A new 'tougher' thread... and so it continues

moments_of_sanity

kidcat wrote: »

Thanks, sometimes its hard cos so many of her friends parents only exist to fulfill their little darlings every whim, one of her friends (16) has for the last six months been having her boyfriend to sleep over every other night, and then on the alternate she sleeps at his house. Her dad says we arent happy but she insisted:eek:, and we have told her that they are just to sleep in the room nothing else??

With that kind of example we seem positively draconian and its sometimes hard to see if we are doing right or being too harsh. In this case I am sticking to mu guns - she was asked in advance she chose to say nothing although a detailed conversation did happen with his parents, so she doesnt go. Have told her if they want to meet in town at lunch time I am happy to drop her off on my way out but thats as far as I am budging.

have been pricing up these dine in deals and they positively exortionate £20 at M&s for whats basically a posh ready meal :eek: beginning to think it may well be a none starter for that price we could eat out at the local two for one place and still have change!

Thank goodness for this post, I thought it was just my 2 lovely DD's that behaved in such a selfish manner!!!

The eldest is 16 and think she run the house, she wanted to go Ice skating last night, absolutely fine I said. When I asked her how she was getting there she said a friends parents were taking her so could we collect her at 10.15pm. Not a problem, DH started stripping all the tile adhesive off the bathroom walls and I helped DD2 take the colour out of her dyed hair - DD1 comes in 2 mins before she is due to leave she says 'are you ready to take me?'..........she says she told us we were taking her and DH & I both swore blind she didn't say anything - WW3 started and like you I was left feeling really guilty about it!!

Today is relatively calm, we have 4 plumbers in the house replacing the heating system but in normal teenage fashion they are complaining the house it too cold (get more clothes on then) and that it is very inconvenient for the plumbers to get into their rooms this afternoon as they have boyfriends over and don't want people just wandering in randomly.................I said to them if that's going to cause a problem, tell your boyfriends they can't come over!!!

I guess my parenting skills have left me today as I have been left all on my own, both DD's have gone to their rooms - I must have missed the strop they both had as they left the living room!

katieowl_2

moments_of_sanity wrote: »

When I asked her how she was getting there she said a friends parents were taking her so could we collect her at 10.15pm.... DD1 comes in 2 mins before she is due to leave she says 'are you ready to take me?'..........she says she told us we were taking her and DH & I both swore blind she didn't say anything - WW3 started and like you I was left feeling really guilty about it!!

My son has done that to me too....I swear he didn't tell me either!!! Sometimes I think they imagine telling us? and then blame us for getting senile! Grrr.

Hope everyone is doing OK this morning, I'm blooming freezing! Been sitting here sorting out some paperwork, and awaiting a phone call, which hasn't come yet, so now attempting to winkle DS out of bed to do a run to the tip with me...we have some junk in the garden I'd dearly love to get rid of.

I had my 'needy' mate from London on the phone again at the weekend, telling me that she'd been deemed fit for work and all her benefits were being stopped :mad: She's been on the sick since she was booted out of the NHS for being off sick with Depression, oh 18 months ago? She's 'really' not well mentally, and has just had double carpal tunnel surgery? So that's not going to be helping much. They told her to go and sign on! She wanted me to speak to her GP (again) and I told her for the umpteenth time, he won't discuss her with me, although he did listen to me last time she was threatening to self harm, and attempted to get her sectioned. They didn't section her, in the end because 'she knew her rights' according to her, so I was left wondering what the point of the exercise was? This time I've written to him....sigh. I've basically just told him she's not coping, and asked if he can find a local body who will support her appeal process. I told her to go to CAB, as she needs professional support with an appeal but she's not 'hearing' the things I say. Like she doesn't 'hear' me telling her getting online will stop her feeling isolated or stop her having to lug shopping home, or the 1001 other things she could do to help herself

Sorry to offload, but I'm really fed up with it, and although I don't want anything bad to happen to her, and she's very vunerable, I'm seven hours drive away, and really don't think I can 'listen' much more! I'm afraid when a problem is laid at my feet, my immediate and instinctive approach is to find/offer solutions, and when that doesn't happen...aaarrgh! It has been suggested to me that I may have co-dependant tendencies, and I have certainly managed over the years to attract more than my fair share of people who needed rescuing, but coming from a home with a pretty toxic member, I am usually pretty good at avoiding the really clinical ones. When someone calls me up on an until then pleasant Saturday evening, and says as an opening line "I'm having suicidal thoughts again..." it throws me into panic mode, because I 'feel' obliged to do something.

Kate

GFN123

Happy Valentine's Day all.

Byatt - so sorry to hear you feel so low. If you are able to do anything at all ( a walk, see the GP, whatever it takes though I know how impossibly hard even the tiniest thing can be) then please do and look after yourself. We're all rooting for and thinking of you.

Mrs Chip - sorry also that you feel blue and I hope it passes for you.

Afraid I know nothing at all about children/teenagers except for having been one so can't offer any useful input, but can sure appreciate the frustrations listed!

I'm desperately trying to motivate myself to write a report (funny how I ended up here instead... :rotfl:)

On the job front - I didn't get the job but got some very positive feedback and was basically their second choice, missing out by just a few points overall. I'm very pleased with that and although the pay rise would be handy, at least I don't need to worry about managing the long commute involved! So a good result all round really

OH and I don't really celebrate Valentine's Day but he's such a star that I did get him a lovely potted rose and for the first time ever got up before him to make him a coffee to have with the pain au chocolat I'd bought. He was very chuffed bless him so that's a nice good deed for the day anyway.

katieowl I have a friend similar to the one you've described. I can also totally relate to co-dependent issues and attracting a very fair share of peole who seem to need a lot of time/input/rescuing. My closest friend's very sage advice was to stick to and set very clear boundaries. Easier said than done but it does help establish a clearer more even footing. You have my sympathies anyway as I agree you can feel totally obliged when something like that is said. At least you sound like a very caring person so it's not a bad quality, and hopefully you can take time out if you need. I've started with the boundaries and what is acceptable, it's hard at first but seems quick to seep in.

Best attempt some report writing, I hope everyone has a good rest of day

Mrs_Chip

Afternoon All

Thanks for kind thoughts everyone, my woes are nothing compared to some, I feel a bit of a fraud!

Feeling much better today, although I was still awake at 3am shuffing furniture in my head :rotfl:.

Weather nice and benign today, no wind (which is a killer for us, as the garden is so exposed, if it is windy so much harder to do anything) so set about the last few small trees in the garden and cut them down. They were weeds - ash, hazel and sycamore, and removing them has opened up the back corner of the garden so that I can grow stuff up there (more light). All this area is a bonus, it's behind the summerhouse, but higher, and was at one point totally overgrow. Now it's cleared I have a large area I can use for the small shed and compost bin and an extra space for growing. Re-did my hazel trimming fence -all the twiggy bits cut off and stuffed into the wild honeysuckle - and in the process was able to move it back a couple of feet, so thats a bit more garden reclaimed! OH very happy as he has been able to add to his log pile :rotfl:.


We had said that we were not going to make a fuss this Val day, just a card, but OH nipped out and got me a lovely bunch of tulips, my favorite flower. I love growing them in pots, the colours and shapes can be so dramatic, parrots are my favorite of all. I could easily spend a lot of money on tulip bulbs, sadly I have to make do with looking at the pretty pictures in the catalogue . Now I do have a lovely vase-full to look at!

HM chicken and bacon pie tonight, made from whoopsied chicken portions and whoopsied bacon joint. Tomorrow will be beef curry made from whoopsied beef. Last night were burgers in buns - yes you guessed - whoopsied ! I might try to go for a full house and dig out something whoopsed from the freezer for Thursday and Friday!

It does seem that teenagers are a teensy bit more demanding than when I were a lass - I don't recall anyone being at my beck and call, and tantrums resulted in a thick ear. Ooh, I do sound old!

GFN - glad you got good feedback, sorry you did not get the job.

Hope you are feeling better Byatt!

Hugs for those who need them - prob all the mums of lovestruck teeagers!

maryb

katieowl wrote: »

My son has done that to me too....I swear he didn't tell me either!!! Sometimes I think they imagine telling us? and then blame us for getting senile! Grrr.

Oh me too!!! DD2 is ALWAYS doing that to me. And yet I am the one in the family who remembers things (DH says that's why he married me, so romantic!). She doesn't see anything odd that it only seems to be in relation to her that my memory is so unreliable!! Even when DH corroborates it when I say, No that's not what you said, she still won't back down. Grrr

GFN123

Thanks for your thoughts, GQ and Mrs Chip. It definitely was a good experience and one I take a lot from.

Just had the cutest moment. Dolly Cat climbed onto my lap and then onto the table. She sat in front of the laptop and as I was reading & scrolling down she tried with her paw to 'catch' the moving images. I snuck a pic of her looking at it intently.



I do so love cats, makes me want my own again :smileyhea

Rosanna79

Have been lurking for a few days and feel for those dealing with the selfishness of youth. Not able to offer any constructive comments other than to say that if teenagers / young people are brought up to believe they can impose on /leach off other people they will continue to do so unless otherwise made to realise that this is not the case.

