OK......Here's my dilemma.....what would you do?

PinkLipgloss

butterflylady131 wrote: »

I guess I justify bubba going to nursery because I'm not confident I'm able to develop her as well as nursery does. Guess I don't have much confidence in myself really.

I think you should address this as with a bit of know how you can do better than the nursery as you have the special mother bond with her and can give her lots of one-to-one attention which I doubt the nursery can offer.

There are loads of great books and websites out there. For example, the babycentre website has great ideas for games and activities to play with your baby which are separated into sections depending on how many weeks old your baby is. The games and activities are specifically focusing on developing your baby's skills.

You could also, if you have not already, join a mother and baby group, that way you can both make friends and the group will also be able to help with giving you ideas of age appropriate activities.

balletshoes

butterflylady131 wrote: »

Hi,
Thanks to all that replied. Both me and my husband would like another baby as I'm 37, and have been instructed for health reasons to have one as quickly as we can, to leave it later would bring on more health problems. We were trying 5 years to have bubba, and now that we know that we can, we both think that we would like to add to our family.

Yes, £18k is a lot of debt. i'm not naive to think other wise, but if I don't work, we can sell my car, and put the money towards paying off the debt. My job does not have good career prospects, and is just a bog standard admin role. Ideally, I would like to be able to work opposite DH's job, so he can be home to look after bubba when I'm at work. I've never not worked, and the thought of it scares me.

I guess I justify bubba going to nursery because I'm not confident I'm able to develop her as well as nursery does. Guess I don't have much confidence in myself really.

And I agree that having her going to nursery to allow me time to do housework is a luxury. That will be stopping in January.

you're her mum - you want whats best for her, and at not even a year old yet, you and her would get plenty of quality developing time together if you decided to stop working. There are lots of baby/toddler groups around which are more drop-in rather than a fixed must-do and must pay in advance. Don't doubt you would be great for her development - of course you would, you're her Mum .

Tilly1810

OP, you need to develop some confidence in yourself!! You're doing great as a Mum, and working as well, don't lose sight of that!

As for having another baby, I would hold off on that, don't feel pressured by the medical folk... You need to do what is right by your little family group hun!

butterflylady131

I think that makes sense. Still leaves me with the confidence think though. How did you know how to develop your child and make sure she/he learns all the things they need to? I find it quite overwhelming at times when I think that this week I need to be teaching her how to hold a cup, or introducing her to the toothbrush etc.

Sorry-crossposted!!!!!!! I think I find it just a little bit pressurised this society that we live in that means we have to have the perfect house, that's sparkling clean all the time, and babies who are super intelligent and careers, not jobs, and add that to the fact that we have to look like supermodels when we get out of bed on a morning, and I guess I'm heading for a nervous breakdown!!!!!

onlyroz

Two new babies (or soon to be), £18k in debt being paid off at the minimum rate, a low paid part-time job, and you want a bigger mortgage? Sorry, but I think this is a fantasy.

claire16c

butterflylady131 wrote: »

I think that makes sense. Still leaves me with the confidence think though. How did you know how to develop your child and make sure she/he learns all the things they need to? I find it quite overwhelming at times when I think that this week I need to be teaching her how to hold a cup, or introducing her to the toothbrush etc.

I think the fact you are worrying means you are steps ahead of other parents already.

Like pinklipgloss says there are plenty of resources. you could buy some books if you are really concerned that show what babies should know at certain ages etc.

PinkLipgloss

The key is not to get stressed.

Babies meet milestones are different times as numerous factors are involved. Your baby will not learn skills like how to hold a cup correctly overnight - no baby will - it takes patience and practise! Completely avoid comparisons - don't listen to Mrs X who says little Johnny was doing everything by X months. It will be a gross exaggeration and lead you to unnecessarily panic.

Play and interact with your baby - chat and have fun and she will flourish!

balletshoes

butterflylady131 wrote: »

I think that makes sense. Still leaves me with the confidence think though. How did you know how to develop your child and make sure she/he learns all the things they need to? I find it quite overwhelming at times when I think that this week I need to be teaching her how to hold a cup, or introducing her to the toothbrush etc.

well you can start by stopping thinking you and your child need to follow a week-by-week progress map! Babies progress at their own speed, with a lot of it you'll see when she's ready because she'll start wanting to copy what you do (with the cup, with the toothbrush, with finger foods, with spoon, then fork, then knife etc etc etc).

Relax and enjoy your child .

balletshoes

butterflylady131 wrote: »

i think i find it just a little bit pressurised this society that we live in that means we have to have the perfect house
no we don't
, that's sparkling clean all the time
nope it isn't
, and babies who are super intelligent
nope, safe and content is way more important
and careers, not jobs, and add that to the fact that we have to look like supermodels when we get out of bed on a morning
ahahahahahah - none of the above,
and i guess i'm heading for a nervous breakdown!!!!!
you are if you think any/all of that is important!!!!!

R E L A X and breathe lol

Money_maker

butterflylady131 wrote: »

I find it quite overwhelming at times when I think that this week I need to be teaching her how to hold a cup, or introducing her to the toothbrush etc.

Sorry-crossposted!!!!!!! I think I find it just a little bit pressurised this society that we live in that means we have to have the perfect house, that's sparkling clean all the time, and babies who are super intelligent and careers, not jobs, and add that to the fact that we have to look like supermodels when we get out of bed on a morning, and I guess I'm heading for a nervous breakdown!!!!!

So you've hit the nail on the head there.

Your baby does not know when you need to introduce new concepts to her but she will have fun learning when she/you are ready.

A non-perfect house is better for baby (needs some germs) and you.

Not many supermodels down my way