how would you feel in this situation ?

rebeccaxoxo

I have been with my fiance for almost 4 years now, im 21, he's 24 and we have a 11 month old son. Im due a baby girl in january.

The situation is that i have never really gotten along with MIL, she had made it clear from the off that she didnt approve of me, making comments about doing up more buttons on a shirt i was wearing ( implying i was showing too much flesh, believe me i dont have much in that area and very little self confidence so i wasnt). It possibly has something to do with the fact that they are a devout catholic family ( not my fiance really) and early on in our relationship I fell pregnant. This later resulted in a miscarriage and I have never really forgiven MIL for saying that it was " for the best".

Don't get me wrong other than that and one or two other issues we have never actually had a full blown arguement up until the birth of our son. After discussing it fully with my OH we agreed that we didnt think it was appropriate to christen our son as neither of us are practising catholics and did not want to do it if we werent going to take him to church and teach him the catholic faith. As you can imagine this did not go down well and resulted in them not coming to see our son for the first few weeks. The way they reacted towards us was the last straw for me and I said I wanted them to apologise before I saw them again, they didnt like this but eventually did as I had asked.

Since then things havent been worse than they were before this incident. Yesterday my OHs sister came over from New Zealand for Xmas and I had them and his brother in straight away to meet her nephew. They stayed for half an hour and left, not once asking how I was or anythng about my OH ( he was at work). I suggested that MIL and SIL could have my son for a few hours today if they liked so she can get a chance to bond with him without feeling like im looking over her shoulder. However they declined saying that they are going on a ' family ' shopping day out in town, this includes only the women of the 'family' MIL SIL and brothers GF.

Now here is my qs ( so sorry about how long this is ), should I feel upset at this ? I didnt offer them to take my son because I was going to want a babysitter, i was only going to be staying at home anyway. But I am kind of upset that they have made no effort to invite me ( or my son). I dont see how I am any less part of the ' family' than the brothers GF. I have had no arguements or anything with them recently and I make sure we go and visit regularly ( at least once a week). I just wanted to get a few peoples takes on the situation, I promise I wont be offended if you say its my hormones, :rotfl:

Person_one

They sound horrible, try to be relieved that they don't seem to want your company, after all would you have actually enjoyed spending that time with them?

Keep your distance, and protect your children from their influence.

victory

What your MIL feels about you and you about her will never be resolved without a heart to heart because they just lie there, doormant, festering, another argument brings them up and MIL then feels it is an ongoing battle and you then feel that you are not getting anywhere.

For the future, these few arguments you have had sort them out before another one makes it worse

Money_maker

Lucky escape!

Perhaps they thought you wouldn't be able to get away, having to look after DS or may slow them down being 8 month gone?

aliasojo

rebeccaxoxo wrote: »

But I am kind of upset that they have made no effort to invite me ( or my son). I dont see how I am any less part of the ' family' than the brothers GF. I have had no arguements or anything with them recently and I make sure we go and visit regularly ( at least once a week). I just wanted to get a few peoples takes on the situation, I promise I wont be offended if you say its my hormones, :rotfl:

I really do understand why you have issues with MIL, she sounds overbearing and thoughtless to me.

BUT, (please don't take offence ) I would not want a heavily pregnant woman or a young child in tow whilst I was hitting the shops for a 'girly' shopping trip. Girly shopping trips usually involve trekking for hours round shops, squeezing into packed coffee shops and in and out of changing rooms. Kids, pregnant ladies and these kinds of days just don't mix imo.

I don't know enough about you or her to decide if she was making any sort of a point about her 'family comment. It could have been a pointed remark, it could have been completely innocent comment, we just don't know.

j.e.j.

Your BF's family seem to be viewing their catholicism as a reason for exclusivity. Maybe they feel you and your son (not having been baptised a catholic) aren't 'one of them'. I think this attitude is unhealthy and unhelpful, but to be honest I imagine you may have trouble trying to get them to change.

I would just let them all get on with it but stand your ground (as you have done).

determined_new_ms

sounds very weird behaviour, easy to say but much harder to do but try not to worry too much about it. It would really upset me but it sounds like the family send people to coventry when they don't like something someone does and that isn't a healthy way to be. What does ur oh say the mum/family were like when there were things he did that wasn't approved of?

To be honest going xmas shopping today when the shops are going to be rammed wouldn't be nice for you. Have a bubble bath, watch a film, enjoy ur baby, call ur mum xx

candygirl

I'd be glad I didn't have to spend time with the old trout:DDon't try and seek any kind of approval from her, as she wont give it to you.Just enjoy your own family, and good luck with the baby:D:D

amersall

Agree with Person-one 100%,all i can say is "glad you can pick your friends,it is their loss".

Marisco

I agree with most of what has been said. I do agree going shopping would be horrendous with a child, but did the old bat have to say it like that? There are ways of saying things without making people feel awful. I'd just ignore her, let her whittle on, go "yeah yeah" now and again, and thank god oh is on "your" side, just think how dreadful it would be if he agreed with her!!! :eek:

rebeccaxoxo

thanks everyone for the responses, cant believe how much better that made me feel, i thought i was being totally over sensitive and hormonal. I do agree with everyone though in that i shouldnt care about them at all and from now on Im going to try my best not to. Its the little things that they do to hurt my OH that annoy me, they deliberately booked two meals for when his sis is over from New Zealand and both of them are for 8.00 or later, I know at home they normally eat at like 5 or 5.30 at the latest yet when they are going out it has to be late ? We are then unable to attend as we dont have a babysitter and our son needs to be in bed by 7.30 or he'll go hysterical ( we've tried it a fair few times before).
To be honest I think Im just a bit sad that im having the typical MIL issues that you hear about all the time, never thought that would happen to me haha.