Not sure how to cope

BitterAndTwisted

Lean on your friends. Lean hard. See if someone could watch your kids while you go to the hospital to be with him. If you were my friend I'd watch your kids for months without a second thought if it was necessary.

They haven't identified the most obvious causes. This is a very good thing.

MrsManda

peachyprice wrote: »

In which case could he ask the hospital if he can at least go home at the weekend when they rarely do any testing and the consultants aren't there and come back Sunday evening/first thing on Monday?

This is a really good idea.
The hospital I attend do often let patients go on 'weekend leave' when they've been in for awhile providing they're not going to be having treatment, not wired up to machines/drips, not at severe risk, and don't live too far away from the hospital. If you do live far from the hospital they may let your husband out for the day so you can be together without being in hospital.

BitterAndTwisted

EssexGirl wrote: »

How the hell do I cope with this? I can't keep crying or being grumpy with the kids, it's not fair on them.

Actually, you can. I think your 13 year-old is grown up enough to see how desperately worried you are and how much you are missing their Daddy.

Have you phoned anyone yet to arrange some respite care or help for yourself?

If you were my friend I'd be very disappointed if you thought that you had to shoulder this burden on your own and tried to carry on as normal.

Gigglepig

So sorry to hear you are going through this. Please don't be afraid to reach out for help. Can your husband's family baby sit for you so you can get a break and spend some time with your OH? Or perhaps you have other relatives... if they are good people, they most likely won't mind helping you in a crisis. Good luck and hopefully your OH will be fine soon.

Jesswithwings

I completely agree with B&T. If I knew you I would take those kids for however long you needed me to so you can have some time alone or time with your husband. I'm sure your friends would be more than happy to help you out. And It is absolutely fine to cry with the kids - it validates how they're feeling (particularly your 13 year old) and shows that is ok to cry together.

Hang in there honey, keep talking to us - don't try and get through this by yourself xx

POPPYOSCAR

Ask your friends for help.

You need someone to help you even if it is only to offload your worries ,thats what a friend is.

I would not advise him coming out of hospital, it is best to stay there until they find out what is wrong.The way things are he might not get his bed back(and that was said by a nurse to me a couple of weeks ago).

I imagine you are in a state of shock and I know how that feels right now. Take each day as it comes. Do not be afraid to cry it is a release, you will get stronger, and tell your friends how you are feeling, they will want to help.

CH27

Please ask for friends for help & support.
I would be very hurt if my friends needed help & hadn't asked.

BlondeHeadOn

I had a similar situation, and didn't want to directly ask for help from my group of friends. I just found it hard to ask.

What I did do was to email just one friend who I knew would act swiftly - I asked her to let everyone else know what was happening, and that I was struggling a bit at the moment and could use a few positive 'vibes'.

She immediately sent an email to everyone we knew, and I was then contacted by all my friends asking what they could do to help, and offering a variety of practical help and support. It was so much easier to have the help offered, rather than having to ask.

It was great, and meant so much to me - I don't think I could have got through it all otherwise.

Worth a try?

krlyr

True friends won't feel burdened. If you have a few then they can work on a rota - even if it's just helping out with little things like washing the baby's clothes so you don't run out of a change of clothes, cooking a few dinners for you to freezer to microwave, etc.
My stepdad had a similar scare, rushed to hospital with suspected appendicitis but they opened him up to find a health appendix. Luckily they took a look while they were in there and found a mass on his intestine. Very scary time for the family and lots of time waiting for the biopsy results but fortunately it can back clear - the doctors and a relative who's a nurse both said the chances of it being benign were very slim, but someone has to make up those good statistics! I hope you get similar good news soon.

Emmarillo

Sending you loads of virtual support too.

My husband is my best friend too, and just reading your post brought tears to my eyes, as i'd be devastated if I was in your position.

Like you i'm not very good at asking for help but like everyone else has said - now is the time. People WANT to help you. You're not putting on anyone. BlondeHeadOn's idea is great - is there someone who would let other people know to save you doing it?

Definitely see if your husband can come home at the weekend. That would be a great boost for you both.

I hope with all my heart that this is something that can be dealt with quickly and thoroughly.

Take care x x x