Really cant cope :( [Merged]

teabag29

I have wrote lots of threads about my dd but to cut a long story short she has learning disabilities (shes 13 and currently functioning educationally and emotionally around age 7), sensory issues, behaviour problems, cant form friendships, still believes in santa, likes to play alone, needs routine, very poor hygiene etc (too much to go into but you get the jist).

School are less than useless and wont give her more than 5 hours literacy help per week. E.p's report has been largely ignored by school. I'm awaiting paediatrician appt on 19th dec (1 thing that i suspect is attachment disorder), ceips are also involved for 8 sessions and salt are contacting me this week for their 1st appt, camhs have also been involved.

I am working with parent partnership to gather evidence for a statement, they think i stand a chance as there is so much history (dd was abused by her father as a toddler and separated from me for a year until he pleaded guilty) and dd is not only very behind but very vulnerable. School however say statements are almost always turned down now and will be declined, they have had children in much more need than my dd who have been declined a statement.....i'm still going to try though!

Anyway dd's behaviour has always been poor but over the past month its got to the stage i just cant cope with it. She is swearing all the time, stealing, hitting her siblings and smashing their things, i've recently found out she is smoking and a boy in her class has asked her to meet him at the park for sex so im petrified where this will end up. At school though she isnt badly behaved to the point they are concerned, quite the opposite actually and so they wont help. They have a very high number of sen kids and the top priority for them is the ones who display the poorest behaviour in class (i.e hitting the teachers, swearng etc)

I put her on report when she was truanting earlier this year (picked up by me not school) and insisted she stay on it so i know shes in school however school say they cant stop her going out at lunch and even though she has no sense of danger and has almost been ran over, is smoking in the park so other kids will like her and has a lad asking her for sex (which she doesnt really know what it is) they still wont do anything to keep her in at lunch.

Ive rang my pp worker who has suggested ringing socail services as its a safe guarding issue. I have tried them myself but they said they couldnt help (back in jan/feb time). I'm not sure how i feel abut them being involved tbh, there are so many professionals involved at present and all it does is send dd's behaviour worse and nothing seems to be getting done. All i know is i cant cope with her behaviour much longer but i dont know what to do.

Scrap that...pp have just rang back and social services dont feel they can help, its something school should be dealing with even though they arent. My pp worker stressed how concerned she is and are we all just gonna sit back and watch this child be put at risk because everyone wants to pass it on to someone else and nobody is actually doing anything...ss are going to ring me and the school today and go from there

dirtysexymonkey

can you ring social services yourself rather than waiting for them? i think anyone in your situation has to be proactive and turn into the driving force because the professionals are so overwhelmed with cases to deal with that they dont have the time or energy to chase up everyone else so you need to push yourself forward so they cant ignore you.

CH27

I think you need to kick up a stink with SS & your GP.

teabag29

I have rang them several times and keep getting told they cant help which is why I hoped another professional referring me might sway them. I get carers allowance and dla for dd and I thought that meant they had an obligation to asess her....how wrong I was

septemberblues

Sorry I can't help but I just wanted to wish you good luck for the future with your dd x

doodoot

Your daughter's school have a duty of care when she is there, and I find it disgraceful that they are more or less washing their hands.

If she's in any danger of hurting herself due to a lack of awareness of her surroundings whilst out of school, they should be agreeing with you that she stays in.

Is moving schools a possibility? Is there a school locally who specialises in helping kids with similar problems?

I ask this as it sounds as though even if she did get a statement, her current school still wouldn't be on the ball.

I'm currently dealing with CMAHS and SALT and have found them wonderful in giving sound advice - it may be the case that school won't listen until CAMHS get firmly involved.

Inclusion for your daughter at school is very important in her development, but if it's making things worse then I reckon you should be contacting the board of governors and also your LEA.

teabag29

doodoot wrote: »

Your daughter's school have a duty of care when she is there, and I find it disgraceful that they are more or less washing their hands.

If she's in any danger of hurting herself due to a lack of awareness of her surroundings whilst out of school, they should be agreeing with you that she stays in.

Is moving schools a possibility? Is there a school locally who specialises in helping kids with similar problems?

I ask this as it sounds as though even if she did get a statement, her current school still wouldn't be on the ball.

I'm currently dealing with CMAHS and SALT and have found them wonderful in giving sound advice - it may be the case that school won't listen until CAMHS get firmly involved.

Inclusion for your daughter at school is very important in her development, but if it's making things worse then I reckon you should be contacting the board of governors and also your LEA.

If I could get her to another school I would pull her out tomorrow but I cant, this is one of the big reasons for wanting a statement so that she can go to a school more adapted to her needs and transport can be written into it. Camhs were really good and seemed to be taking me seriously until they got a copy of the ep report which highlights her needs very well and so they discharged her and diagnosed her with learning disabilities and general development delay. They said they cant do anything to make school pull their finger out as its their job, school dont interfere with them and vice versa. The o.t who saw dd recently for dyspraxia took a look at all my concerns (which i had written and took with me) and was shocked that camhs had discharged her and so have referred me to paediatrician but they also said they cant get involved with school.

