Am I devious?

longleggedhair

Having saved hard for a few years I have a fair bit of money in the bank (60-70kish), but I tell no one that I have any money....when people moan about being broke I moan with them. I find if people think you have any cash they all come out with sob stories. When my mom retired with a big lump sum off her pension she went around telling anyone who would listen, and it ended up costing her a fortune as people had a crisis guess who was their first call.

Since that event I tell nobody I have anything, and as I live frugally, as I probably save 95% of income people believe me, but it does sometimes make me feel bad when I have money and others have problems and I could help them but I choose not to. But by claiming poverty myself nobody ever asks me for cash, am I devious!!!!Thoughts please, and is anyone else in the same boat!

Thanks

Meeper

You're not necessarily devious, what you choose to do with your money is up to you. If you don't want to use it for the benefit of others, that's entirely your call.

[Deleted User]

I would be the same!!! At the end of the day what you have in your bank account is your own business if you chose not to tell anyone then thats upto you its not devious at all.

Dxxx

talexuser

What you do is your business, and since you've had some bad experiences in the family, I don't think people would necessarily think badly of it. But with that much money a £19 or so to the Salvation Army for some homeless at Xmas might be an idea for your own peace of mind IMHO? There was once an episode of Men Behaving Badly where his friends found out that Gary had money in the Bank and that led to situations similar to those you described.

kitschkitty

It's only devious if you hide the fact in order to get things from others, e.g plead poverty on a night out so someone else will buy you a drink. Otherwise I agree with others, that often it's easier just to keep things to yourself.

The only time it could cause problems is if you kept it a secret from someone you are in a close relationship with i.e partner, when you are at a point in your relationship where you have a level or joint finances.

Or possibly with a close relative who has financially supported you in the past and you choose not to help them at all in return if they are in dire need, BUT this scenario would be dependant on specific circumstances, I wouldn't always advocate helping others out financially just because of your relationship with them. Some people just really should never be lent (or given) money!

nearlyrich

I think it's only a problem if saving money is your only thing in life, sometimes spending money is good, travel, comfort etc, I don't tell people what I have but I don't claim poverty either. Don't become one of those dead millionaires dressed in rags and living in a cold house!

rockitup

I think you are doing the right thing keeping schtum, we already had some first hand experience of this when we sold up and left a few years ago.

There is no harm showing a little kindness, but don't go to extremes like splashing the cash, or going the other way and doing a good impersonation of being a permanent scrooge.

I lost a couple of "friends" after leaving the UK because of not sorting out their money problems for them, but it does show who your real friends are.

BobQ

I think you are just being prudent with your money. It would be devious if you were claiming a means tested benefit you were not entitled to, or persuaded colleagues/friends to pay for you when they could ill afford it but were paying your share of things.

It would not be devious but would be distasteful to me if you were failing to help someone who had had the generosity to help you in the past or did not make a few charitable donations.

But its your choice whether to save and be frugal or to be profligate and not save, and nothing to do with others.

I would hope that you

longleggedhair

Thanks all for the advice, sometimes its just nice to be reassured! However I am a little sceptical about Charitable giving especially to the bigger charities, as they seem to be more about lining the pockets of the top brass than helping people, I prefer to give my time in the community as a means of giving.

Also I always pay my own way when I (rarely) go out, and would of course help my close family if the need ever arose. Just prefer to keep wats mine just that way!

droopsnoot

I've always had the idea that talking about your own money is "not done". As everyone else has said, it's no-ones business but your own, and it's never a good idea to make things obvious. Apart from anything else, sadly these days you also have to think about who might be listening in and perhaps thinking "he's loaded, that means his house is worth turning over" and the like. It's no problem on a web forum because you have a level of anonymity.

gadgetmind

longleggedhair wrote: »

But by claiming poverty myself nobody ever asks me for cash, am I devious!!!!Thoughts please, and is anyone else in the same boat!

Don;t brag but also don't lie.

People assume that those with less than them are lazy, while those with more are greedy or privileged, so no good comes of even discussing it.

I have loaned money to a few people, and have even made some outright gifts, but it was *always* my decision. Always.