A new 'tougher' thread... and so it continues

lizzyb1812

Byatt - I'd be absolutely useless at trying to advise you re your daughter because of lack of experience. However, I can say that you need to look after yourself first. Get in touch with the groups others have suggested, but also consider asking your GP to refer you for counselling. Before my husband and I split up I had to deal with some awful and stressful things (not violence) and became extremely depressed and virtually unable to function. Antidepressants started me off on the road to recovery but it was talking to an uninvolved stranger that really helped.

It should also help with the SWs - they will not be able to press you as much if you can say you are having counselling and if you can mention it in your complaints letters so much the better. Do have a think about it. I'm on a quarter dose of my tablets now, having worked my way through stuff and I only did 4 sessions with the counsellor, just enough to turn me around and start working on myself.

BigThelma

Not had time to read back properly today but hugs to Byatt.
I don't have any advice but wanted to offer my support.

Not very OS today, took mince out the freezer but ended up ordering pizza but at least we will have enough for tomorrow and I will definately cook tomorrow as I will have more time.

Felt such a fool today, popped into Sanisburys for some bits and bobs after going into town for an appointment. Got to the self service tills, scanned all my stuff, then rummaged in bag for my purse. And rummaged, and rummaged..... slowly it dawned on me, I'd left my purse in the babys change bag. Today I went somewhere official and took a 'proper' bag and forgot to transfer purse into new bag. Doh! Had to cancel it all and apologise to shop assistant. She said it happens all the time but I was so annoyed as I'd wasted a good half hour. At least I saved some money!

prepareathome

Oh Byatt I have nothing I can help with, I wish I did. I have a cousin who will be 55 next month and she is the same as your daughter, although she was only diagnosed last year. I totally do understand how you feel about your daughter and how helpless you are. My cousin has led her 5 older sisters a merry dance ( one lives abroad) over the years, but they accepted she was unable to cope so they must be there but at least there is so many of them. She is very obese as well and cannot understand about dieting, and has so many men friends. You could be writing about her. As yet no SS intervention for her but cousins are becoming older and one now is fighting cancer so they worry hence forcing to get her diagnosed. I will have a word with my cousins and see if they found any way was better than another.

My heart goes out to you, at least my cousins share the care of her, you are on your own ( my aunt died when this cousin was only 19 and her sisters just took over)

Hugs and Love

Byatt

prepareathome wrote: »

Oh Byatt I have nothing I can help with, I wish I did. I have a cousin who will be 55 next month and she is the same as your daughter, although she was only diagnosed last year. I totally do understand how you feel about your daughter and how helpless you are. My cousin has led her 5 older sisters a merry dance ( one lives abroad) over the years, but they accepted she was unable to cope so they must be there but at least there is so many of them. She is very obese as well and cannot understand about dieting, and has so many men friends. You could be writing about her. As yet no SS intervention for her but cousins are becoming older and one now is fighting cancer so they worry hence forcing to get her diagnosed. I will have a word with my cousins and see if they found any way was better than another.

My heart goes out to you, at least my cousins share the care of her, you are on your own ( my aunt died when this cousin was only 19 and her sisters just took over)

Hugs and Love

Thanks PAH :A

I was just thinking of you and wondered if you managed to get to sleep eventually? I had forgotten to renew one of my meds which has a side effect of helping me sleep, so was awake all last night, playing sudoko on my phone! :eek: I was thinking of you then too! Eventually fell into an unrestful sleep about 7.30.

BigThelma, lizzy, seakay, D&DD, thanks for all your useful and thoughtful advice and for sharing your experience. Lizzy I will go to dr's. I kind of put my health on hold. xxxxxx

No snow here, but it's been raining and still very cold.

Byatt

Hobsons_Choice wrote: »

Byatt: I hope everything comes out well in your battle with the Orforities! Everyone has problems from time to time (some more than others) so never be frightened to offload on here. I'm sure no-one (in their right mind) could see it as whining!

My son is a Chief Inspector in the police...and yes, he looks far too young to be in that lofty position, especially to his mum who's under 40 (OK in my mind only).

Two packs of Jaffa Cakes in Cool Traders yesterday for £1
The diet starts next week...or, if it's too cold, the following week/month.

It's impossible to leave a Jaffa Cake in the packet once opened.

Agree with you about the cold and dieting.

Byatt

grandma247 wrote: »

Byatt you should have a chat with mooloo. her latest thread is here and the one before that is here. There are a couple of earlier ones but you will need to search for them or ask her for the link.She has twins with Autism and she too could write a book about the help she and her girls do not get.

D&DD wrote: »

Aw Byatt I truly do understand totally where you are coming from I cannot understand why there is not more supported housing schemes for young adults with Autism.
Although many outwardly are appearing to cope its in no way ideal to not have some sort of warden there to supervise/support as needed.I know my son needs [STRIKE]nagging[/STRIKE] prompting to do just about anything for himself and its all too easy when left to their own devices for them to just 'exist' IYKWIM

At least social services are involved so there may be some help forthcoming..but as you no doubt have found already over the years them saying and then actually DOING something are 2 different things entirely!

