Friendship and secrets

clw1

When I was pregnant I didn't tell anyone except my OH until after the 12 week scan so I wouldn't be offended about that.

As for the being distant - maybe she has morning sickness and is feeling rough and hence acting a little different or maybe she is avoiding social situations where it will be obvious that she isn't drinking.

Why don't you invite her to something like the cinema where there is no alcohol involved and she may accept.

katerinasol

Caroline73 wrote: »

I'm sorry but I cannot understand your problem at all.

If Jane had told your husband then I would understand but John told your husband.

Sorry, might have been a bit unclear. She told him not to tell anyone but apparently he's been running around telling everyone anyway. So I guess in a way I'm a little disappointed that I wasn't included in on the big secret it's not a huge deal, just thought I would gauge whether it's normal to feel like that in this situation.

Lotus-eater

It just sounds like she doesn't want to be that close a friend any more with you. You're just going to have to accept it.

Nicki

Your OP said that John told your husband, who is a very close friend of John, and told him not to tell anyone else. Which doesn't sound at all like John is running around telling everyone except you.

I had a miscarriage at the beginning of September, and had told no one except my husband and my very close friend of 15 years I was pregnant. It was far easier that way. I've since told a couple of other friends what happened but at least I didn't announce my news to everyone early, then have to go round telling them all I had lost the baby. 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage so a lot of women are aware of this and keep the news top secret until they have had a scan at 12 weeks, when the risk drops to around 2 or 3%. It's not a personal slight in any way and can only affect the friendship if you let it. To be honest I am a bit sorry for Jane though that her husband hasn't respected her wish to keep it between themselves until she is ready to go public.

balletshoes

Lotus-eater wrote: »

It just sounds like she doesn't want to be that close a friend any more with you. You're just going to have to accept it.

I really don't agree - Jane could be feeling out of sorts, she might not want to have to come up with an excuse why she's not drinking alcohol until she's ready to tell friends and family that she's pregnant. I didn't tell my best friends I was pregnant until I was 2 months pregnant - they were then, and still are, my best friends and we are still as close as ever.

euronorris

katerinasol wrote: »

Sorry, might have been a bit unclear. She told him not to tell anyone but apparently he's been running around telling everyone anyway. So I guess in a way I'm a little disappointed that I wasn't included in on the big secret it's not a huge deal, just thought I would gauge whether it's normal to feel like that in this situation.

Your OP didn't suggest that, but assuming he has been running around telling people, he may have been smart enough to not tell a close friend of his wife's as he would be more likely to get caught out.

katerinasol

He did mention that John has been running around telling people. Anyway, I haven't been losing any sleep over it, like I said it's just a niggle. Those who said she could have a number of reasons for not wanting to tell people are right, I understand that and I also understand not wanting to tell anyone too early. Thanks for all your replies everyone, I feel a little bit better now and realise I'm just being silly

colli

I could well be Jane in this situation. I've recently found out I'm pregnant and haven't told a soul, I'm avoiding friends as I don't want to make excuses about why I'm not drinking and am paranoid people will guess. I lost a baby earlier this year and am naturally worried this time around. Please don't take it personally, I'd love to shout our news from the rooftops and am looking forward to telling my nearest and dearest but I don't feel ready yet.:o

ETA she may well not be hanging round with other friends either. I often use the excuse of being busy with a different friend to get me out of things when in reality I'm at home not drinking!

VfM4meplse

colli wrote: »

I've recently found out I'm pregnant and haven't told a soul

:shhh:

Congratulations! :T:T:T

pinkclouds

Agree that there is nothing suss. The wife of one of my BILs didn't want to tell anyone in the early days but BIL went and blabbed anyway, which upset her. Clearly John is rubbish at keeping a secret and didn't place a high enough regard on his wife's wishes. Feel sorry for Jane but don't feel upset for yourself.