A new 'tougher' thread... and so it continues

Mrs_Chip

We have rain here and for once I don't mind as it is freshening everything up!

Is it just the male of the species that has an inbuilt dislike of vegetables? It has take 27 years to get OH to a point where he will eat them without pulling a face (he once even said that some cabbage was 'delicious' :rotfl:), but he would not care if he never had them again.

I love veg in all their forms, and I do look forward to late spring when all the young vegetables are ready and I can cook great heaps of them

ETA - Fuddle, mix the rhubarb and sugar juice with some fizzy water or lemo and drink it!

mardatha

"Is it just the male. of the species that has an inbuilt dislike of vegetables?"
***************
Polite cough from Scotland
There actually is no point at all to vegetables!! Unless its for coos or wabbits to chomp on.
FUDDLE pet, I had quite a traumatic and odd childhood and I'm quite normal
:rotfl::rotfl: Of course I am!

Mrs_Chip

Mar - :rotfl: We will get you enjoying veggies! Or die trying....

And my childhood was not entirely normal either but I am almost sane

Byatt

Fuddle, I tried 3 replies to your original post and deleted, because I was rambling on about my childhood and yes, I still have the scars in more ways than one, even now. It is the atmosphere in the home and the lack of doing things with children that has an effect I feel. As SDG so succinctly put it, the lack of attention has the biggest effect. My parents argued all the time, money was very tight, we were poor even by the standards of the day, but that wasn't an issue for me. It was the fact they put all their spare time into their church that even to this day, and especially since having a DD of my own, makes me wonder how they could do it. There were 4 of us, and none of us have escaped the after effects. My DD remembers what I do with her not what I gave or give her materially.

I suffer from social anxiety so understand where you are coming from. I have had odd occasions when I have not felt afraid, one in particular stands out, it lasted about a week and I thought, this is how "normal" people live...it was wonderful. My DD is very outgoing, as I was determined not to pass on my anxieties...

I am sure the counselling will help, be kind to yourself. xxxx

SDG31000

fuddle I can completely relate. I wasn't allowed to properly grieve from my Dad so have never dealt with his death properly. After he died I suddenly became a grown up overnight. I remember taking tablets off my Mom so she couldn't overdose. Add in my brother using me as a physical and emotional punch bag for 8 years without my mom stopping it and it's a wonder it took until I had DS1 before I broke down. ((((((((hugs))))))))). Even now I feel sick when visiting them. My sister doesn't get it at all, but she is 9 years younger than me and had a completely different childhood.

As for the rhubarb syrup, boil it down to reduce it, add more sugar if it needs it and then pour it over ice cream, yogurt or make Eton mess with it which is the best thing of all.

jpscloud

fuddle you always sound very grounded and loving in your posts, and I have an extra sense for that, I can always tell! I had a weird childhood too, and am socially awkward, but as was observed a few days ago (I think it was this thread) I've grown into myself and am very comfortable with me and my quirks now. Maybe these things always get better with age.

prepareathome

fuddle wrote: »

SDG my dad died when I was 10 and I have so many issues now because my mum just gave up on us. We did absolutely nothing when we were growing up. I guess money was tight for us but I din't really want anything, just time with my mum. She can't see it even to this day. She feels she did a good job because she kept us safe being in the house all the time... what has happened is, as an adult, I now am very skittish socialy, suffer from anxiety the moment me or mine step out of the house and have moderate depression. Mum says to snap out of it and get a smile on my face - seriously. She also thinks that by going to see a psychologist is an admission I can't cope with my children and risk having them taking off me. Nothing can be further from the truth! I am such a good mum and homemaker. I'm thriving on it just now. It's what I wanted to do even though we struggle financially. What I can't cope with is the scars of my childhood and how they effect me today.

Anyway.. rhubarb I'm stewing some for a crumble tonight. The rhubarb/sugary stock that I'm going to sieve, can I do something with that? Maybe make a jam with some frozen berries I have in the freezer. Might be too tart?

Oh Fuddle, I totally understand how you feel. To my mum depression was an excuse for laziness, she did not believe in it, she didn't have it so it didn't exist. So when I had it then agoraphobia after daughter died and other two were hospitalised for 6 weeks with very bad whooping cough she just told me I should be glad they survived and get on with life. To her dying day she always treated anyone with depression, anxiety or stress as a lazy person who just needed a good talking to. It was actually depression and stress that killed her - she had bad pain in her legs and a brother who was her favourite and adored son was causing her a lot of problems and she just basically turned her face to the wall and died, that was 5 years ago, doctors said she just wanted to stop living so after a life of saying everyone should just carry on no matter what life throws at you, when she eventually was hit by it she could not take it and gave up. She was 81 but doctors said if she wants to live there is no reason why she shouldn't, she didn't die of anything specific, went into hospital for pain management and decided that was it and one by one her organs failed and her body became acidic. A specialist said he has seen this before when people decide they would rather die than live and its their own mind that shuts everything down - took her 10 days to die and was horrible to watch knowing we nor doctors could do anything about it. She has told us throughout our lives she had a bad heart and if we caused her problems it could give her a fatal heart attack yet at the end we found out her heart was very strong and healthy and it was the reason she took so long to die, doctor says usually when someone dies like mum they go in a few days but her heart kept her going past when her body really should have stopped working. That lie about her heart is still something I have not quite come to terms with even now 5 years after her death, one minute I am so angry with her, next sorry she felt she had to do it, but still I miss her so much as I loved her no matter what and that has not got any easier. Her death certificate reads like a medical text book as with no real cause of death, no illness as such they have put all sorts down as they could not put 'didn't want to live any more'

