best for her and her father that that have the space to build their relationship without an atmosphere.

Emmzi

ask your bank about renting a safe deposit box, safer than the office.

Buddingblonde

Emmzi - thanks for that. I didnt know that you could do such a thing for general paperwork. Will get onto that tomorrow.

Volupturaptor

Make sure you inform every company that you are paying for anything, that you are moving out.
I managed to miss out BT, my ex told them I was dead, then when they discovered that I was not, they cut off my phone at my new address, until I paid the huge bill he had run up ringing my mobile...

Buddingblonde

Thanks Volupt - have been through my online banking and made a note of everything that has my name on it

no1catman

Loyalty cards:-

Have you got a Tesco CC?
1) Is it in your name i.e. you have a main card with your name on it, as opposed to using a keyfob card of HIS.

2) Is it just in your name, or are both your cards linked together in a joint account - you get one statement with both names on it.

Ensure that any 'points' go to the right card e.g. mobile 'phone, E.ON, and change address once you know it.
If 'joint' and you split before the 28th Jan., ensure the account is split into separate cards.

yesican

Volupturaptor wrote: »

Make sure you inform every company that you are paying for anything, that you are moving out.
I managed to miss out BT, my ex told them I was dead, then when they discovered that I was not, they cut off my phone at my new address, until I paid the huge bill he had run up ringing my mobile...

LOL-Im so sorry for laughing at your post but i just found myself doing so-How can anyone claim that their ex-partner is dead when in fact they're alive ??????
This world shocks me every other day...