Seems only school can put in the help she needs but they wont. Dd is 13 and cannot recite her alphabet and doesnt know the months, isnt able to swim or ride a bike and still believes in santa yet they expect her to keep up with year 8 national curriculum. Her latest reading and comprehension came back as age 6.06 years yet school say they are meeting her needs. I have to watch her crying each night when she gets home because she is so stressed with school and i'm the one who has to deal with her very poor behaviour because of it. I try to help her as best I can but her memory is so poor (age 5) even when I can make her understand certain things my teaching her slowly, she often doesnt remember them a few days later although I seem to be getting far more progress with her than the school are. My other children are all on the top levels too.

mugwump79

Firstly.... I am sending you a hug, a big squishy one.

Secondly, if I was ever in any doubt that my child was not being looked after at lunch time properly, with all the issues your daughter had, I would have her at home with me until the school did something that you felt was adequate.

My son attends a special needs school, I am going to be honest, you have to FIGHT for her. She cant do it. Get on the phone to the headteacher and Senco at the school, say you want a meeting, go there with your rep from parent partnership and tell them your worries and concerns and try to work out the best plan of action. GET EVERYTHING DOCUMENTED!!!

If this cant (wont happen) ring up your local council and ask to speak to the head of childrens services and tell them or their secretary about your concerns and ask for help, if they do not help, ring them every day until they do.

Contact your local mp, get them on board. As regards to her behaviour at home, speak to your gp and the peadiatrician, they must help. If they dont again, ring and ring, email, do it until you get what you need for your daughter.

You should not be having to deal with all this yourself, but you need to keep banging on peoples doors until they realise you are not going away and you want the best for your daughter, your are her only voice!

I went through all this, my hair fell out with the stress of it all, but my son is now happy and more importantly safe at school and getting the support he needs.

Sending you strength, keep on going until you get what is the best for her!!
Louise xxx

teabag29

mrs_lollypop wrote: »

Has your daughter had a confirmed diagnosis for learning disabilities, eg educational psychologist doing a full IQ test to determine her level of functioning? If your daughter was mine I'll be focusing strongly on how her learning disability is making her vulnerable to sexual exploitation as her comprehension is not on par with her peers so therefore she can't protect herself..... The person making advances toward her could get into really trouble if she lacks capacity to consent.

With a learning disability diagnosis its going to open more doors as she'll be entitled to specialist LD support now and in most importantly in the future so I'll be focusing more on that at the moment and get her specialist support as to be frank mainstream services are pretty dire...

Well the camhs report at the front says diagnosis:learning disabilities and general development delay. The ep report highlights her levels with several tests that were done and shows her overall learning as being on the 7th centile (each area was either below average or significantly below average) but the wording doesnt actually say diagnosis just that she is velnerable and will clearly struggle to keep up with her peers and if not given extra help is at high risk of a clinical disorder.

The thing is school are ignoring all the reports and recommendations and say she doesnt stand out as behind in class, but as my pp worker pointed out thats because the school has a very high number of sen pupils. I am gathering evidence for a statement as that about all i can do (i cant make people help her more unless this is in place) but it takes 6 mths and not guaranteed. I'm concerned that 6 mths is too far away, just last week she ran out into the road and was very nearly run down. I've been on the phone almost daily to every professional involved and have appts left right and centre but everyone keeps telling me its a school issue and they have to help her but they wont give her anymore help.

I have caff meetings (initiated by myself after 6 months of demanding them) every 6 weeks and the teachers dont even turn up, apparently the head prefers them teaching. The education welfare officers answer to school not meeting her needs at the last caf (when i highlighted they have ignored the advice of the ep) was "and what are you doing"? in a very sarcastic tone. Fortunately I was able to pull out a folder with all the work I have been doing with her at home including a supervised reading record and I explained how the things I have done with her not only got her, her best marks but also she has remembered them due to the way I taught her (slowly and 3 or 4 times as suggested in the ep report). This shows that given extra time to digest the info she can learn, as highlighted in the ep report but school say they havent the staff and time to give her anymore 1:1

teabag29

Thats the thing she is showing poor behaviour at school but they aren't acknowledging it as they have far worse pupils so they see her as good. For example this year alone she has truanted, stolen off other pupils and staff and been caught on cctv stealing from the school cupboard, detentions for not bringing in her pe kit (on purpopse), general rule breaking (i.e constantly chewing in class even after bein told off, wearing boots and clothes that arent allowed, late for lessons), cannot get on with other kids and constantly involved in fights and name calling (and is also the reciever of name calling regularly), shop lifting whilst supposed to be at school (from co-op near the school). How this isnt bad behaviour i dont know!

consumers_revenge

Can just ditto the hug.....

Nightmare and I really hope it works out for both of you..