My son's weight - health visitor doing my head in

Nicki

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

An unprofessional woman who, on top of her lack of understanding of good practice and appropriateness of behaviours, actually reduces the benefit of and respect for her entire profession and - note the 'and' - and cannot even empathise with the people she sees, well, that's worse than someone's damaged feelings on the internet.


You may well have heard it said to a lot of people. I don't know - perhaps you don't have children yourself - if that's the case, well, you won't have the experience of knowing just how devastating such a jokey comment can be to a vulnerable new mum, one who is at risk of being beaten up by her partner because 'even the health visitor says the kid can't be mine because it's ginger, you slag!', or the unsure, postnatally depressed woman who, after one visit, decides that as they are such a useless parent for wanting to cuddle their baby, they can't possibly see a doctor because the child will just be taken away for having a useless mother.

Or the experience of being a battered woman who is asked in front of her abuser 'why's he given you a slap this time?' as a joke - gets battered some more for showing him up/grassing him up - and then doesn't go back to seek help when she finally has enough.


Perhaps someone telling you how to deal with animals who has never had an animal of their own or looked after one themselves, but had read a bunch of books about them would be a more appropriate analogy?

Or perhaps, as I know you feel very strongly about this, that someone told you that all you need to do to get rid of your asthma is eat more vegetables and throw away your inhaler because they have trained in the weird Russian breathing techniques that say asthma is all in the head and all you need to do is let yourself be starved of oxygen and it will miraculously fix itself?



The health visitor should be a vital resource for every woman with a child. Unfortunately, due to such people as the one the OP has had to endure, who essentially say 'you're rubbish, you are', they are people who are, like fundamentalist earth mothers who say 'well, you must organically rear your own alpacas in the back garden and stop poisoning your precious infant with that vile medicine for their chest infection' and fag smoking 'stick some vodka in the baby's bottle if you want some kip'

Wow! Just wow!

This rant alone will have done more to put first time mums off getting help from their Health Visitors than any slightly off jokey remarks ever would. I have NO idea what the chip on your shoulder is about, nor am I really interested in finding out to be honest but Health Visitors are like any other health professionals. Some are better than others and some have better people skills than others, but ultimately they are intended to be there as a resource for new mums, especially those with PND or babies with problems, or those who could do with support in other areas, and women like you who slag them off as a job lot to anyone who will listen greatly undermine that support.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Nicki wrote: »

Wow! Just wow!

This rant alone will have done more to put first time mums off getting help from their Health Visitors than any slightly off jokey remarks ever would. I have NO idea what the chip on your shoulder is about, nor am I really interested in finding out to be honest but Health Visitors are like any other health professionals. Some are better than others and some have better people skills than others, but ultimately they are intended to be there as a resource for new mums, especially those with PND or babies with problems, or those who could do with support in other areas, and women like you who slag them off as a job lot to anyone who will listen greatly undermine that support.

You see, not being a first time mum anymore - I'd be the neighbour who would try and reassure a new mum that the HV who upset her wasn't telling her she was a bad mother and suggest that she went and saw her GP. Or would be the one calling the police as the boyfriend beat the living crap out of her because the stupid little joke about the milkman was taken absolutely seriously by him as meaning his girlfriend slept around.

If the ones I have met actually had provided support rather than criticism, well, they wouldn't be getting slagged off now, would they?



Not all HVs are bad - but some are and no sugarcoating will hide the fact that the bad ones are a flaming menace.

mazza111

I had the same with my HV all those years ago.

DD had a brilliant male HV (more unusual in those days) and he was excellent. Very reassuring and you could ask him anything.

DS was a different story. Always saying he was underweight (he was at first until he got diagnosed as being lactose intolerant). He's now 15 and doctor has referred him back to dietitian because... wait for it... he's underweight. Like your little one, he's tall and skinny (lucky so and so) and very active. Rarely sick, unless he sneaks milk into his diet. So guess what I'm trying to say is, as long as your child is healthy and well, I wouldn't worry too much about his weight, as long as he's not drastically underweight and eating regularly.

