Deliciosa’s DFW diary

kittyminx

Hi Deliciosa,

Please don't beat yourself up...sounds like you had a great weekend and really enjoyed it at the time.....you may feel guilty now but hey, everyones a genius with hindsight. Thing is lots of us on here have done what you did last weekend, some more, some less....but most of us have..the whole thing with these boards and being DFW is that we need to change habits, some of them habits we picked up in childhood or somewhere along the way and habits take time to break. Look back at your weekend and think about how you can learn from it, then next time you can spot the signs and next time you go to get in a cab think about how you are feeling now.

What's done is done, no amount of guilt can change it...sometimes you need to just blow the budget, after all you've been so careful with your money....may be you've been a bit too careful and your budget isn't realistic for you, why don't you allow yourself so much a month ie £30-40 for things like dinner with friends/make up etc then you'll be able to enjoy your treats without feeling guilty...I allow myself £50 a month for 'spends' and i'd go insane without it!!! I love my make up and face creams etc and just feel that I'm doing really well with paying things off and managing my money etc etc that what I allow for treats stops me having huge splurges...for me it's a bit like dieting...if I deny myself for too long then i'll binge!

Take care and please stop feeling guilty!!

Kitty

LookingAhead

Hi Deliciosa.

I hope you are feeling a bit better now.

I have to say, you almost sound like you are talking yourself into giving up. But I know you don't want to do that. So that can't be true can it?

So if it's not true, then, I guess all those negative words in previous posts were just a reaction to your spending.

And the big spending might just have been a reaction to doing so well for so long and trying not to spend on anything.

Hmmm, I see a bit of a pattern here.

You need to strike a balance. Total deprivation doesn't work. Budgets, generally DO. I wish we could bottle that feeling we get when we've blown stacks of cash then feel really cr ap about it as it would stop us doing it again, but we can't bottle it.

Tell you what though, you could write it all down in one of those journals? After all you bought the b uggers you might as well use them for something useful!!

Write down how cr ap you felt and refer to it often.

Another thing you could do is cut the credit cards up. Or at least all but one. if you really need one for booking air fares to go see family etc. And that could possibly be locked away or frozen or something.

For years I battled constantly with the whole "I won't spend ever again and I will save money.........oh yes I will spend money and sod the savings!" see-saw mentality. In fact I battled it for, oooh, about 14/15 years! Always convinced I would sort myself out.

Eventually I just saw the light that I cannot resist spending on nice things to make me feel good. Which is fine if you budget for it and have paid of previous debts. But I hadn't.

So the cards had to go - snipped to pieces. the old ways weren't working for me I figured that out after 15 years!

Don't feel guilty about spending money on yourself, you live & work in the free world Deliciosa. But budget honey. BUDGET.

I promise you, you can pay off your debt and spend some money too and not get those guilty horrible feelings. It's like eating 0% fat ice cream! :rotfl:

gallygirl

You can feel as guilty as you like but it won't change anything. You've identified a pattern which is good - now do something about it....

Do something constructive involving scissors.....cut the cards up then you won't be tempted again. Or, if you need one for emergencies freeze it in a block of water. By the time you've WALKED home to defrost it the urge will have passed.

Don't be too hard on yourself, we've all been there, bought the tshirt/bag/boots/coat etc etc

deliciosa

Hello!

Thanks everyone for writing and for encouraging me.

I just decided to face what I have spent and add them up. I had a budget of £600 (incl bills and holiday etc etc) for this month, and it turns out that so far I have spent... £934.44. I have blown my budget by more than three hundred pounds!!!!!!!!!

This means that if I do not want to be charged interest I will have to pay at least £900 to american express (ie, pay it off in full). This leaves me with only £100 to throw at my debts in Apri!!! This wont even cover the minimum payments... I need to come up with a solution because this is just simply horrible - how could I have been so stupid? So stupid.

Onedayiwill: Ive just done what you suggested, and now tryign to recover from the shock but it had to happen. I just ahvent got a clue what to do next.

SF: no more stuff to put on ebay, nothing to sell, nothing to get money from... nothing at all. What I need is a big bowl of melted chocolate, or three...

Kitty: my problem is that I DO allow myself sepdning money, and te I spend it, and more... I just have no self control at all, and as LA said it here as well, its a bit like "Im going to spend, sod the savings" attitude, when I am just fed up.. I know I need to change the habit but its just not working, I just dont know. I need to pull myself together, this cant go on like this.

