Putting home into family trust to avoid nursing home fees

lessonlearned

Alikay wrote: »

Last year MIL was very ill and it looked like she may have to go into care. As she hasn't got much money and lives in a HA flat the cost would've been funded by the local authority. However, they would only fund up to a certain level, and many of the care homes in the area cost more than that so who would've plugged the gap? Yep, us and his sister and her husband.

Luckily she recovered to a significant degree and returned home from hospital with 4x daily home carers which was substantially cheaper and fully funded by council. It has made us aware, though, that the sort of care home that IS covered by the state may not be the kind of place we'd like our loved ones to live, and I suspect with an ageing population this'll only get worse.

Yes the costs are frightening. God knows what will happen, because even with the high fees care homes are still going out of business.

My mums top up fees were £50 a week, my dad is 89 and not a rich man, he was worried sick. He did actually have sufficient income but only because I managed to get him Attendance Allowance. This should have been his for his own needs but he had to use it for mums top up fees. How is that even remotely fair.

What really angered me is that both my mum and my husband were both plainly eligible for Continuing Health Care but the NHS refused point blank to meet their obligations. I had to go through three appeals to get it for My husband. He was paralysed from the neck down for goodness sake. I refused to give up and he was eventually awarded it, for the last 14.months of his life.

I also fought on my mums behalf, she was virtually in a coma by the time she got it, just six weeks before she died.

Both my mum and husband were totally incapacitated and wholly reliant on nurses and carers, neither of them even able to sit up or feed themselves, and yet they were repeatedly denied CHC which was theirs by right and by law.

I was damned if the NHS was going to wriggle out of their responsibilities so I fought tooth and nail on their behalf.

I really feel for people who have no advocate to help them through the maze of rules, regulations, restrictions, half truths and downright lies they have to negotiate, the mountains of paperwork, the endless red tape and burearocracy.

Ive had to do it twice now, and I shall probably have to go through it all again at some point for my father. I will have to,ride that merry go round yet again.

I'm now currently trying to get the nursing home to sort out the refund due to my father. It's been 3 months since mum died and they owe him a small fortune.

Im sick of doing battle and slaying dragons for my loved ones and fed up to the back teeth of working my way through the system.

I'm 64 - it's time I had a rest.......

missbiggles1

Spendless wrote: »

I'm guessing the older generation posting on here who went on foreign school trips predominately went to Grammar schools? I think that might have been more common, foreign trips. My Grandmother born 1924 pssed the 11+ and went to Grammar school and went on a school trip to France. She was fond of telling the story how the girls were all left to buy a present for their parents by speaking French and how they all bought a bar of black soap having remembered savon and noir and how much trouble they were all in afterwards.
Her parents certainly couldn't have afforded to go abroad as a family, my Great Grandfather was initially against her taking the place due to the cost of uniform and books, but my Great grandmother insisted and took a cleaning job to pay for the expenses.

My Grandmother is now in a nursing home since the beginning of the year. My Mum is just in the process of being awarded POA and later this year the flat will have to go up for sale. Though she hasn't said it so far, I can see her complaining in the same manner as someone else that she shouldn't have to pay as we have 'dumped' her there.

When my Mum was looking round for somewhere, the home she would really have liked Nan to go in wasn't affordable due to third party top up fees and my parents are already pensioners themselves.

Foreign travel was expensive at that time and way beyond the reach of ordinary families. When package holidays were introduced in the 60s, prices dropped considerably (a holiday to Spain in the late 60s cost about the same as one week's salary) and became available to many working families who could never have dreamed of foreign holidays 30 years earlier.

Sorry for staying OT.:o

Savvy_Sue

PennyForThem wrote: »

nobody ever mentions this but council tenants can pass on their council house tenancy. Where is the fairness in this? Fine for spouses/partners - I agree.

I'm not going to comment on the fairness, just point out that AFAIK the tenancy can only be passed on / inherited once.

So, tenancy in Dad's name, he dies, Mum has a right to take over the tenancy. Adult children are living with her at the time she dies but none can take over the tenancy because it has already passed from Dad to Mum.

