Bit of a sensitive question...

magenta22

Seriously if you OH has circulation problems in other areas also then he really needs to go to the diabetic nurse and get it addressed. Diabetes is not to be taken lightly.

That is just one side of a relationship, it's all very nice but it's not the bee and end all, although it is frustrating when you are in the mood and he is not/can't.

Another serious question - do you both want children?

Try watching something that is a bit naughty - not full on but just a little, usually has the desired effect ;-)

Get some nice underwear, tease him a little. Don't let the problem become psychological.

babymoo

fawd1 wrote: »

Does it have to be me that says that babymoo can't have been doing it right?

It's a massive thing, try and find a solution by having your OH going to the GP, and if not then have an "evening to yourself" and figure out what else might work for you with his participation, if you know what i mean.

You mis-read my post. It is me with the problem not my DP. No amount of GP's or consultants can change being born with MRKH unfortunately. I underwent 2 very serious operations and still not everything works as it should. Sometimes you just have to realise that it is the least important thing in a relationship. I know i'm lucky I have a DP who understands that and sticks by me despite it.

I've had more than 1 sexual relationship and have experimented more than you could possibly imagine. To me it just is not a massive thing. Thank goodness we're all different eh!

To say I haven't been doing it right is ridiculous. I've been "doing it" as well as I physically can. I can't do anymore and maybe the OP's husband can't do anymore either. My point was simply to tell the OP that if she loves him she will find a way around it and to give him a break as he will feel a million times worse than she ever could about it.

Gloomendoom

babymoo wrote: »

I think if you love this man, your with him for him not for the sex. You married him knowing his health condition and knowing how it would affect him and your relationship. You've presumably spent many years with this man so why now is it beginning to bug you?

I'm always amazed when people whinge on about their sex life and how it bothers them so much! Is there nothing else in your relationship? Has the affection completely gone aswell?

Personally that would be much more of an issue than my DP not being able to do it regularly or in my case it is me with the problem and me and my DP have spoken about it many times, I do everything in my power to get the help I need with it and he is supportive. We communicate about it and this is by far the only way to get around it. It is soul destroying knowing your stopping the person you love from having the sex life they want so without sounding harsh, however bad it is for you I can guarantee the guilt your husband carries with him because of this is far greater. Go easy on him, you will be making it worse for him without even realising it, he needs your support, at the end of the day it is effectively him doing this to you even though he has no control over it. This is exactly how he will feel. Make sex fun without needing full sex and find a way for you both to be satisfied. You will get there but you have to stop focusing on that 1 thing!!

There is so much more to a relationship and a marriage than sex. It has ALWAYS been the least important thing in my opinion to a relationship. I will never understand why it is such a big thing.

Then perhaps you are not the best person to give advice to the OP.

babymoo

Gloomendoom wrote: »

Then perhaps you are not the best person to give advice to the OP.

Perhaps so, but the OP posted on an open forum and I just gave my opinion. OP doesn't need to take it.

Tish_P

Some people have a higher sex drive than others - for highly sexed people, never being sexually satisfied again would be losing a major part of life's pleasure and meaning. Just because going without isn't a big thing for one person doesn't mean another should just have to lump it. Talk to your husband, OP, and perhaps suggest going to see a sex therapist.

By the way, someone further up the thread asked: why is this only now coming to a head? and I think there was some wise advice in there if you read it very carefully, nudge nudge wink wink, etc.

The_Rizler

Hi Rowan Tree,

This is an important issue and both of you have to talk and communicate about it.
For him, yes there is a physical problem but diabetes is life threatening, sex is a complication and one part of a serious condition.
For you, the lack of the closeness and pleasure with your partner can become an issue.

This could eat away at both of you if he doesn't recognise that there are other things that you get from having sex. Those are the things that will need to be addressed. I'm talking about the closeness you get, those intense feelings you get, the deep love you express to the other person during and after making love. Being able to please and love the person, also that sense of calm you have after making love.
I've said it to others on here, in my relationship I had sex once in the last year of my relationship. He didn't have diabetes or any other health issue and it became something we never talked about or addressed, but for me I wanted to feel close to him and didn't nor ever could.
Please either get him to read your post or something like it because it can be a relationship deal-breaker, I'm not saying that it will nor do I think you shouldn't try. But I know how I felt. If he'd recognised that I wanted that closeness in other ways I'm sure we'd have survived, but he didn't - it was all about him and how he felt.
You can have a great life together but it takes the recognition/honesty from both to determine what the other needs and the willingness for the other to potentially make some amendments/sacrifices.
Life isn't perfect (generally) but happiness can be achieved and sometimes that should be the goal.

Goodluck OP, if you need to PM me that's good. The more varied discussion you get will help, as there is ever rarely just one solution.

Riz