Have you contacted NAS to see if there are any supported housing projects closer to you?? I think this would be the way to go,some houseshare with houseparents and others are semi independent (like warden supported self contained).
There is a website called PARIS which *I think* may have lists for these.

My boy is only 13 and I'm already worrying for his future,people don't always 'get' our kids and the level of help they sometimes need as they look so perfect :A

Sending you a huge hug as you are a wonderful Mum and doing the best you can sweetie thats all any of us can do XXX

So sorry, I hadn't read your posts until now.

My DD has pulled the wool over a lot of experts over the years. Not deliberately of course, just she can be so articulate on first meeting and so able. Right from primary school it's been a battle. I was a member of NAS. it may be a good idea to renew and start seeing what is around these days. As the mother I am often seen as being "overprotective" or a "worrier".

Grandma, thanks for the links I'll pop over and see them. :A

smileyt_2

Hello ladies (and any gentlemen who may be lurking). Just popped in to see how you all are this evening.

PAH I hope you got some sleep! I have only had insomnia for a very short period in my life, a few months whilst I was seriously depressed, and it was terrible. I love sleep - for me it is a safety valve - and I would go nuts without a decent night's sleep.

Byatt oh I do feel for you. You are entitled to a social services assessment in your own right if you are providing a substantial amount of care:

http://www.carersuk.org/help-and-advice/practical-help/care-and-support/carers-assessment

I'm not sure what funds are around to actually act on the results of a carers' assessment, but at least it would be official then and they couldn't say they don't know. You could ask the social workers what care they would provide if you got a job.

And I'm horrified at the dishonest, horrible and downright unscrupulous people there are around who will take advantage of someone who is as vulnerable as your daughter :mad: . I'm not surprised you worry. But you are doing the best you can (and it's a very good best). Please do follow through on some of the suggestions made on here, especially about going to see your GP. We need a hug smiley on here (and not the dodgy threesome hug people use either :rotfl:!)


Well, I took Bruno to the vet's to have his stitches out today. Bless him, he was as good as gold, I was sooo proud of him. When we got home we went to bed as I had a cracking headache. If I sleep during the day, the dogs come up with me. I put a sheet on the bed and they snuggle on that and lie close to me. When I got up - I really only dozed - the wound on Bruno's back had popped open :eek: So I phoned the vet and they want to see him first thing tomorrow, at 8.30am. I am now worried that he will have to have another general anaesthetic to be stitched up again.:( The other thing is - should I have to pay for any treatment he gets tomorrow? I really don't know. I very much doubt that he mithered the scar as a) he hasn't bothered with it at all in the past 10 days and b) it's in an awkward place, and if he could reach it, it would only be with a lot of wriggling, and I'm sure I would have felt him wriggling around next to me on the bed. It's not a huge or very deep wound, but the edges certainly don't meet - it's about as wide as a finger - and I don't see how they can hold the edges together without stitches :(.

Thankfully I always have some micropore tape and dressing pads in the house in case of cut paws, so I have covered it with a pad and micropored it to his fur to keep the wound clean.

I now have all sorts of horror stories running through my head about MRSI and wounds that won't heal and the risks of anaesthesia in elderly dogs ......

I think I'm going to watch 4 on Demand and catch up with Superscrimpers. Not that they could teach anyone on this board anything we don't collectively already know ...... :rotfl:

shegar

Well the thread is moving so quick I cant keep up with you all, ive just done a quick skim read as I call it.....Reallycold again tonight they forcast -7 , weve still got last weekends snow laying ...:eek:....I hope your all getting through okay, I know its been what they call a" mild winter" so far, but to me its seems as if its a real lloonngg one , or is it me.?..It seem months and months ago that I was outside enjoying the garden in a tee shirt................Why do winter drag on so long.?....Ive got plenty of birds in the garden because its so cold, lovely to see so much life a bout , plus the birds are costing more to feed than me.:eek:I did make my own bird cakes last week and the birds are really enjoying the contents of the cakes..........

Nice to see the evenings are pulling out quite a bit now,we are on the right side of spring:D, my pond has been frozen for nearly 2 weeks now, its a wildlife pond so I dont have to worry over fish, usually at this time of year the toads,frogs, and newts make their way back to the pond to breed, but I hope they dont arrive just yet as its completely frozen over......................
I hope your all keeping well warm and well fed ...........

Byatt

Smiley, sorry to hear about Bruno's stitches. I think when they get older they don't heal as quickly. I don't know for certain, but I wouldn't think they would give him a general to put more stitches in. I understand though. After my dog's last op she took longer to heal and in fact still has scars. They may charge you a lower amount for the visit as it is an ongoing problem but perhaps ask why it happened and had they taken stitches out too soon? It may be that his skin is thinner as he's older, just as ours is. I am sure I read somewhere that saliva is healing and I know my pooch would lick her wounds but not nibble them. I let her to do that as it seemed to help.

Hi Shegar :wave:

meme30

Byatt :- Just wanted to send you a hug xx:grouphug: