18 year old wont pay keep, spending his money on tattoos !!

Fiver29

lauraann wrote: »

i dont know anybody with one !

Ignore Big Nose, he's just on a wind up.

I agree with the majority here, you need to be cruel to be kind. Cut his freebies dead, that includes all the jobs around the house that you do for him. In the long run he'll be a better person for it, no matter how much he moans and groans now.

Mrssmith

Not much more to add but really he is taking the pee, when I left school I went on a yts and gave my perants £7 a week, I then joined the army and still sent them home money even though I didnt live there anymore.

If you dont make this stand with your son ie pay for his keep or withdrawn his food, washing etc etc then it will be all down hill from there, I think by making him pay his way is making you a great parent and only a child would think otherwise, be strong and stick to your guns, its for his own good and hopefully he will thank you in later life!

MrsS

jojo_2012_2

The grant should be for travelling to college, books, a laptop if he needs one. Not tattoos. But I don't think this is something you can control or that any 19 year old is going to let you control so it's not worth the fight. If he runs out of money for college stuff during the year including travel I'd say tough titties on your bike (literally).

I'd say it was fair to take at least £20 of his £40 wages if you ask me, the rest is his socialising money. It will prepare him for the shock he's gonna get when he gets a job and you start charging the real cost of living.

I think you need to sit down, maybe write him a letter outlining all of this.

richard9991

surley this money will be paid weekly/fortnightly so if he thinks he is going to get a lump sum of over a £1000 i think he is going to be very dissapointed

ROY47

lauraann wrote: »

He did say about paying a bill each month until I told him how much they were !!! my son has xbox, playstation, stereo, ipod, tv etc in his room, and most left on when he goes out !!

Take them out ,hide them somewhere and if he has the tattoo done

SELL THEM

When he asks why , tell him it 3was to pay the electricity bill or similar !!

then kick the selfish little boy out !!

Lady_strange

As others have said, stop doing his laundry/cooking etc.

Let him get his tattoo, after all it is his money... only reason I say this, is when it comes to wanting to go out, or buy stuff he needs for college, or for field trips, he won't have the money, and you won't give it to him. It will be one of the best lessons he will learn in life, only way to get some kids to learn is to be really harsh. My parents did this with my younger sister, and with in a year, she is money savey. Still has loads of her student loan left (she gets 3 lump sums a year, one for each term)

t0rt0ise

ROY47 wrote: »

Take them out ,hide them somewhere and if he has the tattoo done

SELL THEM

When he asks why , tell him it 3was to pay the electricity bill or similar !!

then kick the selfish little boy out !!

Selling his stuff won't work. It will just make him hate his parents and feel hard done by. He won't learn anything from it. He has to be taught that he has to pay his way and told that when his parents aren't getting anything for him as in CB or so on, he has to give some of his income to pay for food and bills.

bestpud

Your income cannot be too low if he only receives £10 a week EMA...

That said, I kind of agree with what you are saying.

What do you actually provide for him?

I ask as my dd bought all her own clothes and paid for her mobile phone (although I have never funded any of my childrens' mobile phones - never understood why parents do tbh) and non-standard toiletries out of her EMA.

If he does the same, then maybe it's a bit harsh to take such a big percentage of his wage?

If you are providing everything, then time to stop, as that may well save you a fair chunk anyway.

I would expect him to be turning electrical equipment off though - that's just lazy!

ceridwen

So - his "income" will be £60 per week in total and your hubby wants him to pay £30 for his "keep".

As £40 of that "income" is from a job done on top of going to College - then he could well decide to "lose the job" (ie set them up to sack him) and then he would only have an "income" of £20 per week. There is obviously no way anyone could possibly pay anything at all towards their "keep" from £20 per week.

I dislike tattoos personally - but one can't stop an adult from having one - so it's not worth trying to do that. Just point out that tattos are painful to have done/sign of a chav/it will still be there when he's old and will look a bit silly by then/many employers will be put-off giving him a job by it and it won't necessarily be possible to wear long-sleeved clothes to cover it up when it isnt wanted "on show".

My own question to him on the tattoo would focus around "How many guys who have 'made it' have ANY tattoos at all? I've never seen one......"

My personal view is that no-one in school/college should be expected to pay anything at all towards their "keep". I guess I might be talking as someone from a different background and/or generation there though - as its something I've never heard of anyone doing in that position and maybe things are that tight that there is no option but to ask him for a bit of money towards this. But be prepared for him "losing the job" if he doesnt see any benefit from doing it (ie no extra money from him). Also - is it possible to check out what the norm is amongst his mates at College to see whether any of them pay any money towards their keep at all? He will certainly know what the norm is amongst his mates and be conforming to that - so it may well be that you are the only parents he knows of to be asking for "keep money".

Just saying....so that its possible to see where he's coming from as to why he's refusing. I can see both your points of view there - but am aware that I would never have contemplated paying towards my "keep" until I had left school/college and got a job. So I paid nothing towards my keep (nor knew of anyone else doing so) until I started my first job (ie proper/full-time/adult job - as I'd had part-time schoolkid jobs prior to leaving school). At that point (ie the proper full-time adult job) my mother asked me for money for "keep" (bearing in mind I was born in the 1950s - ie no contraceptive Pill yet on the one hand BUT my parents' generation didnt ever experience unemployment/paycuts/etc on the other hand that we've had over the last decade or so).

So - my own take in that position would be:
- he'll do a fair share of housework (as he's an adult now)
- I wouldnt be asking for "keep" money until he got a job (ie adult job after leaving education).

So - I would be telling my husband to forget about the idea of him paying "keep" money until he leaves full-time education and any whinges from O.H. would be met by "We chose to have him (ie he was born after the Pill became available) and its therefore up to us to make sure he gets properly educated. We'll ask him for keep money once he leaves education - and not till then". Any O.H. I had would basically get the message from me "Shut up - he was wanted/he was planned and its up to us to do right by him and make sure he completes his education without distraction. You're only young once."

Just my two pennorth..

Lady_strange

"My own question to him on the tattoo would focus around "How many guys who have 'made it' have ANY tattoos at all? I've never seen one......"

To answer this question.... David Beckham, Robbie Williams, Ozzy Osbourne, Phil Anselmo... last I knew, all had tattoos, and were millionaires.

Also, there is starts of an act being passed, to stop discrimination against people with tattoos, piercings and coloured hair. Just like you can't discriminate against religion, creed or colour. So I find that part of your argument flawed.

Sorry to go off topic, but attitudes like this really annoy me.