Getting over infidelity / regaining trust

victory

You have to ask yourself is it worth th pain, the hurt, the wondering, the time you have put into the relationship, do you love him unconditionally, in love with him, need him, want him, can't imagine a moment without him?
If yes then go to counselling and talk talk talk until you are hoarse , so long as you are both on thesame page, then yes, eventually, one day, it will not be so painful and yes you can move on from it, it takes time, patience, understanding of what went wrong and just a bit of hope:D

secondname

Yes, I've been through it. ( I am a regular contributor but didn't want to answer by my normal username). We are still together 10 years later. I am 100% certain he has never repeated it. He was working away at the time. When I found out I was devastated. He was as well, no doubt because he was found out, but he seemed genuinely devastated when he saw how much hurt I went through.
We are close and happy but something died at that time and it will never go back to exactly the way it was before.
If he had repeated that- it would have been over. After witnessing my distress, to go and do it again-would have been unforgiveable.
We went through months of misery where I went through stages of crying, asking him why?, shouting at him, quiet anger. Then I decided that if we were to be together we had to get over that. We had so many deep discussions and at the end of it, I had to say to myself that I had to stop throwing the affair at him whenever I felt angry.
10 years on, stupid things like watching a soap and seeing affairs happening, still can get to me, but not a stabbing pain anymore.
And now to answer your question- only you can really answer that, we don't know the whole story. However, my opinion for what its worth, as he did this to you a second time knowing what you must have gone through when you found out- then its time to part. To put you throuh it once is bad enough, but to repeat it.......:(

Bettybigboobs

You will never get over it, it will always raise its ugly head at some stages. However you may be able to live with it. I also mention it often, Why? because i want to remind him of the pain it caused, and i also want to hurt him a little each time i say it. Madness? yes i believe it is. Can i help it?, no, i wish i could because each time it hurts me too. I don't condone affairs, lies, and i truely believe my vows meant everything i said, however i do also believe in 2nd chances. 3rd chances however i dont. Is it mad when i say, we needed something to "shake" us up, not to this extent, but definitly something was needed to get us back on track and make us realise just how important we both are to each other. Also, its a really long story in my case, but the situation we were both in, seeing each other only 4 times in that year due to working abroad, etc, i do (slightly) understand why it happened. I truely hope the ones given the 2nd chance grab it with both hands, and never break an innocents heart again in the way it certainly broke mine the first and i hope, only ever time. Good luck op, if its what you really want, and hope for then make sure he feels the same before wasting yet more of your life on somebody who doesnt deserve your time xx