2 children & pregnant dilema

VfM4meplse

ZARA wrote: »

i just cant seem to get rid of him

This makes me sad. You know what you need to do for the sake of your family, yet you keep letting them down.

This man is a selfish child who has exploited your vulnerability, and you don't need him.

ada1988

if he does not reat you well.Just leave him.
a man should protect his woman,that can be called like a Man.

jamespir

not being funny love what you need to do is put him outside shut the door and have done with it his behaviour is unacceptable ignore the bs about stress from his family

you have three kids you need to concentrate on how do you think they feel if dads violent towards them

blue_monkey_2

Find the strength to tell someone who can help you - next time you go to see the midwife, tell her. Health Visitor. GP. Tell them and ask for help.

If you can get Legal Aid get an injunction so he cannot come near you or the children and then you will realise you can do this on your own.

What is your living situation, are you renting from the council? if so go and speak to them and ask them to change the locks for you - that would be a start. If you own your house together (although from reading the OP, I doubt that) go and speak to a solicitor and get legal aid and get the injunction so he cannot come back into the house.

Thenext time he lifts a hand to you or the children, find the strength to call the police. Once you have that strength it will change your life.

I have a male friend going through the same thing, he has found that strength and has now realised how much life is better without her being in the house and there is no going back.

Yes, every father does have the right to see his children but if he is hurting those children, those rights are revoked by the courts. Be honest with someone and you'll not have to see him again and can get your children away from him. They will probably see him at a contact centre.

You may not think you are hurting them but you are, living with abuse will affect them for a very long time and they will probably become victims of domestic abuse themselves, they may even go on to become abusers because they see this as a normal way of life. YOU have to change this for yours and the childrens sake. Please find the strength to tell someone today.

Be strong and do this today. You CAN do this but it has to be you who makes the decision, we cannot do this for you, we can only offer you help and try to make you understand you should not be living like this. Have a look on the local police website for Domestic Abuse and they will give you an advisor you can call on at any time.

victory

If anyone laid one finger on my children I would never so much as give him a second thought, it would be down the police station, reporting him and having nothing to do with him...ever.

looby75

ok this is probably going to be a hard post for you to read but I think you need to know what kind of effect this will be having on your children.

My mum married my stepdad when I was 3, I never knew my biological dad so took my step dad on as my dad. Everything was fine until my sister was born then my step dad started being very "strict" with me. It started out as a smack on the bum or being made to sit facing the wall for hours, and as I got older dad got "stricter" the smack on the bum became harder and harder smacks all over my body, leaving huge bruises but for the most part in places that were covered in clothes. Then there was the mental punishments, being told how horrible I was and how if I could just "act my age" he wouldn't have to be so "strict"

I thought thats what all parents were like, I thought it was normal to have your food taken off you and thrown in the bin because your knife and fork were making too much noise on the plate as you ate. That it was normal to have to do your homework by torch light because your lightbulb in your bedroom had been confiscated, oh and of course it was normal to be thrown in a bathtub, have your head smashed off the wall and slapped repeatedly across the head and face all because you had broken a glass, got a bit of it stuck in your finger and panicked when you couldn't get it out.

Yeah thats the moment I realised my dad wasn't being "strict" he was being abusive, it didn't stop there though and I was too scared of telling anyone, the one time the school noticed something was going on I was put into care which was so horrible I ran away and convinced the SS that things weren't that bad at home and I had exaggerated.

Now I don't know how badly your boyfriend hits your children, but believe me it will be damaging them and if he keeps getting away with it will only get worse. Do you want your children to look back in years to come and think the same thing I do, Why the hell didn't my Mum protect me, why didn't she stop him. I know why now, it was easier for her to let him do it to me than to stand up to him. After all he was only being "strict" with me and if I had just "acted my age" and not wound him up so much he wouldn't have to be so "strict" in the first place.

You know what you have to do, for the sake of your children, and yourself in the long run. Don't take the easy way out, get rid of him, you and your kids are worth more than what you have now.

elvis86

bikebarbie wrote: »

How on earth can you even consider a relationship with a man that is violent towards your children?? :mad:
You might be @@@@ enough to accept it but should NEVER put your children in a vulnerable position, or put your regard for a man before the safety of your children!

This^^^

And you've let him get you pregnant with another one for him to abuse?!

You need to get a grip and do right by your kids. And if you won't put them first, I hope a professional does notice what you, their mother, is subjecting them to at the hands of your boyfriend, and I hope they do get taken off you and placed with someone who will look after them properley.

balletshoes

fannyanna wrote: »

I think the question you need to ask is not why he keeps coming back but why you keep taking him back

spot on - he can crawl all he likes - you are the one opening the door and saying yes please come back into my life.

Shut the door next time and say thanks but no thanks - and mean it.

Oldernotwiser

Do you actually live with this man?

whitewing

Read looby's post over and over. And think that the next bout of violence may be with your newborn in your arms, as has been stated elsewhere on MSE.

Get him out of your life. Your own health and that of all of your children are priorities 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6. Everything else is priority zero.