DS is still slightly underweight, even now that he's filling out a wee bit if you know what I mean, I'm hoping he'll slob out on sofa over Christmas so we can finally be discharged from the dietitian

lessonlearned

My DS2 was always skinny - he's now 6ft 3" and still looks like an advert for Oxfam, eats like a horse. Perfectly healthy, bags of energy.

GP has absolutely no concerns at all - never has.

Agree with the other posts - you'll never see a fat thoroughbred.:rotfl::rotfl:

Stupid HV.

gratefulforhelp_2

neverdespairgirl my Mum is a retired HV and would say if he's been roughly on one or two of the lines then he's fine.

This one sounds a plonker.

If he has plenty of energy and is developing normally you have no worries. Maybe she needs a bigger caseload?!

make_me_wise

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

Then she said, "doesn't your Mummy feed you?" Fortunately, my darling Isaac said, "she cooks a lot and me and Abba eat it all."

:cool: I see having some commone sense and speaking appropriately to children, about their parents and eating habits, are not essential requirements for being a health visitor. What a stupid question for her to ask your child! I have this joy to come. Plan to see mine as infrequently as possible and trust my instincts. If I want carp advice and someone telling me how it should be done without having an ounce of sense I can ask my MIL

I have known family and friends get themselves in a right tizz over those bloody charts. Every child is different and tends to grow and develop in their own way. You know he is fit and healthy and has the build of his father. Dont worry about it hun or feel that you have to justify yourself.

barbiedoll

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

No, not that new - she's been around since Isaac was a baby, so at least 6 years. And I'd guess she's in her 50s or so. Her initial campaign was against breastfeeding, because he was too thin. But he's not breastfeeding any more, oddly enough. Just eating, a lot!

This tells me everything I need to know about her "skills" :mad:

AdmiralX

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

his height was always above average and his weight always below average. The stupid heath visitor seems to think that they should agree - if you are in the 80th centile for height, you should also be in the 80th centile for weight.

The right person to consult always on these issues is rather your GP. You might wish to make appointment with surgery and ask.

cte1111

My DD has always been on the 90th or higher percentile for height and usually around the same for weight. I've had calls from the school nurse trying to see if I had any 'concerns' about her. I was genuinely bemused as to what she meant. Eventually I realised she was doing the call as part of monitoring of heavier children. Her weight and height are in proportion but her weight by itself was being used as a red flag for further investigation.

Evidently unless all our children are 50% for everything then there is a chance of a well meaning HV / nurse trying to find out if something is wrong. I try not to react any more, just accept the inevitable leaflet that is handed over.

claire16c

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

No, not that new - she's been around since Isaac was a baby, so at least 6 years. And I'd guess she's in her 50s or so. Her initial campaign was against breastfeeding, because he was too thin. But he's not breastfeeding any more, oddly enough. Just eating, a lot!

.

barbiedoll wrote: »

This tells me everything I need to know about her "skills" :mad:

Exactly. I dont think Id listen to anything else someone said if they tried to discourage you from breast feeding!

BMI is only correct for 'average' people anyway. Which makes it quite an annoying thing for people to use who dont understand that, and that it does not apply to everyone in the same way. It can only be used as a rough guide.

My DH is a personal trainer ( very fit, runs marathons and all sorts) but is apparently bordering on ''overweight'' because 1. he naturally seems to weigh more than other guys his height (so does his sister) and 2. hes muscly and muscle weighs more than fat.

We were once in the street and these guys were doing free BMI tests. DH went over to them just to see what theyd say, and when it came up saying 25, they were like ' Uhhhh yeah so youre almost 'over weight' but yeah you dont really look overweight....maybe just make sure you eat healthily?' They were lost for words because obviously by looking at him they could see theres barely any fat on him whatsoever! lol

And Im the opposite, Ive been 'underweight' since I was born but Ive a bum and hips and that confuses people because from my weight they clearly expect me to be straight up and down. So for ME, I am not underweight, I am the weight I am supposed to be and I can not put on any weight however much I try. And my sister is just the same.