A new 'tougher' thread... and so it continues

Hobsons_Choice

I was an only child and mom left when I was eight, so I was brought up by my (postman) dad and my gran. From the age of 12 there was just me and dad and I did most of the housework/cooking after school. Needless to say, money was exceedingly tight and I remember having only one holiday, to a rellies in Folkestone.....but I always knew my dad loved me, and my gran was the best in the world!
Got married and we were living in a rented flat over a shop when DS1 was born and had to vacate before he started toddling (snotty shop owner) so scrimped a deposit (with help) and managed a house with hardly any furniture. DS2 arrived at that house, things went from skint to very skint, but we got by. Clothes from Birmingham Rag Market, healthy meals and hand made toys for the kids.
DS1 is now a chef in a good restaurant, DS2 a Chief Inspector with the police, both are happy and well adjusted, and they had boundaries when growing up, a thing some parents forget these days.
Never ever think that throwing money at kids is the right way to go, it does them no favours for the hardships of grown-up life.
Fuddle: you're an excellent parent and the children will thank and respect you for it as they grow.

Dee2012

Growing up for me was slightly different, my mum already had 4 kids and the youngest was 13, she though she was going through the change at 48 only to be told she was having me. She hated it and cryed for the next 6 months, as she really didnt want me. I was always in the way and remember as I child her telling me I had spoilt everything. But my dad loved me so much and tried to make up for it, taking me to the park, visiting my grandparents who also loved me. Then when I was 17 he died of cancer but he told me before he died that no matter what my mum told me just remember that he loved me and he wanted me and never to forget that.

My mum died when I was 38 and up until she died she never told me once that she loved me, yet she told my older sisters and brothers all the time.

I had three beauitful children and she wasnt interested in them, but that was her loss.I made sure my kids knew they were wanted and loved.
My kids always talk about the times we spent together as a family, only they are not kids anymore 35. 29. 27. But they still laugh now at things they did when they were small.

Fuddle Just remember kids will always remember the times you spend with them and being told they are loved Not what toys they had.Thats whats important and always will be.

maryb

Dee that's so sad. I can't understand how a woman who had already had 4 children she loved could feel like that. Babies bring their own love!

Dee2012

Maryb I not sure maybe she though she had passed all that, then at 48 had to do it all again. I always remember my nan (Dads Mum) saying to my dad a baby is a blessing and should be treated as such.

grandma247

Dee I can understand how your mum felt when she found she was pregnant. I fell pregnant at 44 ,I already had five children and there is a 25 year gap between my youngest and oldest. I went into a kind of frozen animation thing and just did what I had to do every day and tried not to feel how disappointed I was. I had been looking forward to a few years of freedom with dh. We had been parents for soo many years and we married young.

When I first set eyes on my Son I fell in love. I had never felt it so quickly with any of my kids before. Even if that had not happened I would have done everything I could to make it happen eventually because I did not want him to suffer. It was not his fault. It still took a long time to come out of the frozen animation thing though, about four years.

Maybe your Mother should have had help to get to that place where she could love you but in the past the help often was not there.

My Daughter in law was a change baby too. Her mother actually sent her to live with her grandmother because she could not cope and they had battled constantly. I think it took many, many years before they learned to love one another. There is a lot to read between the lines here but I would not want anyone to recognise her from what I write.

I had some horrible things happen to me as a child but I also had some wonderful things happen. If all of my home life been good I would have had a very happy childhood. Fortunately there were just enough good people over the years so I didn't turn out warped, just a bit dented.

Fuddle tell yourself every day you are a powerful, wonderful human being and you deserve to be loved and cherished.

ginnyknit

As I see it there are many people on here whose advice, compassion and kindness show what great people they are despite what tough times they have had growing up or in the present.

Smileyt you are a good friend to me and many and do a lot for everyone, signing on is your right and you have paid that money in, and its not as if you don't work when there is a job there for you. ps your lodger is a numpty

Word of warning never spill vimto on your keyboard - it really bu**ers it up. I forgot to tell OH and he thought it was on its last legs :rotfl:

Hardup_Hester

I was an only child, we weren't skint as both my parents worked but my mum was a bit 'fur coat & no knickers', couldn't have cooked a healthy meal if you held a gun to her head & her housewifery was nonexistant (as is mine).
She suffered with 'nerves' & not long after she married the Dr suggested that having a baby would make them better (someone please shoot that Dr, by the time I was 3 months old it was obvious I'd made the situation worse not better, lol.
Still, she did her best & what more can anyone do, I had 4 children & it was the best thing I ever did, my kids often talk about things we did when they were little, cooking, recreating the Somme in a muddy patch in the garden & lighting fires to cook sausages. Lots of glueing & glitter at Christmas.
There was meeting at work where it was acknowledged that 5 members of support staff have taken a huge hit in our wage packet which is good as I can always pay the bills with acknowledgement!
I have listed stuff on Ebay & Amazon, including my blankets & given up my daily 30p coffee from the machine.
I'm still looking for more places to save a few pennies.
Hester

mardatha

Random thought as I eat my porridge -
Byatt, a dream of driving a car with your eyes shut means you don't know where your life is going at present, in dreams a vehicle=your life.
Re snotty erks in jobcentres/workplaces, these people work very hard at making better people feel small. It stops them realising how inadequate they are. Seriously.
I am a very deep shade of green from the pics of Memorygirl's store cupboard. That's what I want but mine would fit int he bottom two shelves of that one..

Uniscots97

Morning All, hope everyone is well. My parents were 21 when I appeared, apparently I was a "bug" according to the doctor as the pregnancy test didn't back as positive till my Mum was 5 months gone! I appeared 4 weeks later weighing 1lb 11oz. My parents went through hell and had to have a very quick adjustment. I've seen my medical file and according to that I stopped breathing 9 times in the space of my first 3 months (spent in hospital). By the time I was old enough to remember my Dad shortly after lost his job and we had very little money. Dad did get another job but nowhere near as well paid and Mum worked two jobs. Days out were usually with my grandparents on my Mum's side who I lived with for part of primary school (as my parents wanted to buy a house but it meant buying in a cheaper part of the country) and then for most of my time at university and then again when I moved back to Scotland in my 20s to save up for buying a house. I almost saw them more as a second set of parents. But I do remember learning to sew, knit, craft stuff (learned from my Gran on my Dad's side) and growing veg. My parents moved to the country when I was 10 and after finishing primary school (my parents didn't want to move me) I moved back with them. I know a lot of people won't agree with this but I was taught (as I found out a lot of farm or small-holding children are) to shoot rabbits. When my parents had barely any money coming in (80's and miners strikes), I would go out and shoot rabbits for the pot (I still hate rabbit stew) with my Dad, got sent with a bucket and a chisel hammer to get coal from an open air seam (untapped then) to use to heat our house. I would love to see that house again (stone cottage built in 1600) but the house was compulsory purchased from my parents when I was 17 as they wanted to open cast mine the area. Locals protested that the house should be kept and the proposal was they would mine around the house. Mysteriously the house burned down and was deemed unsafe and the coal board bulldozed it. The area is now one gaping great whole in the ground and the only thing that remains is the gate at the bottom of the road.

mardatha

Really really have to post this - its so funny, please watch it! The euro crisis in a nutshell... I wish to god somebody could make the cabinet watch this and see their red faces.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NOzR3UAyXao