2 children & pregnant dilema

ZARA

Hi to all, im in a (relationship) with somebody 9 yrs younger then me, i have 2 kids with him & am 8 months pregnant with his 3rd child.
i have been with him for 7yrs but his family make my life hell because they are not happy about the age gap & the fact that i have 2 kids from my previous marriage, my first husband died from cancer.
He is a mummys boy & listens to everything she says, he has been violent towards myself & the kids & i have caught him cheating on me twice his excuse for this is that he has stress from his family.
He doesnt help me out financially i work & pay the mortgage & bills as well as look after the kids.
My mates keep saying hes no good & to completely cut him out, i have tried this many times but as soon he sees that im over it & getting on with my life he always comes crawling back.
i just cant seem to get rid of him, will i be stuck in this situation for ever? It gets me feeling very depressed, hes very controlling & gets abusive & violent, i dont know what to do. He sometimes says im not worth the headache he gets from his family so i dont understand why he keeps coming back.

fannyanna

I think the question you need to ask is not why he keeps coming back but why you keep taking him back

ZARA

I take him back because he always wears me down with his talk & promises of how hes realised & because i have children with him.

Bumpmakesfour

So this bump is baby number 5?I think deep down you know the answer..that you need to leave him permanantly.Do you realise the damage all this will be doing to your children never mind you?

fannyanna

I don't like telling people what to do with their relationships but here's something to mull over.... Sometimes I think it's a lot easier for people to stay in unhealthy and unhappy relationships than it is to make a break and go it alone. But what's easiest isn't normally what's right.

nuttybabe

ZARA wrote: »

Hi to all, im in a (relationship) with somebody 9 yrs younger then me, i have 2 kids with him & am 8 months pregnant with his 3rd child.
i have been with him for 7yrs but his family make my life hell because they are not happy about the age gap & the fact that i have 2 kids from my previous marriage, my first husband died from cancer.
He is a mummys boy & listens to everything she says, he has been violent towards myself & the kids & i have caught him cheating on me twice his excuse for this is that he has stress from his family.
He doesnt help me out financially i work & pay the mortgage & bills as well as look after the kids.
My mates keep saying hes no good & to completely cut him out, i have tried this many times but as soon he sees that im over it & getting on with my life he always comes crawling back.
i just cant seem to get rid of him, will i be stuck in this situation for ever? It gets me feeling very depressed, hes very controlling & gets abusive & violent, i dont know what to do. He sometimes says im not worth the headache he gets from his family so i dont understand why he keeps coming back.

if one of your friends told you the above in bold what would you say?

bikebarbie

How on earth can you even consider a relationship with a man that is violent towards your children?? :mad:
You might be @@@@ enough to accept it but should NEVER put your children in a vulnerable position, or put your regard for a man before the safety of your children!

BitterAndTwisted

You fell for his promises in the past and what happened? This swine is a millstone around your neck and a danger to your children. What do you want people to tell you? How much more danger and unhappiness you want your children to endure?

Emmzi

well honey, at 8 months gone, that baby's getting born and even though it is number 5 I am sure you will love him/ her every bit as much as 1 - 4, but you might be a bit tired!

You may be feeling a bit vulnerable and hormonal at the moment,. Who do you have that can support you? sounds like you have some sensible mates.

There is a sticky on this board about women's aid. You don't have to be set on leaving to talk to someone there; they have all kinds of help available and will be happy just to talk. i think it would help a lot.

Blue_Elephant

Just a thought - don't underestimate the effect domestic violence of any sort can have on kids. Any sort of poverty can be dealt with and gotten over, but living with your parents damaging each other (I include emotional violence here) stays with you for life.

If he won't go away, maybe you need to be somewhere he can't find you. I don't mean leave the country, but literally move house, (even if it means renting out yours and renting somewhere else till you're sorted) change your number etc.

The fact that he hits the kids, well words fail me. Report him to the police, make sure at least the kids injuries are documented so no one suspects you yourself of abuse. Imagine if a teacher spotted the bruises and you hadn't got them seen to? People in those positions are duty bound to report, and will treat the whole thing as worst case scenario until proved otherwise just in case. Could you bear for your kids to be taken into care because of the actions of this man?

I understand its hard. I understand more than I would like to truth be told, but choose your children, you're all they've got.

property.advert

Perhaps not the immediate thing to consider but as near the top of the list as makes no difference, stop having kids and until you've sorted that problem, stop having sex. Then you won't have to deal with number 6.

Of course get rid of the useless lump, get him nicked for hitting the kids if need be but get rid of him. Then sort yourself out.