Bit of a sensitive question...

red_devil

babymoo wrote: »

I think if you love this man, your with him for him not for the sex. You married him knowing his health condition and knowing how it would affect him and your relationship. You've presumably spent many years with this man so why now is it beginning to bug you?

I'm always amazed when people whinge on about their sex life and how it bothers them so much! Is there nothing else in your relationship? Has the affection completely gone aswell?

Personally that would be much more of an issue than my DP not being able to do it regularly or in my case it is me with the problem and me and my DP have spoken about it many times, I do everything in my power to get the help I need with it and he is supportive. We communicate about it and this is by far the only way to get around it. It is soul destroying knowing your stopping the person you love from having the sex life they want so without sounding harsh, however bad it is for you I can guarantee the guilt your husband carries with him because of this is far greater. Go easy on him, you will be making it worse for him without even realising it, he needs your support, at the end of the day it is effectively him doing this to you even though he has no control over it. This is exactly how he will feel. Make sex fun without needing full sex and find a way for you both to be satisfied. You will get there but you have to stop focusing on that 1 thing!!

There is so much more to a relationship and a marriage than sex. It has ALWAYS been the least important thing in my opinion to a relationship. I will never understand why it is such a big thing.

excellent post you put it well. the op comes across as if intercourse is the most important thing in the world, how is she going to manage and should she have an affair. Most relationships are not perfect but if you love someone, enjoy being together, generally get along, and are there for each other then you are rich.

victory

red_devil wrote: »

Most relationships are not perfect but if you love someone, enjoy being together, generally get along, and are there for each other then you are rich.

That is beautiful:D

I am not sure though the OP is saying that intercourse is the most important thing in a relationship jut that looking into the future without it is making her question what to do and if it is never going to be there then have an affair?

I can see what is meant just I would hope with GP help, the diabetic forum, there is also a telephone helpline, talking about it and getting it sorted should bring back the intamacy, it is not all doom and gloom, it just needs a bit more work

travelgran

It is a relatively common problem with some men with Type 1 diabetes. Can he view it as a medical problem and speak to his consultant as he would about any other diabetic complication?

newcook

red_devil wrote: »

excellent post you put it well. the op comes across as if intercourse is the most important thing in the world, how is she going to manage and should she have an affair. Most relationships are not perfect but if you love someone, enjoy being together, generally get along, and are there for each other then you are rich.

The OP didnt ask if she should have an affair, she said she can understand why some people in sexless marriages have affairs.


while I dont think sex is the most important thing in a relationship, it plays a massive role - especially when you are still young and active and have an average or high sex drive.
you expect for sex to slow down/become non-existent when you are heading towards or in the ‘golden years’ not when you are in your mid 30’s.

Yes they could do everything but have sex or use toys but while its nice and fun to do occasionally it doesn’t quite replace the real thing!


OP I would suggest going to the GP’s and asking them for advice or stronger viagra

ktb

Not really looking at the sex side specifically but I just googled and found this: "Erectile dysfunction is much higher in patients with type 1 diabetes than in the general population, and it is directly reflective of hyperglycemia and poor blood sugar control"

Does your OH adhere to a strict blood glucose control diet? If not carb/sugar elimination might help a bit? (just using medicine to treat it is a bit like closing a gate once the horse has bolted) I have a good friend with Type 1 whose diet is horrendous (junk food, diet coke etc) and he hasn't had a sex life for over 10 years!

red_devil

newcook wrote: »

The OP didnt ask if she should have an affair, she said she can understand why some people in sexless marriages have affairs.

If they are in a sexless marriage and arent happy they should get out before they have an affair.

while I dont think sex is the most important thing in a relationship, it plays a massive role - especially when you are still young and active and have an average or high sex drive.
you expect for sex to slow down/become non-existent when you are heading towards or in the ‘golden years’ not when you are in your mid 30’s.

you never know whats going to happen though. Just because your mid 30's dosent mean your going to have an active sex life. Life dosent always go to plan.

Yes they could do everything but have sex or use toys but while its nice and fun to do occasionally it doesn’t quite replace the real thing!


OP I would suggest going to the GP’s and asking them for advice or stronger viagra

What if they have the strongest viagra though?

newcook

red_devil wrote: »

What if they have the strongest viagra though?

then advice, referrals, maybe alter the diet like another poster has suggested

j.e.j.

rowan_tree I don't think you're being selfish or unreasonable. It's just that you BOTH need to work towards a compromise. Perhaps hubby feels a failure because of this problem, or it could be that he is being selfish and not considering your needs.

I second the idea of the diabetic forums so that you can talk with people who've faced the same issues that you are having.

fawd1

babymoo wrote: »

I will never understand why it is such a big thing.

Does it have to be me that says that babymoo can't have been doing it right?

It's a massive thing, try and find a solution by having your OH going to the GP, and if not then have an "evening to yourself" and figure out what else might work for you with his participation, if you know what i mean.

adelight

Are you two healthy otherwise? Do you eat healthily and keep active? I'm under the impression, though you will want to investigate for yourself, that is issue could be helped by getting active/fit and it could be a nice thing to do together. Bring it up with your GP when you get viagra advice. I know this sounds bonkers but have you watched the C4 program The Joy Of Teen Sex? It has some tips on getting into toys.

Are you two very open about discussing the problems with your sex life? If not, get open now and talk through everything so you know exactly how each other feels about this whole situation and what you want to do. You can't fix it alone. You need to stop yourself from "crashing down" when he doesn't respond to your advances. Remember, it's not a personal thing against you, nothing is your fault and it's not his fault. I know from personal experience(me and my OH couldn't have sex due to medical reasons, almost couldn't have sex ever again!) how big an impact this can have on your confidence but it's in your head, don't beat yourslef up.
Keep intiating sex but be gentle and don't always expect full sex. I would suggest giving sex toys another go, some can be off putting or daunting but incoporating a small and unthreatening one into an activity can work. It makes the toy less of a big deal and your OH is less likely to feel replaced.
Do you spend a lot of intimate time together? Cuddle up in the nip for a snog and to watch a movie, just being close like that when you are unable to have sex can feel brilliant. Do you still kiss a lot or are you almost living as friends?