At least there is something positive, namely that I ahve not touched my M&S card or HSBC card, this basically means that whatever money goes on them (debt payoff), stays on them and the debt eventually reduces on them anywya.

LA: you always know the right words to say.... No, I am NOT giving up, no way, I am in a mess, dont want to get into a bigger one, no way. But its hard. I started to get scared about every single small thing, work, finances, friends, everythign, debt is such a horrible thing. Youre also right about the pattern. sometimes even a £15 savign emans the world to me and other times I just pay £85 without thinking... I will make one of those journals into a money journal. But if I fail I will just lose the will to write in it.... sometmes the only thing that keeps me going is this forum and you lovely lot...

I wish there were such thing as 0% fat ice cream...

So lets see the positive things:

1.) I have not touched my other cards.
2.) I managed good on the food budget.
3.) The bag was a really good buy
4.) I am teaching today thats a £20 (seems so small after I have just blown away £300... :(:(:(:()
5.)

I cant really come up with anything else positive.
And I had to buy new batteries for my phoen yesterday because it broek and that wa s£15. Gosh I am getting into the desperate state again....

I gotta go and have a hot chocolate. This is now an official emergency situation

slowlyfading

Dont get into a desperate state, things aren't as bad as you think they are. Even £20 is better than getting nothing, right? Maybe leave your cards at home in future so you can only spend cash? That's what I try to do.
Nicola x

atypicalblonde

Hello hun!!

Have just caught up on your posts.... basically want to re-iterate what everyone else has said - YOU ARE DOING FABULOUSLY WELL - do not feel too hard on yourself at all. Everyone has a blip, you are most certainly not alone (my penchant for nice skincare items and yummy foods from M and S are my weaknesses!!)

I think it is great that you have made a list of the positives, and cutting the cards up is a great move. I have been arguing back and forth with myself all weekend in my head about whether or not to sell a designer purse I have, that i bought pre-LBM .... it is lovely but I barely use it (5 times in 2 years!!)... so I am going to put it on ebay and hopefully that will be another £50 towards the overdraft fund....

It is great that you are doing so well with your food budget as I know you were having some difficulties with this - you should be very proud of yourself. Can I join you for a hot chocolate?! xx

atypicalblonde

slowlyfading wrote: »

Maybe leave your cards at home in future so you can only spend cash?

really great idea - cold hard cash is much harder to hand over than the plastic.

Deliciosa - have you been keeping a spending diary?x

deliciosa

slowlyfading wrote: »

Dont get into a desperate state, things aren't as bad as you think they are. Even £20 is better than getting nothing, right? Maybe leave your cards at home in future so you can only spend cash? That's what I try to do.
Nicola x

I dont think Im there yet.. I cant leave my cards. I will leave them all home but the amex. I am so attached to that little blue plastic!!!! so pathetic. I feel lost without it.

deliciosa

atypicalblonde wrote: »

Hello hun!!

Have just caught up on your posts.... basically want to re-iterate what everyone else has said - YOU ARE DOING FABULOUSLY WELL - do not feel too hard on yourself at all. Everyone has a blip, you are most certainly not alone (my penchant for nice skincare items and yummy foods from M and S are my weaknesses!!)

I think it is great that you have made a list of the positives, and cutting the cards up is a great move. I have been arguing back and forth with myself all weekend in my head about whether or not to sell a designer purse I have, that i bought pre-LBM .... it is lovely but I barely use it (5 times in 2 years!!)... so I am going to put it on ebay and hopefully that will be another £50 towards the overdraft fund....

It is great that you are doing so well with your food budget as I know you were having some difficulties with this - you should be very proud of yourself. Can I join you for a hot chocolate?! xx

Hi ATB, thank you!

The next card I will cut is the HSBC but hey I ahvent spent on it since January, and that was only one purchase and onlybecause new look dont take amex!! And now it wont even be the case cus it is sitting at home!!!

Ohh lovely designer purse, what make is it.. and whats your ebay name??

I am so glad that at least I dont have overdraft (only £50), it soudns scary that the money you have is never actual money, just access to money.. I fully sympathise and I hope you can pay it back quickly. One of myu friends has a £600 overdraft.... and maxes it out all the time..

yes to the chocolate... of course. I am based at paddington!!:o

deliciosa

And yes I do ahve a spending diary.. havent been able to touch it since last Thursday..