A new 'tougher' thread... and so it continues

jpscloud

smileyt, hugs to you - I know what it's like on JSA. I am lucky enough to have a contract for the moment, but no one is ever secure these days.

I know exactly what you mean about the self worth, and you go for interviews and meet some utter fools who are so full of their own self importance it makes you feel ill, let alone wondering how the heck they managed to get a job in the first place.

Keep your chin up chick - times may be hard but we have each other on this thread, thank goodness. I feel so beaten down sometimes by the realisation that my retirement will be desperately poor, but as you say, we are lucky compared to some other countries.

Byatt

Pure nostalgia, anyone watching BBC 2's Top of the Pops, playing music from the 70's and 80's?

maryb

You should see Memory Girl's storecupboard

http://mortgagefreeinthree.com/2012/04/weekly-shop-19-93/#more-2671

GreyQueen

Greetings from the Dark Side where it is cool and drizzling. My tatties and the beans will be perking up. I shall leave the allotment to mind itself tonight as have been running around like a blue-arrised fly lately and need to stop and catch up with myself. And do some washing-up.:)

fuddle, my childhood in the late 60s and 70s was very simple and very loving, like so many others have described. Dad worked in a factory, Mum was a SAHM until we were 9 and 7 then she went back to work p/t. Not because she had a career or felt underoccupied at home, but because with 2 fast-growing kids, we were always struggling for cash.

We had a lot of time and attention from both our parents and never doubted for a second that we were the centre of their universe. We never went cold, ragged or hungry, but home was basic; no carpets, central heating, phone, only a TV in later years. The folks got a car when I was in my early teens.

In summer we ran wild on the commons and in the woods, me spending half my life up trees with my Observer Book of Wild Plants in my pocket, a present from Nan. Hence my ability to identify all sorts of weeds. We'd go to visit my Nan biking together as a family (14 miles EACH WAY) and us only littlies. You'd be amazed how far kids can bike if you take it gently enough. No one in the whole family could remotely be described as sporty or athletic but we kept on trucking.

In summer we'd have the old tin bath (brought from a previous home that lacked a bathroom) as a paddling pool and used Fairy Liquid bottles as water pistols. We'd go with the parents to the river, one or two different places, with a picnic and some old towels and spend half the day larking about. Before we had a car, we'd have 2-3 trips to the seaside by coach per summer, and that seemed to be plenty. We had an old tent and would sleep out in that. We used to know every historical site within easy biking distance as we'd visit them, biking in convoy, Mum with the cooler on the back of her bike. Jam or cheese sarnies, flask of tea or squash, Club or Blue Riband choccie bar and an apple. Happy days.

I was a horse-mad child and only ever got to ride on holiday but my Mum knew how much it meant to me and from 13-16 (I left home at 16) I had a riding lesson most Saturdays. It was afforded at the price of not having a telephone and they got one when I left. I always used to feel safe in my handmade clothes and knitted jumpers. I never even went abroad until I was in my twenties (and paid for it myself) and never flew until my thirties (ditto). And then I went long haul and then sky-diving. BIG FUN.

I think it's harder for parents now as there is so much more of a consumer society but you were always at risk of being ostracised by other kids if you didn't have the right pushbike (a Chopper) or the right footwear ('orrible tan wedges and Adidas Green Flash as I recall).

However, you have to learn that you can't have everything which strikes your fancy in this world and I feel that parents who can't set loving limits on their childrens' acquisitiveness aren't doing them any favours in the long run. You run the risk of setting them up for a lifetime of discontentedness and debt.

I used to share a house with a family with young children and was present when the child's godfather (a pro chef) was baking a cake in the kitchen one day. The wee lad (about 3, maybe 2 and a half) was standing on a stool solemnly dropping pre-prepped apple slices into the cake mix under his godfather's supervision. There were no photos taken and it wasn't a special occasion of any kind, just a normal day. I was astonished about 3 years later to hear the lad refer to the incident unprompted and with obviously-fond memories.

Your children will remember the walks and the talks, the cake making, teaching them to knit, their pet(s) and the darndest little things. They won't remember that piece of plastic tat which you drew the line at, because you couldn't or wouldn't afford it.

Be there, be present, and live in the moment. They love you; that's a given, the rest is just the detail. Of course, the devil is in the detail. My Dad used to sneak into my bedroom and turn my dollies and teddies (all lined up under the covers ready for bed) upside down whilst I was brushing my teeth. It amused us both..............:rotfl:And we used to love coming in from school and being sent upstairs to drag him out of bed (he was a shift worker). Two little tykes, each with a double-grip on his arm, hauling as hard as we could to get him to shift........:D

I had a lovely childhood in a family with not a lot of money and I wouldn't swop it for anybody else's.

Mind you, I might be considered a bit unconventional by some but hey, I can handle it.

