My son's weight - health visitor doing my head in

CH27

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

In our local area, children get a 6th birthday assessment from the health visitor, checking motor skills, physical movement, eye sight, hearing, all sorts of things. He's had one each year since he was 2, and I think this is the last one.

The health visitor does my head in. He had it yesterday (a bit late, in 3 more days he is six and a half, but never mind).

She's obsessed with children's BMI / weight.

Isaac is now, and always has been, tall and slim for his age. A scan before he was born estimated that he would be 11lb (!!) because of his length, but in fact he was 8lb at birth.

On those damn charts in the red book children get here (maybe everywhere, I don't know) his height was always above average and his weight always below average. The stupid heath visitor seems to think that they should agree - if you are in the 80th centile for height, you should also be in the 80th centile for weight.

But it doesn't work like that! Some people are naturally tall and skinny (lucky so-and-sos) and other people are equally naturally short and wider, without being fat. Isaac takes after his Dad, who is 6 ft 1, but has a 30 inch waist. OH is also perfectly fit and healthy, he's just slim.

Isaac eats a lot, and a very healthy, mixed diet. He also runs around a lot. So he's 90th centile for height, and 20th for weight. But anyone can see he's perfectly healthy and fit.

When talking to him about why he was wearing dungarees (whcih he prefers) he explained that he doesn't like trousers because they fall down. Which they do. Because if they are long enough, they tend to be too wide at the waist.

Then she said, "doesn't your Mummy feed you?" Fortunately, my darling Isaac said, "she cooks a lot and me and Abba eat it all."

<Rant mode off>

My son was & still is like that.
My health visitor used to nag me until she met my OH who is tall & very slim.

Just ignore her hun. You know your son & know that he is happy & healthy.

tooldle

I think it is probably a question that the health visitor has to ask. After all it is not that long ago that a child was starved to death (somewhere in the Midlands if I recall). I do see where you are coming from, I have a thin child myself. She is on the 5th centile for weight. I think its a "bigger picture" issue rather than a judgement on individuals.

duchy

Well she's gone now and it's the last check so just forget about it.

HVs are so variable -I had a fabulous one when my son was small-twenty years later I can still remember her name -she visited until she felt I was fine alone -then said to me if I wanted her stop coming she would and to pop to the clinic anytime if I needed her (although if she didn't see me for a while she'd ring) she then moved on -and we got the most useless waste of space ever -she hadn't got a clue. This coincided with me having some concerns about my son's development (he was much later diagnosed with Aspergers) and I may as well have saved my breath she was so disinterested and uninformed.

shirlgirl2004

This is why I refuse HV checks. I don't need to be told if my child is normal when I'm with him/her 24 hours a day. You can get hearing and eye sight checks without being subjected to HV interogation.

Having said all of that the HV is just doing her job.

Person_one

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

I'll try to remember what my Granny said, "a mother's place is in the wrong".

So's a health visitor's apparently.

They can't win really, when it comes out that children have been abused or neglected they are vilified for not picking it up and stopping it but when they try to ascertain whether children are doing ok or not they are resented for it and called some pretty nasty names by adult women who should know better (jojo!)

It doesn't do you or your son any harm for her to check up on his diet, but at a time when more and more children are malnourished it might do another child a heck of a lot of good.

rachbc

Person_one wrote: »

So's a health visitor's apparently.

They can't win really, when it comes out that children have been abused or neglected they are vilified for not picking it up and stopping it but when they try to ascertain whether children are doing ok or not they are resented for it and called some pretty nasty names by adult women who should know better (jojo!)

It doesn't do you or your son any harm for her to check up on his diet, but at a time when more and more children are malnourished it might do another child a heck of a lot of good.

whcih is all well and good BUT asking the child in that way is neither professional nor likely to elicit any useful information, neither does is serve to build a good rapport and supportive relationship with the mother in which she is likely to discolse any concerns or underlying issues

onlyroz

There are rare conditions characterised by abnormal body proportions (e.g. Klinefelter syndrome) but it would not be the place of a health visitor (or indeed an internet forum) to diagnose such problems. Unless you, or your son's GP, have any specific concerns about his health then I wouldn't worry about it.

mishkanorman

I personally would consider raising a complaint about her.

Not because she shouldnt care about your sons weight but because of the question she asked. I can think of several different ways she could get the information without asking a blunt pointless question like that !

If nothing else she clearly needs some more up to date training.

balletshoes

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

Why on earth are you allowing this woman to annoy you six years after most HVs are nothing more than a dimly remembered notion of a childless old bag who told you that everything you were doing was wrong and you would live to regret never listening to her wisdom?


You're a good parent, an intelligent adult. Ignore her witterings.

this. Just ignore her - you don't have to see her again or her centile graphs.

After I went back to work when my DD was 6 months old, I lost her red book and never referred to it again. She had her HV check-up at school in my presence when she was 5, and that was it, done and dusted.

Your son is clearly healthy and takes after one of his parents, so it shouldn't be a surprise to anyone that he is tall and thin.

Nicki

I guess a lot of it must be in the intonation and context. I can quite easily see this question being put to a child in a jokey light hearted manner, with no offense meant whatsoever. In much the same way, that a very tall child might be asked "Goodness what does mummy feed you?" Unless it was raised in a serious way, as if a child protection concern was being investigated, it wouldn't have offended me in the slightest, though I might not have found it funny.

Two of my kids are redheads, and at least one has been asked by a jovial professional whether mum has left them out in the rain and they've gone rusty. I didn't find that rib bustingly funny either but I didn't assume they were genuinely trying to ascertain whether I was neglecting the child. And my DD was asked by a policeman who had knocked her two front teeth out for her, again meant as a joke and not a serious suggestion that she was the victim of child abuse I don't think!