you know when all you lovely people give advice...

tesuhoha

Im sorry that your brain has shut down Posting. There is a lot to think about but just try to concentrate on the improvements you can make now and stick to them. Then write lists and make plans. If you start saying no to your family you will surprise them but they will soon learn that you are no longer a pushover and they will stop asking. They will realise that you are stronger than they suspected and they will respect you for it. Read over the advice from the lovely people on here and take from it what is useful to you. You do not have to do what anyone here says unless you really want to but you can think about it for as long as you want.

kathfisch

postingalwaysposting wrote: »

thanks elona and tesuhoha... i have so much to think about my brain has shut down. I dont know what to do for the best and i know whatever i do will be wrong with someone. sometimes i just wish i didnt have to be an adult... the first thing i need to do is find a better job...

It must be so much to think about Pap, just take your time about it. Whatever is really for the best will become clear in time. And, you know what, it only has to be right with one person - you!! Other people won't like it, they'll be confused and upset, but that's cos you're putting you first! Believe me when I say... I spent years of misery trying to please everyone and putting myself so far down the priority list I never got round to thinking what I wanted, I do understand what that's like. And when the people around you are used to it they think nothing of saying 'but if you don't do that then... x y and z' when in reality those things are their problem! I'm not saying its been easy for me to get out of (I'm still like it to a smaller degree) but hell, its been the best feeling ever to do it! To say 'no' to someone because my needs must come first - I never knew the word no before!!

And as for having no friends, I'm really sorry to hear that. What you have got though, is someone here (me!) who lives near you, works even nearer, and would genuinely like to help in whatever small way she can! I'm around your age, we're within 5 mins of each other every day at work - seriously even if its just a coffee in asda (very dfw!) or something, will you think about it? I'm certainly not bothered by your size or anything else you think is wrong with you - I reckon you sound lovely and I'd be happy to meet up. If you don't want to I won't be offended but please give it some thought.

Take care of yourself and let us know what you're thinking,

Kath x

firesidemaid

posting, just wanted to drop in and say hello!

i've tried to read most of this thread - and i know you'll get where you want to be.

just a thought about changing jobs and studying. could you not apply for a job that combines the 2? such as veterinary nursing - so that you get paid and so that they might pay your course fees and give you time off to go to college.

could you start by volunteering at a local vets (as you already have good qualifications) as a way to get yourself a job there?

good luck x

elona

Hi posting

Just wanted to let you know we have not forgotten you.

How are you getting on today?

Snaggles

Pap, your post about not feeling like a woman brought tears to my eyes, I don't want to pry into something that's obviously very personal to you, but have you seen a doctor, not for the condition itself, but for the way it makes you feel? If it isn't something that can be 'cured', I was wondering if you had considered counselling at all to try and change how you feel about it?

It breaks my heart to think that someone as warm, friendly, funny, generous, thoughtful, resourceful and resiliant as yourself could ever feel they are not womanly.

I'm really sorry if I'm speaking out of turn, but your post really touched me.

kathfisch

Snaggles wrote: »

It breaks my heart to think that someone as warm, friendly, funny, generous, thoughtful, resourceful and resiliant as yourself could ever feel they are not womanly.

:T :T Totally agree!

CAFCGirl

Pap......................

WE LOVE YOU

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

We all know what its like when everything in your world seems to be going wrong, so i just wanted to show (in a BIG font) that we girlies here think you are FAB!

postingalwaysposting

hi all thanks for all your lovely thoughts and words, i was sat up thinking all night (well most of it) and i must say i am as confussed as ever... my plan for the next few months is to say no... to most things that i always say yes to (mostly money orintatied) to send off my cheque to college... its something i want and i need to boost my confidence, everyone i have spoken to say its a bad idea but i dont care i am doing it and letter will be in the post tommorow and my final one is search for a better job (even if it is a pay cut). Moving out i am still thinking about but i think it will be a year or two till i can do that but i am thinking about it.

About the docs thing... i have to phone back to book another appointment (with a doc who is great and finally asking for scans etc) this week or next about the last lot of scans and hopefully he may have an answer... if not i will push for one. Snaggles sorry to upset you but it is true. I dont know how to put it but i have no 'womanly features' and i have been mistaken for a guy many many times, it comes natural to me now. I am an idividual though so take me as i am or not at all

i have decided (before reading kaths thread but using her words) i am putting myself first from now on. i have told the people who want me to go out on sat no and i have already said no to going out for a meal, if i dont want to do it i dont see why i should go with the crowd... i am now a shephard NOT a sheep :rotfl:

Thankyou all for your kind words its cheered me up, i have had a bad day at work but i have left it there and you have brought the old pap back, thanks and i will get through this month i have already said no to mum today and i have told her i have £25 for the month and i cant give anyone anything... she just gave a startled response and left me to it. Also once i colour my brother i am telling him to knock and ask before he just walks into my room i have also said i will buy his driving license but that will be part of his birthday gift and he is to lend no more money from me ever as i havent got much... his responce 'you have savings' i laughed and walked off :T i am getting there slowly...

Thanks again for all your help everyone, thankyou no where seems enough

Seaxwyn

Good on you pap, it's lovely to see you sounding more upbeat and confident.

Well done for standing up to your mum and brother and so glad you are seeing a good doctor who is looking for an answer to your health problems.

kathfisch

postingalwaysposting wrote: »

i have already said no to mum today and i have told her i have £25 for the month and i cant give anyone anything... she just gave a startled response and left me to it.

:T :T :T :T :T



Fabulous stuff Pap, your whole post made me smile but this bit especially - well done you!! :T

You sound very strong and determined, I'm glad to hear you are going to the doctors and hopefully something can be done (to sort out the problem or put your mind at rest).

Its a fabulous feeling when you get up the courage to say 'no', enjoy saying it many more times

Kath x