Life doesn't begin at 40.....

ceegee

Life doesn't begin at 40, nor 50, nor 55. I don't think it will ever begin for me, now.

I am 56 and I am very down. My ex-husband and I divorced many years ago, but through hard work and living on a very thin shoestring, I managed to pay off the remaining mortgage on the house. I shall have to work until I'm 66 to get my state pension.

We have two beautiful, charming and intelligent daughters who live with me. They are absolute delights and are doing well. One is 23 and progressing well in her chosen career. She lives at home whilst she and her partner are saving diligently for a house deposit. The other is 19 and is thoroughly enjoying her studies at a nearby university. She lives in Halls and comes home in the holidays. I cannot speak highly enough of either of them.

Life has never been easy....even as a child there was barely enough money and my sister was the "preferred" child. I am what is jokingly referred to as a "born worrier". But it doesn't help that things keep happening. In the past two and a half years (these are the most major things.......I haven't included "everyday" mishaps like water leaks, someone hitting my car and "minor" things like that, although they happen on almost a weekly basis) I fell and broke my right wrist which meant I couldn't work for 7 weeks (physical job). My Mum passed away last year. This year my younger daughter had a dreadful fall and had major surgery for multiple fractures to her leg and ankle. She couldn't walk for two months......right when her University interviews started. Then I needed major house repairs this Autumn (house wouldn't have "survived" the Winter (total costs £8500). Yesterday evening I discovered that I have a leak in the roof and there is a growing stain on my bedroom ceiling.

I am so down. Things never seem to get better. It is just one major blow after another, set against a constant backdrop of lesser blows and I really feel as if I don't want to go on if life doesn't improve. I have counted my blessings in the past (i.e. my beautiful daughters), as a way of coping, but it doesn't seem to work now.

I am sorry to be so miserable on here. The reason I posted is, I think, in the hope that there are wise people here who can perhaps impart some words of wisdom........

missile

It seems you have your health and two daughters who love you?

Count your blessings, there are a lot worse off than you seem to be.

cavework

Hi OP,
Could you list the lovely things that have happened in your life .. from the smallest to the biggest?
Did you get up today and something really small just made you smile?
Is your bed really comfy?
Is your home warm?
Do you have food in your kitchen cupboards?
Did a stranger smile at you today and just strike up a conversation?
Sometimes the negative things in life make me overlook all the positive things that also happen.

meer53

I'm 54, my husband had an affair and left me with a 3 year old and a 14 year old. My parents are both dead, my ex MIL is the !!!!! from hell, my son dropped out of Uni twice, then lost his job and was made redundant from his last job. I had to have an operation on both my knees so i was off my feet for weeks, my daughter has some emotional issues resulting from my ex's stupidity and now, also has to cope with the fact that he has now also split from his slapper of a GF. Guess who's left to sort her out ? My ex has now decided to quit his job ( 6 figures) to look after his small children with the slapper, consequently i now get no maintneance and as he previously paid my mortgage, i find myself having to remortgage in my name (he has a CCJ too) on a part time salary or i will lose my home. I'm down by £1400 per month due to him not working anymore.

BUT - do you know what ? I'm happy. Everyone has problems in life, some worse than others and i always remember that. I'm not saying you shouldn't feel this way, but all you need, and i know it's hard, is to try your best to be positive. I take things a day at a time, i hope you can pull yourself out of this, keep your chin up ! xxxx

ceegee

Thank you, lovely people, for your replies.

Good things in my life........

2 beautiful daughters and, as far as I know, we are all in good health.

Mortgage and debt-free, although money will always be extremely tight. I don't desire material possessions, fancy cars, holidays and so on........I'd rather have my daughters (which is just as well!)

My job, although physically tiring and unsociable hours is as secure as a job could be, given the current financial/economic turmoil.

Our home WOULD be lovely if only it would stop falling apart. I have just spent nearly all my savings on getting repairs done (including some roof work) and yesterday evening a stain appeared on my bedroom ceiling.........rain has come through the roof.:( My builder is a decent chap and he will be around on Monday to investigate. He uses a subbie for roof work and I am pretty sure that the subbie has done something to cause this leak.

Really, I think this is what is now getting me down. It may sound silly, but after 20-odd years of struggle bringing up my girls on my own, my Dad losing his battle with cancer, my Mum passing away last year, my daughter's accident and surgery this year, then the massive house repairs, I thought to myself "I've dealt with all these things and a new year is just around the corner, I know that things will be better from now on". Really positive thoughts.

When I awoke this morning, I had a feeling almost of euphoria for a brief moment, and then I remembered the roof leak and I just sank down into misery again, thinking how stupid I was to have had the momentary feeling of euphoria. It's just the relentlessness of it...it never damn well stops.

I do know what is important.......my family. Me and my girls. When I saw my daughter wired up to a morphine pump.....I can't bear to think about it.......I knew then that the only things that mattered were my daughters and their happiness and wellbeing.