Wanna laugh? I had two people on the phone today ask me if I was a computer.:rotfl:Honestly, I know I have a sort of dulcet voice (get accused of dulcetting regularly but there's no law against it yet) but I don't think I sound computer-generated. The first person was a bit disappointed I was "real" and the second heartily-glad as had been stuggling with an automated system.

OK, better take myself off and wash that grill pan so I can do some sausages.............nomnomnom.

Possession

What a lovely post GQ. And my childhood was about the same but with Penguins instead of Blue Ribands!

smileyt_2

PAH, Possession, Byatt - thank you for your kind words. It's not too bad as I should be back in work in late September or early October (I work as a notetaker for disabled students at the Universities here) but it's having to go and sign on and be forced to look for work that is depressing. I don't mean that in a lazy way - I am happy to look for work but I feel like shouting at them that I'm a grown-up now and don't need someone breathing over my shoulder to supervise me! I think it's the attitude that anyone on benefits must be a scrounger. In my case I always feel as if they're thinking, "Why can't she get a proper job?" If I had full-time work I would end up in the psychiatric hospital within a month, that's why! This way I can still contribute by working and only signing on over the summer. Oh well, needs must. Ideally I would like a very part-time part-time job that I could do alongside the notetaking but I haven't found anyone who will employ me for that yet!

Silly lodger-boy has been ill - he left a pan of chicken and vegetables on top of the cooker and then went and stayed with a friend for two days. I thought he had taken it with him in tupperware boxes. However, no, it was still in the pan! He came home yesterday afternoon and ate some of it! I was at work or I would've warned him not to. He also had another helping later in the evening even though I was at home and warned him not to. Cue he was up several times in the night ..... Well, he has learned a valuable lesson about food hygiene! I thought it was just the pan that was smelly, and was cross with him, but it was actually the food I could smell. Daft lad!

VJsmum

I was one of 6 spread over 17 years (still am! ) although there was only a very brief time we were all 6 in the house at the same time. Money was extremely tight. My Dad was a manual worker, and my mum, extremely intelligent mum, was a barmaid.

I remember one occasion when I started school and we had to have a medical. Mum was late - nurse said "WHere's your mum" Me "she's up the pub!" Cue one startled nurse and one harrassed mother having to explain that she WORKED there (and it belonged to her sister!).

I think what we lacked in money, we made up for in freedom. We roamed all over the place, we lived by the coast and even though none of us could swim, we spent all our time by the water. Or we were at the playground - man I had some fun times at that grotty playground. i ran away from home once, to the playground. It was because we were having beans for tea, and "I don't like beans, do I?"

We had no money for niceties but we were always well fed, and we were kept as warm as we could be in a house that only had 2 gas fires. The parafin stove in the bathroom was lit on a Sunday so we could all have baths. We did all get our own water though.

We didn't realise we were missing anyting because everyone was the same - no-one had much money. Nowadays people know more about what they could "have" because of TV but then the programmes didn't focus on having money, either.

We were lucky because we were spoilt a bit by the pub owning auntie who didn't have children of her own. Me especially, because for many years I was the only girl of my generation, consequently I was a bit of a tomboy. My brothers used to use me as goalposts, cricket stumps, a trampoline!!

My kids have many monetary advantages, but they don't have the freedom. A bit more now they are older - but I wouldn't have let them out when they were little. We all looked after each other - now that doesn't really happen. One of the advantages of our caravanning holidays was that he kids had more freedom - even just popping to little camp site shops to buy sweets, or croissants when we went abroad. Playing out with a load of other kids, but it was only for a couple of weeks a year.

It's been often quoted here, but I think it's right when someone said "Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things". And also "the best things in life aren't things".

Mrs_Chip

GQ - that was a lovely description of a happy family life, how lucky you were. No wonder you are such a happy-go-lucky person (or are you???) :laugh::whistle:

Byatt

Awweeee GQ, that tugged at my heart strings. :)

GreyQueen

Mrs_Chip wrote: »

GQ - that was a lovely description of a happy family life, how lucky you were. No wonder you are such a happy-go-lucky person (or are you???) :laugh::whistle:

I am at once a simple soul and one of the most complicated characters you will ever meet. Highly-strung and laid-back, all in one package. An awful lot of the rellies in Mum's family-of-origin (she was raised by foster-parents) have bi-polar disorder and various other issues. I count my blessings that I was raised in such a secure and loving environment or it might have turned out very differently for me.

At the moment, I'm happy as a clam eating a plate of sausages and new potatoes and frozen peas. I have a comfy sofa and a stack of library books. My bills are paid and all is well with the world.

Smileyt, forgot to say; don't you DARE put yourself down because you sign on for part of the year. You're great and if I have to, I'll risk crossing the Pennines and give you a personal telling-off and I'm more than a foot taller than you, btw!