Family members not talking to me - What would you do?

meritaten

hun - ignore the relatives and tell mum that the days of being the family butt of jokes is well and truly over! Tell mum that while she is your mum and you love her - YOU are not going to let people walk all over you, just because she doesnt have the backbone to stick up for herself or YOU!

They sound like horrible people anyway!

BitterAndTwisted

Crikey! I'd have blocked them on Facebook and blanked them in public since the moment that wedding-present cheque bounced.

They are horrible, corrosive people who don't deserve to have you in their lives. Don't give them another moment's thought. They're really not worth it. I admit, I'd be hurt that my own Mum wouldn't take my part in all this but that's her problem and most certainly not yours.

Have a happy life: that will be all the revenge you need.

Ginger_Poodle

A few random comments, OP.

They used to belittle you, to the extent that it made you cry. You have since turned your life round (every credit & congratulations), and they have now reduced themselves to petty insults. Of course they are jealous and that is sad. For them, not you...you should be bl**dy proud.

As a couple of others have mentioned, they are not exactly immediate family so you, in theory, could choose to cut them out. Your mum is maybe more of a concern. Again as already said it sounds like she is taking the easy route (family members cow-like, you trying best to cope and not really making a fuss. Perhaps it is time to make some noise and make your true feelings known to her? If you can't say it, why not have her read this thread. If she is not willing to put your feelings before theirs, then I would think that you would want to think long and hard about that.

You have a loving husband, children who are making their way in life and a home to be proud of. Head up & sod them x

meritaten

I have to ask Charityworker - was your mum the butt of family 'jokes'? sounds to me like she may have had a life time of it and has either learned to ignore it - or not let rip at them for the sake of a 'quiet life'? You may have totally shocked her you know! she may have assumed that you too would lie down and take it!
if this is the case, then encourage HER too to 'rebel'! she never knows - she may enjoy it!

katiecoodle

I'd just like to say that it sounds like you've been bullied by them for a long time, they've got away with it & encouraged each other to do it, they are continuing to do it but now you're asserting yourself & not taking it. It IS a shame to fall out with family members, especially as it obviously puts other people (your mum?) in the middle a bit, but are you able to calmly tell these people that you're really hurt by their comments & that you don't want to be called names? I know it sounds obvious to most people, but don't forget that these people have been used to acting this way towards you & haven't been told that its inappropriate before. I also think that you need to have a chat with your mum & ask her for her support too. If she wants to accept their insults, that's up to her, but I'd expect her to be able to stand up for you if it continued.

MarilynMonroe_2

They either genuinly don't like you and are being nasty to hurt you, or it could just be the way they are and to them they are being funny and didnt think you would take their comments so much to heart.

Maybe write them a letter telling them how they made you feel and if they are sorry then they'll make the move to make friends with you again. xx

Kay_Peel

Part of me says 'ignore them', but the other part says that you need to deal with these gits for your own peace of mind. I make some suggestions about how to do it below.

You have suffered their taunts and nastiness for some considerable time - possibly most of your life. Your mother has never taken your part against them or faced them down - she prefers a quiet life without confrontation. She even dismisses your distress by shrugging off their comments. She placates you by promising to have a word, but backs down and never keeps her promises. I assume that she lacks assertiveness or is afraid of your aunt/cousins.

The aunt and cousins know how to hit you where it really hurts. They do it as a gang on Facebook. They target the occasion when you were probably shining with happiness, contentment and beauty - your wedding day. What sad, sad gits they are.

But first, let's deal with your mother. I feel that she has let you down by not standing up for you when you were younger. With her backing, you could have been stronger and not so down-trodden. By not challenging the gits, she has given them the impression that you are fair game and that there will be no comebacks. She deserves a boot up the arxse (sorry that's my answer for most things, but I know it's not everyone's style!).

If not a 'boot up the arxse' then, at least, I'd be having a frank discussion with my mother about her failings and omissions, spelling out the impact that it has had on me, if I were you. I would do it when you are calmer and less inclined to burst into tears. Tell her that you want to sort out the family bullies NOW, once and for all - and that you want her to do it with you. Together you are stronger. Perhaps your mother has her own issues with aunt and cousins - so I wouldn't leave it to her to 'have a word' - she won't do it, anyway.

That's the main reason why I think you and your mother need to tackle the aunt together. Look for an opportunity to meet her alone, with your mother, and sort her out. She owes you and your mother an apology - a grovelling one - and she should be made to explain the Facebook episode. She ought not to get away with it this time.

As for the rest of the family - that's easy. Continue on your path; have a fulfilling marriage; just be you. Your achievements will be the best revenge ever.

Good luck!

Emmarillo

I think insecure people love someone to look down on, be it a family member or downtrodden 'friend'. It makes them feel better about themselves. Charityworker - you were that person. All the time you were single struggling to find a permanent home or job, she could look at her alcoholic husband, crumbling house and job she hates and say 'Well I'm still better off than Charityworker'.

Now you've upset the equilibrium. Not just one thing is going right for you - everything is, and she HATES it. Don't waste another second worrying about an aunt who is so foul she tries to ruin her own neices wedding memories with her hurtful comments, and makes sure all your friends can see them too. If you can be bothered the only thing you should feel is pity.

I think your mum has probably been the victim of this womans hilarious jokes far too often and is burying her head in the sand. Some people can do this, but you can't and shouldn't be expected to. Agree to disagree with your parents and make sure your relationship with them is ok, but you've blocked those people from facebook, now block them from your life.

Sorry for the rant!!

DKLS

What would I do?

I would post the following on facebook:

"If you are reading this you have survived the friend cull "

Then quickly follow up with:

"Whoops sorry my true friends, I meant FAMILY CULL, adios toxic relatives"

Then delete every single one of them and cut them from your real life, I learnt a long time ago its simply not worth having toxic people in your life.

bestpud

What would I do?

Stop involving your mother as she obviously has her own reasons for avoiding a confrontation and it's not her problem anyway.

Ignore them all - do you really think its worth worrying about people like that? Their comments are worth nothing as they don't give honest opinion - they just go for the jugular.

Decide how you will move forward with your mother. You have two options: cut her from your life too, or decide her good points outweighs her faults and you still want her in your life.

What you must do is stop looking to others to sort this out.

You're an adult and must decide for yourself how you will handle it. It's really nothing to do with your mother - its between you and the nasty relatives.