Writing all this down has actually been quite therapeutic. It hasn't fixed the roof leak, but it has enabled me to see things more clearly and so for enabling that to happen.......I thank you all very much.:o

ceegee

cavework wrote: »

Hi OP,

Sometimes the negative things in life make me overlook all the positive things that also happen.

I will remember this. Thank you, cavework.

meer53

I know that feeling when you wake up, then you realise what you have to deal with ! It's rubbish. Week before Xmas last year i had a burst water pipe inside a kitchen cupboard, the kitchen had only been fitted 2 months before. To get to the leak, the cupboards had to be removed and part of a wall demolished. It was minus 12 at the time and we had no heat or water for 3 days, everybody in the world had plumbing emergencies that week ! I can honestly say that anything to do with leaks is the worst thing to have to deal with, water is sneaky stuff, it gets in where it shouldn't, and when you don't want it to ! In a couple of weeks, when your roof is sorted, you'll wake up with that lovely feeling again ! Just remember if you can cope with your daughters accident, you got through that, a leaky roof is nothing ! My point of reference is my daughter too, she was premature, 3lbs and in a Neo Natal Unit for 5 weeks, hooked up to all sorts of machines and tubes. She's 11 now, and a pain in the backside, but she's healthy and i thank God every day for that. Whenever i look back i think "how on earth did i get through that ?" but i did, taking one day at a time is the trick. Join me, it works.

ceegee

meer53 wrote: »

BUT - do you know what ? I'm happy. Everyone has problems in life, some worse than others and i always remember that. I'm not saying you shouldn't feel this way, but all you need, and i know it's hard, is to try your best to be positive. I take things a day at a time, i hope you can pull yourself out of this, keep your chin up ! xxxx

I see quite a few similarities, meer53. My girls were 3 and 11 months when my ex-husband went off. It was one heck of a struggle, but he helped with some financial support for quite a few years. I took on the mortgage, luckily it was relatively small.

Knees? Gosh, mine are definitely on the way out, but I am 56 (or 55:o) so I suppose I am doing well in that they are still holding up....another positive! I hope yours are working well now and are not misbehaving!


It's just the damned roof. Yes, it's just the damned roof. It sounds so stupid, putting it like that, but I think it's what it represents (yet more rubbish happening) as much as it in itself.

I do feel more "sorted" now, though. Thank you.

ceegee

meer53 wrote: »

I know that feeling when you wake up, then you realise what you have to deal with !
................
Join me, it works.

I hope you don't mind me cutting down your post....just trying ot save space!

Thank you, again, meer53. I am so glad that your daughter is now a healthy and fine 11 year old! I shalln't say any more about pre-pubescent daughters!:eek:

We seem to have a lot of similarities. My washing machine sprang a fountainous leak two days after I had some new cushionfloor laid in the kitchen.....it's never been the same since!

Water is a house's worst enemy. I have also had a burst pipe in the loft, bringing down the bathroom ceiling, a burst water supply pipe in the front garden last year during the extreme cold, which produced a river right across the main road on which I live.....I am so thankful that it didn't cause an accident.

Funnily enough, the man who lives in the house opposite me also has a lot of water problems.......he jokingly says that a water sprite lives in his house. I think it pops over the road to visit us on a very regular basis.

We also had a sewer sprite....oh, yuk....for over 20 years I had sewage flooding in my back garden. I hit the roof with the local water company eventually. I was calling them out over 12 times a year and they kept on saying that it was cheaper for them to keep coming out and cleaning the sewers with their jetters than it was for them to replace the collapsing sewer. 20 years was enough. I got the Consumer Council for Water on my side and the whole area now has a brand new and efficient sewer system. When that was done (and our back gardens looked like building sites for weeks!) I thought "hooray.....now I can get on with my life", but then it just became horror after horror after horror.

I suppose that's older houses though.....they need a lot of work, although newer houses probably also have their own set of problems I suppose.

I often say to my girls......we have no mortgage, we have no debt, we have a nice (albeit falling apart) home (with a bedroom each and two living rooms) and we all have jobs (University daughter has a Saturday job) and we have each other and we all love each other. All in all, we are blessed. I tell myself all this frequently, but sometimes I feel so down in the dumps that it doesn't work. What an ungrateful person I must sound........I feel quite ashamed.:(

[STRIKE]It's just that the house is a blasted money pit, the roof leaks and there is rain forecast[/STRIKE]. Scrap that.....I'll do it your way meer53 and take it one day at a time. I can deal with whatever may come.

Thank you!:A

meer53

You're welcome !

Have a good Christmas with your lovely family xx

choille

This time of year is a reviewing time - looking back over the past year & life lived. It is not a light time. I think we have to go over the stuff, all the yuck too & sort of put it to bed - if you will.

I think that you are doing what many people are doing at this time of year - It's normal in many ways.

Life is hard. Shoite happens & if like many you don't have much spare cash it can appear like a constant battle, but I also think it is now your time. You've raised two beautiful daughters who are your pride & joy but you also need something other, some outside interest that needn't cost much, but is something that brings pleasure & is something to look forward to. I must take my own advice.

All the very best.