Perhaps the discussion about who could and could not afford school trips and foreign holidays would be better in Discussion Time?

hostertlady

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

I do hope you are able to smile sweetly and talk about the weather ...

yes indeed, I smile sweetly through gritted teeth .:)
x

hostertlady

lessonlearned wrote: »

Oh dear, sounds like she is still giving you a hard time. Try not to let her guilt trip you, you've done your best.

haha, you remembered LL, nope I have far more important things on my mind than my mother moaning every 5 minutes!
I have developed a back bone and she dare not cross me! she quilt tripped me once too often when she first went into the home and I walked out and didn't visit her for a week! ( bearing in mind I was going every other day at first, ( guilt!)...
so I do smile sweetly, let her have her moan, give her a kiss and leave the room.
she is fine, its a lovely place


and YES! you DO deserve a rest,
x
x

lessonlearned

Ah bless you, that's very kind and yes I have finally started putting my needs on that endless to do list......

moneyistooshorttomention

That's the thing LessonLearned - ie you are clearly one of life's fighters and are determined and intelligent and therefore do fight your (and other peoples corner).

I think this is what the whole system relies on though - ie that people ARENT as intelligent/determined/etc/etc as we are and just decide its not worth the hassle.

However, we can live with our consciences - because we do do "our bit" and sigh resignedly at being made to fight about something yet a'blimmin again and then roll up our sleeves/tune into "google" and get on with it.

I am currently in the middle of a messy situation (to do with living in an unadopted road) that was caused by other people not sorting things out properly originally. Fast forward some years and its becoming steadily clearer that the situation got passed on and passed on and passed on - and now I'm the "piggy in the middle". However, this time I'm determined to get it all properly sorted out and logically arranged once and for all - rather than be too weak to do so and just pass it on as a mess to someone after me.

You can imagine I am cursing the weak people prior to me who didn't get on and sort it out though - even if I do understand why they were weak.

So - you needed to fight those corners and other people also need to fight that particular corner and then, hopefully, somewhere along the line enough people will have been strong/determined enough to hold things/people to account that no-one will have to fight that particular battle ever again.

Enjoy your rest when you get the chance.

Now about those holidays you were thinking of.....wonders how far you have got towards booking one for yourself....

lessonlearned

Yes - if everyone "did their bit" the world would be a better place.

Sometimes it feels like I'm tilting at windmillss....::rotfl:

Good luck with you own particular battle...

Holidays - last week I was in Scotland, so other than googling stuff ive not got that far yet. Still not sure what I want yet and of course there is the budget to consider.

Do I blow a chunk on a dream trip to South America and the Galapagos Islands or do I do the sensible thing and buy my house first.......

Actually that dream trip might not be pie in the sky after all.

My DS1 recently got engaged to a Loveley Venezuelan girl, her family still live there. They get married next May. There is every chance that I can combine a visit to Venezuela and then er hem just "pop over" to Ecuador and then take a trip round the Galapagos from there.

It would be a lot cheaper than an organised tour. Just need to,brush up my rusty Spanglish.

In the meantime I'm thinking of a cheap long stay in somewhere like Malta or Spain - say Jan to March. I suppose spain makes more sense because I could be practising the lingo in readiness for that dream trip.

In the meantime again, I have a friend in Devon who I shall be popping down to see soon.

The beauty of being retired is that we can take long leisurely trips, travel when it's quieter and cheaper, miss the crowds and actually spend some time getting to see a place properly.

We've had the real ale and real bread campaigns, and the slow food movement, maybe it's time for the slow travel movement. I hate planes, give me a leisurely train ride and a nice ship every time.

Seriously niw that my trials and tribulations are finally coming to,an end im looking forward to the future with renewed faith and optimism.

Errata

My good friend bullied me, in the nicest kindest way, into buying a small conservatory. It gives me more pleasure than I could ever have imagined and I think of her every time I sit in it, and the Buddhist 'thought for the day' I've learned to live by *Every morning when I wake I say to myself I might die today*. It's surprising how that thought puts a positive spin on the day.

lessonlearned

Great thought for the day.

I'm a confirmed atheist myself but I do,have a certain faith - in nature and the human spirit.

I shall definitely belooking at a conservatory or sunroom of some sort. I also,want a girly shed.. ...:rotfl: