Friendship and secrets

katerinasol

A while ago, my husband and I became good friends with another couple, let's say John and Jane. He hung out with John and I hung out with Jane and we all got on really well, round each other's house for dinner, that sort of thing.

Then recently I noticed that Jane began acting a bit distant. I attempted to make contact with her, invited her out for a drink etc but she didn't seem too keen. I thought, fair enough, especially as she seemed to be spending a lot of time with another one of her mates.

Then I went out for dinner and drinks with my husband and when he was sufficiently drunk, he blurted out that John told him that Jane was pregnant. She told him not to tell anyone but he is known as a bit of a blabbermouth.
I'm not going to bring it up with her as an issue when she does decide to tell everyone because it's obviously her body and her big news and she can tell or not tell whoever she wants whenever she feels like it, but do I have any reason to feel a bit hurt by it? We were all really good mates and nothing happened that could have affected that friendship, yet for some reason I feel left out. It sounds a bit stupid but it's a little niggle at the back of my mind that I can't seem to shake off.

balletshoes

there could by any number of reasons why Jane hasn't told you - I really wouldn't feel disappointed that she hasn't told you yet. When I was pregnant, I told my OH as soon as I found out, and said I wouldn't be telling my family/friends for at least a couple of months. Didn't stop him telling everyone he knew, out of excitement I think, within 48 hours of me telling him :rotfl: !

NAR

First of all John should not have said anything. It is quite usual to keep pregnancy "under wraps" for the first 2/3 months in case of miscarriage etc. So don't feel left out, I'm sure many of her family don't know yet.

Caroline73_2

I'm sorry but I cannot understand your problem at all.

If Jane had told your husband then I would understand but John told your husband.

katerinasol

balletshoes wrote: »

there could by any number of reasons why Jane hasn't told you - I really wouldn't feel disappointed that she hasn't told you yet. When I was pregnant, I told my OH as soon as I found out, and said I wouldn't be telling my family/friends for at least a couple of months. Didn't stop him telling everyone he knew, out of excitement I think, within 48 hours of me telling him :rotfl: !

Thank you, I do understand why she wouldn't want to tell people straight away, so if I'm being silly, I just need to hear it (in a nice way!) I guess.

cte1111

I think I would probably feel a bit hurt like you have. However she's perhaps just coming to terms with it herself ATM so wants some more time before she talks to everyone else about it. Which is very understandable, as is your slight feeling of hurt that you weren't the first to know.

Look at it this way - it's not Jane's fault her husband is a chatterbox who can't keep a secret!

onlyroz

Most people don't like to announce a pregnancy until after the 12-week scan, so It's perfectly understandable why Jane would want to keep it under wraps.

peachyprice

I think you're being a bit over-sensitive, it's not like she's told everyone else but you.

She could have any number of reasons for not telling anyone yet. She may not actually want the baby, she may have a family history of birth defects, she may have a history of miscarriage or she may feel supersitious about telling anyone before she feels she's 'safe', it's about her, not you.

I didn't tell a soul the last time I was pregnant until I'd had my first scan, not even my mum. Having had twins previously I knew once I told anyone the first thing they would say was 'Oh what if it's twins again' so I didn't say anything until I knew for sure it was only one.

VfM4meplse

I think you're being oversensitive. This is actually nothing to do with you, wish Jane well when she does wish to divulge.

victory

onlyroz wrote: »

Most people don't like to announce a pregnancy until after the 12-week scan, so It's perfectly understandable why Jane would want to keep it under wraps.

That is exactly what I was going to say, many don't 'announce it' until they get over those weeks and to be honest if she wants to tell you she will, it is her pregnancy, her baby, her news:D

euronorris

Caroline73 wrote: »

If Jane had told your husband then I would understand but John told your husband.

This.

John had his reasons for wanting to share, and Jane has her reasons for wanting to keep it quiet. Maybe she's just better at keeping it to herself, than her husband is. I don't think it's a slight against you in any way. For all you know, as far as she is concerned, her husband is the only person who knows.