Last Sunday week I was leaving my house to attend the 9am service at our local parish church when I was greeted by my neighbour's 2 children clearing my driveway of snow. This was entirely off their own bat and very much appreciated. The girl has juvenile arthritis / eye problems that go with this, often spends time in a wheelchair and her older brother has been brought up to care about other people. They're a couple of smashing young people and it was my pleasure to make an entirely spontanuous bag each of my homemade fudge for them that afternoon.

We are now the official staff of Henry Hoover the cat AKA King Henry IXth!!! We have been to the vet's this afternoon where he was chipped and started his immunisations. He is currently sitting behind me on my offfice chair so I'm perched on the edge whilst he's keeping warm and purring his head off. Must like the warmth of my bum next to him!!

As it's half term from my classes we've been having a turn out of book shelves this morning and so far have taken a massive trolley load to our local hospice shop where apparently they can still get something for books too old / unsuitable to sell as well. This is great news. Walking up there plus an earlier sortee has added up to about 4 1/4 miles walkig today. Much less stressful on the joints than the walk on ice and snow with my Yaktrax at the weekend. Think the park walk was a better workout though!

Nine weeks ago today I sustained a whiplash injury in an unfortunate fall and am amazed at how long it is taking to heal. Knotted trapezious muscles are responding to my GP's accupuncture but near the next appointment the pain even goes up into my scalp. Apparently it's typical but carrying on as normal is proving somewhat of a challenge especially towards the evenings. Can't even sleep that well with the prescription painkillers / muscle relaxants I take.

I play flute for the tenor section of a Quire and last Sunday's rehearsal left me in tears with the pain until I resorted to an earlier dose of my painkiller that I would normally take with good effect.. Being a retired nurse I wouldn't normally do that but the pain was awful.

Has anyone else experienced whiplash pain like that and how long did it take to go?

It's a blooming nuisance but compared with what others are having to live with is really not so bad I guess.

It seems like anything painful around the head and neck is harder to bear than other parts of the body?

Hope all those of you who celebrate Valentine's Day have a lovely time.

OH and I have never bothered with it, -too commercialised for us- but I live every day with being told how much I'm loved and that, for me is better than the big romantic gestures.

silvasava

GQ - did chuckle at your story. My DS1 & his friend hitchhiked to London when they were about 17/18 (unbeknown to us) & rang at about 10pm to say they were at Merton would we pick them up (about 60 miles from us). DH asked how they got there & said they'd better hitch back. They rang again a few hours later & DH picked up the phone again - they were about 10 miles from home so he said' keep coming'!! A cold miserable DS turned up about 2am & never pulled a stunt like that again. Isn't it called 'tough love' now?? He's a smashing chap now he's grown up

Catbells

BigThelma wrote: »

Wow, thanks everyone for all your suggestions and comments re weaning and activities. I have thanked you all I think, too many people to mention by name but I will be trying all the suggestions. In fact, I added some pureed carrot to his spag bol today and guess what - he ate 6 or 7 spoonfuls!! Still had to use distraction techniques but he ate it! He is good with finger food as long as it isn't veg... but he is still gaining weight at the rate he was before so I should probably try to relax a bit - as you say, they pick up on stress.

Gardenia, that must have been such a worry for you with your DD. At least it helped to know it wasn't just you she wouldn't eat for. Hubby finds mealtimes stressful but I think that's because he isn't here as often and so doesn't get the practice.

We try to eat meals together when we can, although during the day it's just me and baby. And yes, it can be quite boring at times! He has a settling in session at the nursery on Thursday - dreading leaving him but also think it will do him and me good to have some time away from each other. I go back to work part time in a couple of months so hoping that will give us a good balance.

One thing I have done is put together a photo album of important people in his life - particularly my parents and brothers family as they live in another part of the country and he won't see them very often. I need some pics of my mum and sister in laws family to go in it. He seems to enjoy looking at it and hoping if he sees their faces every day they will be familiar to him when we visit. And hopefully he will learn their names. At the moment he calls everyone and everything dada!

I think you are doing a great job. I had almost forgotten all about that period of my life until I read your post - thanks. Weaning was hard and I seemed to go on forever - well in one case I fed for 9 months before I ventured into carrots and proper food. How old is he? (sorry I haven[t kept up with the posts). I remember there was something called Bikipegs which were very hard biscuits with a ribbon attached which I think you put round the neck and my son would ..well basically suck them until they were all over his face, bib - everything. He seemed to like them but I bet they are banned now! You try everything.

Was also a long way from my family and thats a great way of keeping your family in his mind. Hope you get a decent nights sleep. We had problems in that department too!

Catbells

Byatt

I'm such a newby nerd I dont know what all the abbreviations mean ie. MIA! I only know things like AWL, RSVP and RIP! - (I will address this one of these days). However I did grasp you were having a rough time at the moment so lots of good thoughts to help you thru this bad patch.