18 year old wont pay keep, spending his money on tattoos !!

lauraann_3

hi there
don't know if I am in the right forum, my 18 year old wants to do a 3rd year at vollege next year, we will stop getting child benefit and child tax credits for him when he turns 19, he said he will get a grant for just over £1000 next year. I have asked if this is to live on and he said no it is to help with college and that he NEEDS an apple mac because everyone has one :huh: but he now tells me that as he lives at home then me and his stepdad have to support him and that he has decided to spend his grant on a full sleeve tattoo
He works part time and brings home £40 a week which he will continue to do. What do other parents do, we had big argument as I said that he he is not spending the money on a tattoo and that he should help with his keep and he says I am being tight !! We have a low income and struggle and there is no way we can afford to support him when he turns 19 next year, I want to encourage him to stay on education but don't know what to do, my husband says my son should pay for his keep from his grant/wages at about £30 a week but my son threw a paddy about it. What should I do and am I mean saying he needs to give us something for his keep as the money he says he is getting for his course is obviously not going on things it is meant for.

tom9980

it would be better in the MoneySaving in Marriages, Relationships & Families board.

However your son is taking the Pi55! dont let him and back your husband if he doesnt comply then its time to leave, no ifs ands or buts. £30 per week is much better than £150+ per week in the real world. Dont shield him from the reality.

HappyMJ

I'd show him the door but that's me.....I'd maybe start at £10 a week for 3 months increasing by £10 a week every 3 months until he leaves home or gets to about £60 a week.

parsnips

Tell him to grow up, he is an adult now, and if he wants to stay under your roof he can put his hand in his pocket and help with his keep,

Yes its all good him staying on in education, but tell him to face the real world and does he expect you to provide his food, do his washing etc etc etc forever........... no !!!

Gothicfairy

Stop shopping for him , cooking for him, doing his laundry and anything else you do for him and if he complains give him a bill for your services.

If you are not going to kick him out then don't threaten that as it is just a waste of time and an argument you are never going to win because as long as he knows you will not throw him out he doesn't have to pay anything as there is nothing you will do.

Let him have his room but nothing else and he will soon get board of eating out and using the laundrette and will see that keeping him is not free and that he needs to be part of the whole family and pay his way.
As for his tattoo..let him have it, and once he has spent all his money he will not be able to go out with his mates, no trips to the pubs etc and that will then no doubt get old for him pretty soon as well.

lauraann_3

lauraann wrote: »

hi there
don't know if I am in the right forum, my 18 year old wants to do a 3rd year at vollege next year, we will stop getting child benefit and child tax credits for him when he turns 19, he said he will get a grant for just over £1000 next year. I have asked if this is to live on and he said no it is to help with college and that he NEEDS an apple mac because everyone has one :huh: but he now tells me that as he lives at home then me and his stepdad have to support him and that he has decided to spend his grant on a full sleeve tattoo
He works part time and brings home £40 a week which he will continue to do. What do other parents do, we had big argument as I said that he he is not spending the money on a tattoo and that he should help with his keep and he says I am being tight !! We have a low income and struggle and there is no way we can afford to support him when he turns 19 next year, I want to encourage him to stay on education but don't know what to do, my husband says my son should pay for his keep from his grant/wages at about £30 a week but my son threw a paddy about it. What should I do and am I mean saying he needs to give us something for his keep as the money he says he is getting for his course is obviously not going on things it is meant for.

thanks I know you are all right and I'm not a soft touch but he has made me feel like I'm a bad parent, he even said it to my face, but he says the money he gets for his course is not to pay to live on but to buy books etc that he may need, but he intends to use the lump sum to pay for his enjoyment !! I just want others advice so I can show him I am not being mean

Gothicfairy

Oh and don't nag or anything like that......just act like the landlady he clearly thinks you are and supply nothing without a cash payment..think long term B&B
Smile sweetly and dish up dinner for you and hubby and leave his plate empty..I am sure that will annoy him more then yelling and screaming

Tammera

My sister is at college, she is 30 and on her third course foundation course (she didnt like the others) because of that she does not get any government help with course fee's materials or anything (can i ask how your son is getting £1000 help, ive never heard of that, or is that replacing EMA?) in any case, she works part time, aswell as college and she pays for everything (course fee's, course materials, travel, aswell as her personal stuff) and gives my mum £25 keep per week, which my asked her for when all her credits and stuff stopped at 19.

EKAndrew

this is where mums and dads differ, mums like to protect their "angels" but he NEEDS to be told "Cough up or you are out!!" - how many live in your home? for arguments sake it, we'll say its 4 - so tell him, you want a quarter of every bill (excluding the rent/mortgage)

give him examples..........
he watches tv? - theres electricity and whatever subscribtion you may have
he needs his clothes washed? - theres more electricity and water charges
he needs the light on - theres more electricity (and if the bulb blows, he can buy a new one himself)
does he have an xbox/PS3 and play online?and browsing the web? theres the internet charge
he likes his room warm & cosy? theres the gas bill

after showing him all this, back down and say you want 20-25% of what he earns - that is better than a quarter of all bills, so its up to him which one he would rather pay!!
and if that still doesnt work - tell him the real world is out there if he would prefer that!

Sometimes, you have to be cruel to be kind. If you have always given him everything and he hasnt had to work for anything - then there is no surprise he is acting like this.

Good luck!!!!!

lauraann_3

yes I think it replaces ema, he gets £10 a week at the moment and works approx 6 hours a week, but as I get child tax credits and child benefit for him at the moment then I dont expect him to give me anything, but after his 19th birthday it changes, and he said he gets the £1000 from the college as a student grant/maintenence allowance for the term starting Sept 2012

thorsoak

Sorry - but this mum says that it is time he grew up! If he has funding, then that funding is to fund him - not for him to spend on tattoos and the like!

Stop buying all the niceties for him, stop doing his laundry, making his meals, cleaning his room ...its time he did something himself.

You aren't doing him any favours at all at the moment - although he thinks differently.