Really cant cope :( [Merged]

meritaten

We have a childrens minister here in wales - I dont know where you are OP, but do YOU have one? I think this issue is so serious that if you have a childrens minister they should definately get involved.
Best to write in the first instance so that you can set things out as clearly and calmly as you can - Your OP was excellent btw - base your letter on that. send it signed for so that you can track when its been recieved - dont forget to include ALL your contact details. including moby and email addys. then once its been recieved give it a couple of days and follow up with a phone call!
your child should have her own social support worker (they have those here in Wales for children with issues) I am not sure if that is the case elsewhere!
If you dont have a childrens minister then I would try my MP. they hold regular surgeries, but again, I would write first. easy enough to find your MP and their contact details.
just google 'your MP' and I think, but wont swear to it, they may be listed on the Direct.gov site.
Action needs to be taken and it is long overdue!

patchwork_cat

I had never heard of attachment disorder, so I looked it up and thought others might be interested in the link I found http://www.attachmentdisorder.net/Symptoms_Causes_Research.htm

snookey

I know this is going to sound harsh but the best thing for your daughter would be going into care. If its a matter of keeping her safe and getting the help she needs then maybe this is the way to go.

Savvy_Sue

mrs_lollypop wrote: »

Thats a really silly idea. She'll end up more damaged going through the system.

I agree. teabag, have you thought of home schooling? I know it's been suggested before, but if the school is no help, and she's not safe there, and you can't get her anywhere else, what have you got to lose?

teabag29

Thanks. I have thought about home schooling, infact i've looked into it quite a bit. The 4 things holding me back are 1) when I mentioned it at the caf everyone said no its a bad idea and the education welfare officer was particularly concerned 2) Her behaviour is very poor especially at home and I dont think its all down to her struggles at school, therfore school is my only form of respite from her (I know that must sound awful but she really is a handful), 3)My youngest daughter hasnt started school yet so it would be difficult to look after her aswell as teach my eldest and deal with her behaviour at the same time and finally 4)It has taken me several years (abuse, pregnancy, death and burgaled along the way) but I have finally gotten a degree and I really want to use it and find employment. I guess this one can be put off if I home schooled but its taken so much to get it I am very keen to use it.

I am still thinking about home schooling and if the statement is turned down i'm deffo going for it but i'm holding off until then and i'm going to fight as best as I can to get dd the help she needs. I'm hoping the paediatrician appt next month will go in my favour too

patchwork_cat

Have you read my link and read about the causes? If that is the diagnosis that you get then I second the idea about a good foster home.

teabag29

patchwork_cat wrote: »

Have you read my link and read about the causes? If that is the diagnosis that you get then I second the idea about a good foster home.

what are you saying? I have already explained the cause of why she may have attachment disorder. Her w****r of a father abused her brother whilst I was at work when she was 22mths old, he shook him and wouldnt admit to it and tried to blame me so therefore social services had no choice but to send her to live with my mum until he pleaded guilty. If she has attachment disorder its because she was separated from me as a young child.....so what are you getting at about her being better off in a home?

bestpud

teabag29 wrote: »

Thanks. I have thought about home schooling, infact i've looked into it quite a bit. The 4 things holding me back are 1) when I mentioned it at the caf everyone said no its a bad idea and the education welfare officer was particularly concerned 2) Her behaviour is very poor especially at home and I dont think its all down to her struggles at school, therfore school is my only form of respite from her (I know that must sound awful but she really is a handful), 3)My youngest daughter hasnt started school yet so it would be difficult to look after her aswell as teach my eldest and deal with her behaviour at the same time and finally 4)It has taken me several years (abuse, pregnancy, death and burgaled along the way) but I have finally gotten a degree and I really want to use it and find employment. I guess this one can be put off if I home schooled but its taken so much to get it I am very keen to use it.

I am still thinking about home schooling and if the statement is turned down i'm deffo going for it but i'm holding off until then and i'm going to fight as best as I can to get dd the help she needs. I'm hoping the paediatrician appt next month will go in my favour too

Personally, I could not send my dd to school if I thought she was at risk of having sex and/or being killed on a road.

I don't want to be critical but I really cannot understand why you'd let her go if these risks are as bad as you say. No way would I do that to my child - I just don't get it.

I do understand your reasons for not wanting to home ed though and it does have to be a family decision.

That said, taking her out of school for her own safety, may well kick start some action, particularly if the powers that be would prefer her in school.

At the very least she would be safe while they assess your statement application. (It is worth appealing if they refuse first time too.)

My advice is to stop her going for now, but write a very clear letter stating your reasons and who you've told etc. Copy it to anyone and everyone involved in her case. You should be following up every telephone call and f2f meeting with a written letter anyway - paper trails come into their own where there is problems like this.

Something has to change.

teabag29

bestpud wrote: »

Personally, I could not send my dd to school if I thought she was at risk of having sex and/or being killed on a road.

I don't want to be critical but I really cannot understand why you'd let her go if these risks are as bad as you say. No way would I do that to my child - I just don't get it.

I do understand your reasons for not wanting to home ed though and it does have to be a family decision.

That said, taking her out of school for her own safety, may well kick start some action, particularly if the powers that be would prefer her in school.

At the very least she would be safe while they assess your statement application. (It is worth appealing if they refuse first time too.)

My advice is to stop her going for now, but write a very clear letter stating your reasons and who you've told etc. Copy it to anyone and everyone involved in her case. You should be following up every telephone call and f2f meeting with a written letter anyway - paper trails come into their own where there is problems like this.

Something has to change.

I was under the impression that if I take her out then all the help will stop as she is nolonger schools problem? I also assumed that I would nolonger be able to apply for a statement if shes not at school? how can i prove school arent meeting he needs if she isnt there, also parent partnership said I couldnt move her while the application is in place

patchwork_cat

I don't think you are coping very well and I did not say a home, I said good foster care. You have numerous threads about not coping, I am merely saying that if that is the case then maybe it is time for some short term foster care.

You do seem to fulfil some criteria for parents in the link I posted and I don't think it is doing either of you any good.