Friendship and secrets

flutterby_lil

Maybe she has had a mc in the past and is too upset to tell anyone for fear of it happening again.

Maybe Jane doesn't want the baby and is pregnant to someone else, not John, she hasn't told you for fear of it getting out.

There are lots of reasons.

I am 22 weeks pregnant and have only just told some friends.

FunnySaving

Her husband is a pillock for shouting his mouth off and in her shoes I would be furious enough about that, without other people feeling they had a 'right' to know somehow because of it. I didn't tell anyone, including parents and best mate, until after our 12 week scan and would have been livid with my OH if he had. It's her news - let her tell you when she's ready and be pleased for her!

LegalBlonde

Having just come out the other side of it (Jane's) and now 13 weeks pregnant, it totally sounds like she was the same as me.

It was too early to tell anyone and despite all the great advice and excuses online, I didn't have the energy to go places with no excuse not to drink also I had really bad morning sickness and couldn't muster up the energy to do anything.

I have never been seriously ill in my life and looking back on it now I feel so much better it was a crazy few months.

Every week that passed without a pre existing social obligation was a relief and a bonus. Talk about wishing your life away! Anything I couldn't get out of, I would totally psych myself up for for days before, and would almost certainly be sick (physically vomiting and feeling crap) for 2 days after. Time went so slowly.

As soon as we could tell everyone we did and all our friends were happy for us and immediately understood why I had been MIA. Anyone I texted I explained I had been ill and that's why I had been AWOL.

I am sure if it had all taken it's natural course and Jane had texted you with the news and an apology for being AWOL, you wouldn't be thinking twice about it,

If you are feeling funny because John told your OH but Jane didn't tell you, believe me, John was the one in the wrong.

When she tells you in her own time I would just suggest meeting up for something non alcohol related and I am sure it will all be fine.

katerinasol

She's just announced it and she did say that was why she hadn't been out, so no big mystery there it's all good and once again thanks for all your responses and a big fat CONGRATULATIONS to those who are preggers and keeping it a secret

justmel

I wouldn't feel hurt by it,John wasn't supposed to tell anyone after all but he got drunk and blabbed to your husband and it sounds like Jane had wanted to keep it under wraps from everyone for now,she didn't single you out as the one person not to tell or anything.

When she does tell you she will most likely say something along the lines of 'we just wanted to keep it to ourselves until we felt it was going to be ok'.

With my second pregnancy i told everyone and then two weeks later i had a miscarriage,i also live in a small town where news travels fast so not only did i have to explain the loss to those i had told i had so many people coming up to me saying 'I heard you were expecting,congratulations' and it was so hard having explain the loss to people i didn't even know that well so with my next pregnancy i vowed that only my husband and a handful of very close family members would know until my first scan which back then was at 16 weeks.

Plan did not go too well because i started to show before that and later found out that it was because i was having twins so people saw it but i definitely would have kept it secret otherwise and i didn't tell people unless they guessed,early pregnancy can be really scary x

Edit:Just seen your last post,that is great and a very exciting time

LegalBlonde

Oh that is great Katerina now you can get on with being a supportive friend and share in the excitement with her Is she far along? And thanks for the congrats. Just lately, it has all started feeling real

victory

katerinasol wrote: »

She's just announced it and she did say that was why she hadn't been out, so no big mystery there it's all good and once again thanks for all your responses and a big fat CONGRATULATIONS to those who are preggers and keeping it a secret

How did she tell you?

brians_daughter

OP if it makes you feel any better i didnt tell anyone apart from my (then) OH until i was 21 weeks pregnant !!

make_me_wise

katerinasol wrote: »

A while ago, my husband and I became good friends with another couple, let's say John and Jane. He hung out with John and I hung out with Jane and we all got on really well, round each other's house for dinner, that sort of thing.

Then recently I noticed that Jane began acting a bit distant. I attempted to make contact with her, invited her out for a drink etc but she didn't seem too keen. I thought, fair enough, especially as she seemed to be spending a lot of time with another one of her mates.

Then I went out for dinner and drinks with my husband and when he was sufficiently drunk, he blurted out that John told him that Jane was pregnant.

She may well be feeling exhausted and not up to going out to much. She may also be feeling ill with morning sickness. Depending on where you use to go out to she may feel that by not drinking or eating in her normal way it could make a pregnancy obvious.

For all we know she may have had problems in a pregnancy and not want anyone but those closest to her to know she is pregnant till she feels ready to share it.

I dont think you need to feel hurt or put out. Just wait and see if she gets in touch in her time is my advice.