Getting nose rubbed in it.

londonsurrey

Some people are simply takers and thick skinned with it.
I've found out the hard way that there's no point in playing nice and fair, and waiting for them to reciprocate. If you don't want to be done out of anything in the future that you don't want to give, just assume, given their track record, that :

- they will continue call up with more good news about themselves
(it's all about them, from their point of view, why wouldn't everyone be glad for them?)

- they will demand and take whatever they want and can get
(it's all about them, from their point of view, why wouldn't shouldn't they get it? What/who is stopping them?)

So, if you don't like them, just stop taking their calls. Get caller display if required. £12-£25 a year (whatever your company charges) to stop the grief is a good investment.

Have a good and honest talk with your dad. I assume that they haven't volunteered for the Dad Care rota. Tell him your feelings, that she's had the stuff she wants, ask if he would consider leaving you the rest. Be prepared for him to say no, and that's his right.


This is not about being a demanding b*tch yourself. This is about standing up for yourself, and even if you don't get exactly what you want, you gave it a go, and didn't just passively wait for the selfish sister to see the light and to start being nice. Because I'd lay good money on that never happening. Good luck.

euronorris

scheming_gypsy wrote: »

I don't know why people are saying the OP is just jealous.
Their sister (guessing that from some of the clues), was too tired to go to the daughters wedding even though she doesn't even work; and she possibly stole some of her mums possessions after she died. What exactly is the OP jealous of? yeah the 'sister' got lucky but it's no reason for her to act like she's better than the OP

We don't know if that was the real reason why they didn't go. She may have had a valid reason, but one that she would prefer to keep quiet. We just don't know.

She 'possibly' stole some possessions. SHe possibly hasn't. The Dad possibly gave them to her and just doesn't remember. Perhaps she took them for some other reason, or for safe keeping because he kept spilling things on them etc etc. There are so many other reasons other than just stealing. We don't know, and neither does the OP.

I'm not convinced, with the very small amount of information and background, that the sister is acting in such a way. It is sounding more like the OP is very jealous, and reading into things that aren't there.

victory

Maybe it is envy, the grass is always greener and all that but you just don't know how happy they are, waht they would love to have/think about/dream about ,what goes on behind closed doors?

jojo_2012_2

You're being too nice from them. Sounds like they're looting the things they want from the list before you get your hands on it which is pretty disgusting. If anything really is missing maybe as your dad where it is, if they can't find it phone the relative and ask them. If it's still unaccounted for say you're going to ring the police AND DO!

As for the bragging, nobodies life is perfect but the smart ones hide things the best. Only a matter of time before some skeletons come out of the closet in my experience. But you can only hope!

BitterAndTwisted

Them coming from a south London council estate says a lot about their attitude. I'd be calling that serious social insecurity.

You could be right, OP that they are self-satisfied and smug boasters. Sometimes the only way to deal with people like that is to sound completely sincerely and wholeheartedly that you agree that they're lucky, hard-working and have made sacrifices for the life they have now. There's nothing like agreeing with people to make them think that their games aren't working.

Deal with your father's missing items by asking him whether they may have been taken away to be repaired or restored and he's forgotten about it. Only come out with your suspicions that they've been half-inched once he's accepted that that is the only way they could have gone.

If your sibling and spouse are that well-provided for it could be that your father has already decided that there would be no point in leaving them anything, as they have more than they deserve already.

jackyann

Sounds like a mix of stuff to me.

OP - hope your rant makes you feel better and you can see clearly.
Here's my take:

As others have said, make sure you have track of important family stuff - just ask for it calmly.

Private education: their choice what to do with their money. The state would only pay boarding allowance.

Loan to your parents - sadly, whatever you feel, not your business. You know you would have done differently.

"tired" - either "don't give a damn" or something too serious/private to share. Either way, nothing you can do.

Be clear in your own mind whether you want a relationship or not. If not, then simply keep up the official obligations and don't get into conversations about what they are doing.
If you do, explain what makes you feel uncomfortable.

If these people are not being careful of your feelings, then you may be feeling grief at the loss of a relationship that meant something to you, but no longer seems to matter to them. You have a right to be sad & a bit angry about that.

pearl123

You appear to be jealous of not only how much money they have but also their success. I suspect they've worked damm hard to get where they are.
OP as long as you are happy with your lot - then why get stressed about what others are doing and how they live their lives? They are probably not rubbing your nose in it. They are just telling you wants going on in their life, which is quite natural.

scheming_gypsy

euronorris wrote: »

We don't know if that was the real reason why they didn't go. She may have had a valid reason, but one that she would prefer to keep quiet. We just don't know.

She 'possibly' stole some possessions. SHe possibly hasn't. The Dad possibly gave them to her and just doesn't remember. Perhaps she took them for some other reason, or for safe keeping because he kept spilling things on them etc etc. There are so many other reasons other than just stealing. We don't know, and neither does the OP.

I'm not convinced, with the very small amount of information and background, that the sister is acting in such a way. It is sounding more like the OP is very jealous, and reading into things that aren't there.

Well yep, there could be reasons for the other things. But a lot of people have just dismissed it and only looked at the OP being worse off than their sister as the basis of the rant (i'm sticking with sister)

dirtysexymonkey

op youre jealous. theres no doubt about it. your jealous of your sister, her husband, their children, your mother, your step father and your father. never mind your manager who you slag off at every opportunity because you think you should be the manager.

you slag off your sister but youve said before that you expected that after your mothers death that you would be able to use her money to bail you out and get you out of debt following years of irresponsible spending. youve already had money off them before, but after you realised you got nothing from your mothers will, you then tried to get your elderly step father (who you say youve never got on with) to bail you out AGAIN. he refused and you make comments about the amount of his pension! how dare you!

you ake £700 each month from your independent adult children to pay your bills as well as your wife giving you £400 and paying all the bills because you decided to run up £30k on frivolous spending and dont think you should pay it back yourself!

and let us not ignore your penchant for attacking the public sector who all go on these amazing holidays when you cant afford to. grow up.

you are angry at everyone else in your life when you really should be angry at yourself. you and you alone are responsible for the choices you have made and you have to live with them - thats why your so bitter and jealous. you have to live with yourself as a person that expected an 87 year old man who youve never had any time for, to pay off your debts because you cant be bothered to do it yourself. and when that failed you demanded your wife (who has been seriously ill) and your children to do it for you.

now grow up.

Muscle750

Please dont tell me that ive never had anytime for my father, and telling me that my adult independant children living at home shouldnt pay anything ....................do me a favour and get off your platform