Life doesn't begin at 40.....

Savvy_Sue

kittie wrote: »

too many people go running to the gp when things go wrong over a period of time and they get a bout of blues. What on earth happened to self-reliance and to just getting on with it. I second the time of year being a causation, get a biobulb or two and take some vitamin D. You`ll be bouncing in no time. There are people far far worse off and wallowing in self pity does nothing to help you

I think this is a bit harsh. It may just be the time of year and one thing too many going wrong, and it may be that the OP will be bouncing in no time, however none of us is in a position to know if she is just suffering 'a bout of blues' as a result, or if she is actually clinically depressed. And speaking as someone with a history of extreme reluctance to go 'running to the GP' until my 'bout of blues' has turned into quite serious depression, I wouldn't rule out talking to the GP. A good one should be able to work out how bad things are, and if unsure suggest coming back after the festive period to see if things HAVE improved.

Errata wrote: »

How do you cope? Eyes forward, don't look down, don't look back and forward march often works.

Oh agreed, and I've done the whole 'mind over matter', counting my blessings, keep on keeping on thing. And I've done it for years, and I've done it repeatedly. And frankly, there are times when I should have stopped doing it and taken up my GP's offer of anti-depressants rather sooner than I actually did.

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

Choosing to go to the GP for help is being self reliant

I agree. If the OP had a niggling pain in their leg which didn't go away after several months of being sensible, had no obvious cause and didn't stop them functioning, it would be wise to get it checked out and foolish to say "lots of people are worse off than me". IMO depression is a niggling pain in the brain, it often has no obvious cause (or we think the good parts of our life ought to outweigh the grotty 'stuff'), it doesn't always stop us functioning, but waiting until we feel truly awful more often than not before getting help just doesn't make sense (even though that is EXACTLY what I am prone to do!)

Of course the OP could investigate things like Vit D, St John's Wort and other non-prescription remedies: I'm not convinced that lightboxes are THAT useful. But it doesn't sound as if this is a mood which started last week, it sounds as if it's been going on for a while, and there are reasons for it. The non-GP remedies may help (always read the instructions!) but if they don't, seeing the GP would be a good idea.

And actually, one of the things I have had to learn is that 'pretending' to be OK, because I have so many good things in my life (family who love me, a warm home, enough to eat, a job I enjoy etc), when actually I am crying inside most of the time, doesn't actually work. If I'm honest that I'm going through 'a bout of blues' I'm likely to get through it faster.

This is how it is for me, it may not be how it is for anyone else on this thread.

meer53

I too struggled on for over 18 months trying to cope when my ex left me with 2 children. I'm quite a positive person on the whole but eventually had to admit defeat and went to see my GP. After a lovely conversation with my practice nurse, (i had a premature baby at 42, then husband decided to have an affair, she concluded that i could have had PND for some time !) she managed to talk me into trying a mild anti depressant " to see if it would make me feel better" Well, i can honestly say that it was the best thing i could have done.

Within a couple of weeks, my world seemed much brighter and on a day to day basis i coped much better, there were no massive highs, and no desperate lows anymore. I just coped. Every day. I took them for 18 months, then decided that i didn't need them anymore (even though all the !!!! was still ongoing with my ex) I've taken them again once since, for about 6 months and would honestly recommend that anyone who feels they can't cope should at least discuss them with their GP, and not dismiss them.

The OP sounds like a strong character, but that was how people viewed me. We all (mostly) get through whatever life throws at us, but sometimes a bit of help, from whatever source can make things easier.
Savvy Sue is spot on.

cavework

This is not a ' we are worse off than you ' post. This is just an honest reply..
My parents are 89 and 87, They celibrated their Diamond Wedding Aniversary this Year.
They had two children and worked hard all their lives to buy the home they chose in 1950 .
Dad had a stroke 2 years ago and now has to live in a Nursing Home, he has huge problems , cannot talk properly and has severe vascular dementia , but he still remembers MUM .. Mum still lives at home.
My Sister died in a RTA 30 years ago aged 18 .. not sure if Dad remembers her.
I took my Dad to a rememberance service for VJ day in our local town in July this year. He was in a wheelchair .. although he recognised faces he could not hold a conversation as his words are usually just a jumble that do not make sense.
One thing that amazed me was he said clear as a bell , time and time again
'We are so lucky'
xxx

topsales

I also think that a visit to the GP is in order - sometimes things just become so 'on top of you' that an anti depressant over a very short period can really make all the difference...

pepper33

topsales wrote: »

I also think that a visit to the GP is in order - sometimes things just become so 'on top of you' that an anti depressant over a very short period can really make all the difference...

I agree, I waited too long, and have had to take time off work, due to depression and anxiety...... There is nothing wrong with taking anti depressants, its better than feeling so down all the time. I am waiting for mine to take affect/effect on me.... I have so many financial worries, and am losing weight etc.... I just want to cry all the time.

I was actually on here looking for postings on equity release on our house. but came across this...;)

[Deleted User]

I think you need a BIG HUG!! :grouphug:

Although I don't know WHAT they are doing in the above picture! lol

Anyway , its not SURPRISING you are feeling down as you have been through ALOT of major things , one after the other so have LOADS of different emotions to deal with least of all GRIEF over the loss of your Mum which is a BIGGIE and takes a long time to recover from and money worries DO get you down

''Try to not let it all get on top of you'' doesn't work when you are feeling overwhelmed

Only thing to do is one by one get through ALL the emotions which come up so you don't bury them which is the worst thing to do

Find someone to talk to with whom you can get it all of your chest

Getting divorced in itself must have thrown up lots of anger etc

But the feelings WILL pass and at least you are acknowledging them..

My problems seem minor now but anything which DOES come up to annoy , upset or trouble me I try to deal with it all at the time so I can move on effectively without it weighing me down so I can perk up again once I've come / gone through it

I hope things get better for you and you treat yourself to some pampering and the tlc you need right now! xxxx

missile

You might like to find the words of Seasick Steve (one of my favourite artists) insprirational.

If you want to be loved, make yourself into some who can be loved.

out_of_cash

missile wrote: »

It seems you have your health and two daughters who love you?

Count your blessings, there are a lot worse off than you seem to be.

I totally agree!

Invalidation

ceegee wrote: »

Life doesn't begin at 40, nor 50, nor 55. I don't think it will ever begin for me, now.

I am sorry to be so miserable on here. The reason I posted is, I think, in the hope that there are wise people here who can perhaps impart some words of wisdom........

I would suggest you wake up and smell the sunshine. You are alive, probably heathy and have a house and 2 kids. A lot more than others.
Try being disabled and near confined to a house for 20+ years as life goes on around you, then live in fear of her Majesty's (spit) Government harassment of the disabled.
Get out and get a life and stop feeling sorry for yourself. You're a long time dead.

jellies

I thought life began at 60 now (???)