11-year-old may be having sex - what do I do?

Bossyboots

It is a sad fact that many children go on being abused because adults do not believe them and do nothing about.

The OP mentioned this girl had been in care, indicating past problems. It is better to overreact that not act at all or act inappropriately. If the OP chooses not to take on board the comments here that is up to her. I make mine from the perspective of work involving these children. I have seen many who were left in harmful situations because no-one wanted to get involved. The difference in those kiddies when they get help is just so overwhelming you want to cry.

The little girl will be handled sensitively and will be used to seeing her regular social worker anyway. That social worker can visit and chat to the girl and take it from there.

jellyhead

sex at a young age is dangerous yes, even if a condom is used, apparently it greatly increases the risk of cervical cancer so protecting against pregnancy and STD's isn't really enough. she might also decide to try it without the condom, if she doesn't have one with her for example. an 11 year old in my town got pregnant and had a baby, she was actually still at primary school when she concieved. i think 11 is very young to deal with that kind of thing and this girl would heal from her earlier life much better if she has a chance to grow up properly before becoming a mum.

i didn't really think about it before but from others have said it might not be such a good idea to chat to her ... i thought it would be good to find out more about the boyfriend, to see if he's a child like her or if he's an adult but perhaps it is best dealt with by social services. i didn't take into account that she will already have a social worker who'll know of any prior abuse etc. so maybe you could tell the social worker of your concerns without the social worker letting the girl know it was you who let on. it's a difficult one, i can see both sides of what's being said here. in the meantime you're not sure of how to react next time you see her :-( in the long term her flirting with your hubby might be good for her in a wierd way, she'll learn that he thinks she's a child and doesn't respond to her in a sexual way, maybe that's what she wanted, if she's been abused before maybe she wanted to see if hubby would still be her friend without taking advantage of her. it's sad if that is the reason behind her flirting, i hope she's just telling lies and attention seeking to test how much your family likes and accepts her. she must be very insecure if she's been moved around and not had much stability.

her social worker will know how best to handle things, hopefully without damaging the trust that the girl has in you.

jellyhead

fran, i see what you're saying but the social worker will know the girl well and may well dismiss what the poster says if she thinks it's a lot of fuss about nothing. if the girl was from a stable background and didn't already have a social worker maybe calling one in might cause unecessary problems, but if she already has one then maybe the SW is best placed to decide how serious or trivial this situation is? if the SW thinks the girl is just showing off or practising at pushing parental boundaries etc. then fair enough, but if the girl is emotionally damaged and could be having sex at such a young age then maybe it's best that it is investigated?

Fran

I find it horrifying the suggestion that this girl is reported to Social Services. Who knows what relationship she has with them? I can remember the feelings of being 11 and would have felt totally betrayed and angry if because of my "behaviour" (in this case a comment which may or may not be true) I had to see a social worker (however sensitive etc.).

She should not be treated any differently because of her background. The more I think about it, speak to the child's carer..... but why treat her different - this suggestion would not have been made if she came from a two parent family with no knowledge of any history.

Treating her differently is discrimination!

trafalgar_2

I have just read the whole thread again and I agree with you Fran to an extent, however.................my first reaction would be to speak directly to the carer first (the grandmother,I personally would of done this ages ago,when the smoking etc was mentioned but that's me personally )however IF the OP doesn't feel comfortable with this ,it must be reported to social services if nothing else ....for advice on how to proceed.

It should not be left under any circumstances and this I would do regardless of the childs background.

that's just my personal view.

Poppy9

I agree the child should not be treated differently because of her background. Children from 'good' homes are abused too. The point here is that an 11 year old is talking about having had sex. At 11 she is too young for this. If any 11 year old told me she was having sex I would be worried. If I knew the parents I would talk to them about it - but I would still feel uneasy with the situation and would seriously consider contacting Social Services. I think any child imparting this information to an adult outside the home is asking someone for help. It shouldn't be ignored.

If you are wrong and its just childish bravado great SS will no doubt back off but what if there is something wrong. Ok being in care is not a brill option but its better than a life of abuse at home and suffering in silence.

Make that call.

tiff

Fran, you may call it discrimination but you cant disguise the known fact that this girl has been through some problems already and has said she has had sex. If she has been abused in the past it could be that social services already know about it. If she is having sex with someone now it needs looking into. One telephone call to somebody responsible for the welfare of this child is not exaggerating.

Fran

Tiff,

Any abuse has been invented on here!

There is no proof that she even knows exactly what sex entails.

I agree the carer (grandmother) should be spoken to, but I don't agree with contacting social services.

1jim

1) - Poster didn't actually believe she had had sex.

- But she has said that she has, this is an illegal act and due to the age of the child IS a child protection issue whether you agree with this or not it is.

She behaves flirtily with poster's husband

- Abused children often do this, they can display inapropriate sexual behaviour.

So exactly on what basis would you involve social workers and schools in ANY child's behaviour?

It is on this behaviour that I would contact social services. Professionaly her previous history may be of relevance but to me the current story is of most importance and I would professionally refer this child to social services based on the above points.
By referring to social services you are NOT saying she is being abused, you are saying you have concerns relating to this childs welfare! It is for social services to investigate and decide if they need to be involved or not.

She should not be treated any differently because of her background. The more I think about it, speak to the child's carer..... but why treat her different - this suggestion would not have been made if she came from a two parent family with no knowledge of any history.

Treating her differently is discrimination!

It is not discrimination because I would treat any 11year old girl displaying the same behaviour the same

I would contact social services and I urge the original poster to do the same

Jim

jockettuk

fran .. im getting the impression here you have issues with social services..

the last few yrs the social services have been slated because children have been ignored.. its always were were social services when the kids needed them...

This child is in danger of being a damaged child in later life so lets help her and if that means social services and they not all bad then so be it..