So fuddle you are a fantastic mum and accept that, Its only since mum died 5 years ago that slowly I have mentally got so much better - yes physical symptoms are worsening yet in a way I am much better than I was before she died as not living under her constant complaining about me, I just didn't realise how much it was affecting me. Yes still got depression and it got worse for a time after she died but now they have found my Vit D3 levels were basically non-existent ( only after I read about depression and low D3 and mentioned it to Dr, at first she said couldn't be so I bought the highest levels I could find, but a good make and took them and found myself so much better and told Dr, so she then sent me to have test done and levels so low so she had me on 30,000 a day for a week then 20,000 once a week and now on 20,000 once a month and due another blood test next month.

Its so very, very hard when deep down you feel you are not living up to your parents expectations and I wish I had realised this why she was alive, it hasn't made me love her any less, but in a way I realise I was to bound up in trying to live up to what she wanted me to be and realise now I never could have no matter what I did.

My love and hugs to you, you fantastic person.

xxxxxxx

meme30

Fuddle:- I was a latch-key child from being nine years old. Both parents were out at work from half seven in the morning. I was in charge of both my younger brothers, getting them to school and feeding them their tea. DH has seven sisters and his Mam stayed at home.

We made a conscious decision that I would stay at home when the girls were small and when I did go back to work I was lucky to be able to work only two nights a week. Consequently we never had spare money, but I was always there to take them to school and pick them up again. Not many treats but a two week camping holiday and a couple of weekends away camping each year. Both girls remember we were hard up but remember more, coming home to a warm house and having tea and biscuits on a tray on front of the fire! Both very level headed and neither throw left-overs away! :rotfl: We are very proud of them and I guess it's an affirmation for the 'nurture' way of bringing children up. BTW DD's husband who went to school with the girls always thought they were spoilt! So yes, the sacrifices are worth it.
Blimey! am filling up here writing this. It just goes to show how important our children's well being is to us. I agree with SDG, time and attention are so important, they shape the child and there-fore the adult too.

Tell the school to Get Stu**ed!:mad:

smileyt_2

Hugs to Fuddle, Byatt, SDG and anyone else who is feeling low.

Fuddle, the things I remember most about my childhood are things like making cardboard glittery stars for the Christmas tree, making newspaper forests, going bilberry picking on the moors, building sandcastles on the beach in usually freezing cold British summer weather - all with my parents. ..... it's the time and love that kids need, not oodles of money, so do those free things with your children and enjoy them while they're young.

Feeling a bit low as I've just claimed JSA online. Claiming benefits always makes me feel low - I think I equate it with a lack of independence and self-worth. Oh well, at least we have some benefits to claim and are not as bad as the poor Greek people yet.

Also today whilst walking the dogs I saw a young man with his wrist slashed, and he was covered in blood. His Mum and Dad were trying to get him back into the house and stop him from running off. His Mum was in tears. I didn't know what to do but the Dad saw me (I think all the colour had drained from my face) and said an ambulance was on its way. There was nothing I could do so I walked on, and thankfully both the police and an ambulance arrived a minute later. I was very shaken as I walked round the park and couldn't get the image of his wrist out of my mind. Later I found out that he had had an argument and smashed his arm through a window and that it wasn't a suicide attempt (although it definitely looked like one) so at least that's something. Boy but you see all of life in this area!

Well, it's raining so I have no excuse not to do any housework boo hiss :rotfl: I'd better crack on as the place looks like the council tip at the moment :eek:.

fuddle

You know what strikes me the most? The love on this thread is immense. A caring and sharing that only those who have had it tough can show.

I'm quite teary reading the responses today. It's so good to read what you remember or your children remember of their happy childhood's doing 'stuff' with each other. I'm actually overwhelmed because it's those kinds of responses that I had hoped to read when I posted this morning. Just to make sure that my DH and I weren't effecting the kids' by 'being stingy'. I know how not to bring up healthy well adjusted kids, I just had a wobble as to how to actually bring up well adjusted kids.

I have no biscuits but love the idea of having snacks on a tray when they come in from school. Off to knock up some short bread and have hot choc when we get back. It's a grotty day so feel good indulgence while we cut cardboard boxes and cover with tin foil for Jubilee celebrations at school tomorrow. Happy times. Thank you.