A few months and several questions

RosaBernicia

Someone (Z :A) has quietly pointed out that my mood has taken rather a dip since Christmas.

And I've just lost the related rant I had copied to paste here so you'll be spared the full version :rotfl:


There's several things that have kind of happened together and Christmas is kind of a minor player. I'm a bit peeved that my parents appear to be sulking at my refusal to go to them, but I told them in about ruddy August and they were invited here so frankly it's tough. I suspect it's all got more to do with embarrassment about my absence being known to other relatives than anything to do with actually seeing me, especially as I did visit two weeks before. It's been far better for my mental health having time alone to sleep and ponder and do not very much - I am still not really recovered from the Summer Burnout and motorway madness and family dramas would really not have helped.

I also got the news about having to move house just before Christmas and it's upset me even more than I expected. I hate househunting, I will miss the garden here terribly and it's rather brought me up short with the realisation that I will never be able to afford the lifestyle I really want around here - well at least not single-handed. I'm viewing a good possible flat soon and this could work out very well - it's near friends and will make it much easier to socialise. So fingers crossed there.

I also got the news today that I haven't even got an interview for a job I applied for recently - and have been cross/ relieved/ disappointed in various combinations all day. Cross because I do meet all the criteria and I think I should have been interviewed, relieved because I don't want to move twice next year, and disappointed because I don't know quite where this leaves my career plans (apart from stalled for a year). Yes, I know I said my career shouldn't be my priority at this point but I'm clearly having trouble adjusting. I am used to being able to somehow make things happen, and it is making me feel very very old and useless that there are now some things which may not happen. (I wrote that meaning that some career options will probably close, but it applies equally to my mother's comments on 'you don't still want your [kids stuff] in the loft, do you?') And that the things I now want most I can't 'make' happen. (Yes, this is a debatable point but - shhhh - I am a romantic at heart )

I've spent most of today on rollercoaster swings between 'my life is over, I should just get cats and manage the next 40 miserable years as best I can' and 'get a grip woman you're only 35'. :rotfl:

My name is Rosa and I am a control freak. It [STRIKE]might[/STRIKE] will be absolutely what I need to have a peaceful year and time to really focus on relationships, and take the pressure off myself in other directions. But despite what somebody on Nora's thread (sorry can't remember who straightaway) said, that isn't so easy to do. I am going to need to remember about OPTIMISM to remind myself not to distract myself with short-term goals. And I am probably going to need a regular boot up the backside/ shoulder to snivel on/ gentle but insistent push in the direction of scary things.

My RL friends will probably get plenty of this but you'll be hearing about it here too

Rosa xx

RosaBernicia

ZTD wrote: »

How can you have a bar of oils? Given that they're liquid.

I take it that it's not a bar kind of bar then?

I give up trying to explain - it's one of these

ZTD wrote: »

Don't be looking at photos of members, you'll get a reputation...

:rotfl:

ZTD wrote: »

What are you looking for in the profiles then?

I think this is part of my difficulties with dating sites - I don't know. I don't have a shortlist of qualities etc, because different people are interesting in different ways. And I don't want someone who agrees with me on everything - that'd be dull. So I leave the criteria very open... and then complain when they match me with people who I really don't think even met my few restrictions (see earlier rant somewhere about why are they matching me with religious teachers who can't spell). :rotfl:

Lula-Hula

Oh Rosa my lovely lovely, so sorry that you're having a mood dip :grouphug:

Families are just very tiresome at times & parents seem to think that they can speak to us exactly as they please without it causing any offence or upset. I'm very much all done with mine at the moment & am going to spend 2012 concentrating on things that fill me with joy & laughter.

I understand precisely what you said about dating sites, how is it possible to list a set of qualities you require in a person, when deep down you know that, if you meet someone with whom you just 'click' then you wont give a damn about the list.

Likewise, they can possess every single attribute you requested, but you'll have absolutely no chemistry at all when you meet. I too remain a romantic at heart & although I 'know' that I may well spend the rest of my days alone ... cue violins ... I still hope to meet that certain someone who is just perfect for me & more importantly, feels the same way .

Too many Baileys have passed now for me to make much more sense, but I wish you much peace & happiness for 2012.

xx

Knitting_Nora

*wanders in covered in dog slobber and donkey snot from an afternoon at the animal sanctuary*

Cats are ok...get short haired ones though....

*wanders out hacking up a furball*

ZTD

RosaBernicia wrote: »

Someone (Z :A)

Grass...

RosaBernicia wrote: »

has quietly pointed out that my mood has taken rather a dip since Christmas.

And I've just lost the related rant I had copied to paste here so you'll be spared the full version :rotfl:

Yeah, yeah...short changed...

RosaBernicia wrote: »

There's several things that have kind of happened together and Christmas is kind of a minor player. I'm a bit peeved that my parents appear to be sulking at my refusal to go to them, but I told them in about ruddy August and they were invited here so frankly it's tough. I suspect it's all got more to do with embarrassment about my absence being known to other relatives than anything to do with actually seeing me, especially as I did visit two weeks before.

Or they're emitting sulk waves in order to elicit an unpleasant emotional reaction from you. To try and make you more likely to do as you're told in future...

RosaBernicia wrote: »

It's been far better for my mental health having time alone to sleep and ponder and do not very much - I am still not really recovered from the Summer Burnout and motorway madness and family dramas would really not have helped.

Especially Christmas motorways. :eek:

RosaBernicia wrote: »

I also got the news about having to move house just before Christmas and it's upset me even more than I expected. I hate househunting, I will miss the garden here terribly and it's rather brought me up short with the realisation that I will never be able to afford the lifestyle I really want around here - well at least not single-handed.

As I said to Lula (IIRC) who expressed similar doubts: "You will, but there will be carnage first."

RosaBernicia wrote: »

I also got the news today that I haven't even got an interview for a job I applied for recently - and have been cross/ relieved/ disappointed in various combinations all day. Cross because I do meet all the criteria and I think I should have been interviewed,

Phone them up and try to get feedback on your application. They may come out with something real, or they may come out with bollox - but you have to ask to find out.

RosaBernicia wrote: »

I am used to being able to somehow make things happen, and it is making me feel very very old and useless that there are now some things which may not happen.

Some things may not happen. Or they may. That's the problem with the future - it's not very predicatable, and not massively controlable. It just does things to you good and hard.

RosaBernicia wrote: »

(I wrote that meaning that some career options will probably close, but it applies equally to my mother's comments on 'you don't still want your [kids stuff] in the loft, do you?') And that the things I now want most I can't 'make' happen.

Are those the things that flee as you chase?

RosaBernicia wrote: »

(Yes, this is a debatable point but - shhhh - I am a romantic at heart )

Then open your eyes and your ears and listen to the birdsong.

RosaBernicia wrote: »

I've spent most of today on rollercoaster swings between 'my life is over, I should just get cats and manage the next 40 miserable years as best I can' and 'get a grip woman you're only 35'. :rotfl:

:rotfl:

Forty years will only make you last until you're 75. Go for the burn. Go for 76...

RosaBernicia wrote: »

My name is Rosa and I am a control freak.

Hmm, wonder where you inherited that from?

RosaBernicia wrote: »

It [STRIKE]might[/STRIKE] will be absolutely what I need to have a peaceful year and time to really focus on relationships, and take the pressure off myself in other directions. But despite what somebody on Nora's thread (sorry can't remember who straightaway) said, that isn't so easy to do. I am going to need to remember about OPTIMISM to remind myself not to distract myself with short-term goals.

Yes indeedy...

RosaBernicia wrote: »

And I am probably going to need a regular boot up the backside/ shoulder to snivel on/ gentle but insistent push in the direction of scary things.

My RL friends will probably get plenty of this but you'll be hearing about it here too

And why not?

RosaBernicia wrote: »

I give up trying to explain - it's one of these

OK...so it's neither oil, nor a bar...

RosaBernicia wrote: »

I think this is part of my difficulties with dating sites - I don't know. I don't have a shortlist of qualities etc, because different people are interesting in different ways. And I don't want someone who agrees with me on everything - that'd be dull. So I leave the criteria very open... and then complain when they match me with people who I really don't think even met my few restrictions (see earlier rant somewhere about why are they matching me with religious teachers who can't spell). :rotfl:

So why don't you compile a list of attributes in people you are interested in (a combination), and you can change it once you've exhausted the current stock of atheist non-teachers who can spell.

Alternatively - make the first move. Talk to people. Scare them (and yourself) by not sending mixed messages.

You can't force things to burn, but flicking a lighter under stuff doesn't hurt...

ZTD

Knitting_Nora wrote: »

Cats are ok...get short haired ones though....

*wanders out hacking up a furball*

Or you could have just skinned it before you ate it...

Knitting_Nora

ZTD wrote: »

You can't force things to burn, but flicking a lighter under stuff doesn't hurt...

Shocking advice - don't, whatever you do, try flicking a lighter under anything which is attached to your person by nerve endings as, despite what Z says, this WILL hurt...and there may be singed- Rosa smell....

Similarly, don't use it as a compatibility test on men from the dating sites - it may hurt your chances....:D

ZTD

Lula-Hula wrote: »

I understand precisely what you said about dating sites, how is it possible to list a set of qualities you require in a person, when deep down you know that, if you meet someone with whom you just 'click' then you wont give a damn about the list.

Likewise, they can possess every single attribute you requested, but you'll have absolutely no chemistry at all when you meet.

Dating sites are where the spawn (sometimes of Satan) are. You have to kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince.

Lula-Hula wrote: »

I too remain a romantic at heart & although I 'know' that I may well spend the rest of my days alone ... cue violins ... I still hope to meet that certain someone who is just perfect for me & more importantly, feels the same way .

Too many Baileys have passed now for me to make much more sense, but I wish you much peace & happiness for 2012.

In vino veritas.

I'm not 100% sure what the Latin for Baileys is...

ZTD

Knitting_Nora wrote: »

Similarly, don't use it as a compatibility test on men from the dating sites - it may hurt your chances....:D

If they're too wet to catch, you probably don't want them...

RosaBernicia

Happy New Year everybody :beer::j

Mine is off to a nice chilled start after finding the Wizard of Oz on tv... and the sequel... so am still in my jammies and haven't moved far from the sofa for about 4 hours

More movies this year, I think. Had forgotten how good they are for just suspending reality for a bit. Can't wait for the Muppets one :j

Will be doing a bit of musing over the next week or so but intending to make it very low key. I gave up writing resolutions a few years ago because it actually wasn't helping me - I am the kind of person who will somehow tick off most of the list even when I didn't really want to do those things any more, not the kind of person who gets to October and hasn't done any of them. So this year will just be thinking which direction to be heading in, not specifics.

Am feeling much better over the last few days, thank you for cheering me up and I promise not to do anything silly with cigarette lighters and frogs

Rosa xx