Returning to work after maternity leave dilemmas

Courgette

Well said, mi3.

Hate to throw a downer on this but I just wanted to make you aware that finding something pt may not be that easy. I was working ft prior to mat leave and had my pt request refused. I quit and thankfully being a SAHM suits me well but I am on the lookout for pt work and I have found that there just isn't any

Good luck with whatever you decide

Make-it-3

You're too right Courgette. If this country could harness all the unused talent sitting around because employers aren't providing flexible working for mothers then I'm willing to bet we wouldn't be in the recession we are.

Courgette

I absolutely agree! What a waste of talent. And then the Jeremy vine brigade bang on about how many rights workers have at the expense of employers. Er, no!

RLH33

Courgette wrote: »

I absolutely agree! What a waste of talent. And then the Jeremy vine brigade bang on about how many rights workers have at the expense of employers. Er, no!

Much as I love Jeremy Vine I am with you on this one. His show has been really getting on my nerves recently as he seems to have endless people, usually women employees or employers, who are firmly of the belief that women who have children or work part time are a drain on society.

Added to that I work for a Local Authority so if they aren't bashing people like me for a) being a mum, b) working part time or c) taking a years maternity leave they stick the knife in with d) working for a local authority means I am a lazy layabout who wouldn't know a hard days work if it came up and slapped me! Honestly I really don't know why I listen anymore:)

However back to the main thread, I work two days in the office and one day at home which is spread over the rest of the week. That means that I could be doing the work at 7pm on a Sunday evening but as long as it gets done then they aren't too worried. I find this brilliant and I am really lucky to have this facility.

I haven't worked full time since I had my son 7 years ago so I have no experience but I always wonder how you get the other stuff done when you work full time. For example the cleaning, the shopping and the errands that I get done in the week - it would all have to be packed into the weekends and evenings cutting into that time you should have with your child. I seem to run around doing everything as it is let alone if I worked 5 days. Plus it is all very well when the kids are at nursery but once at school the holidays are a nightmare!

But OP I understand your dilemma, its a hard one that only you can sort out for yourself, be led by your own feelings and do what you think is right. I work at what you call a 'professional' job with a long term career but still wouldn't have a problem with working down Tesco's if I had to:)

milliemonster

I've never been a SAHM but have worked p/t and f/t and am now p/t again, my kids are now a little older (12 and 8) but I am still pt. I think personally you have to do what is right for you, I am very career minded but I don't think you can have it all, when I was working ft I missed out on so much with my kids, school plays, assemblies they did etc etc and it's only when they are older that you look back and wish things maybe could have been different.

I think if you have the choice, then SAHM or P/t working is the way to go dependent on which you want and which fits in best with your lifestyle, I think if you plan a pregnancy and plan from day one on going back FT then you are going to miss out on so much with your kids growing up and won't realise until they are older just what you have missed out on. I realise it's different if you are just not in a financial position to afford to work less than FT. I personally can't see the point in having a family if one of you aren't prepared to compromise on cutting down your hours if you can afford to, this doesn't mean having to give up your career, but having kids is all about compromise and being selfless.

At the time it feels like children are young forever, but very soon they are growing up and it all seems to have gone by so quickly, I made a decision a couple of years ago to go PT again as my job was all consuming and I knew I was missing out on so much, it meant a complete change of career and our finances took a nosedive which meant we had to sacrifice so much, but now I am less stressed, house is tidier lol! and I have the time to spend with my kids, be there for them when they need me, but still have my work aswell, it's the best of both worlds.

gizmodo_2

Ooh there are a few names I recognise here

Hi MI3 Big hugs to you. I don't think anyone can tell you what's best, as only you know what's right for you. I can understand that being a SAHM is not appealing, especially if your baby group friends have all gone back to work and you're lacking in things to do to get you out of the house.

Have you had a proper look to see if there are part time jobs out there to apply for?

Bella56

MI3, I just wanted to add that 0 to 9mo is a hard time for parenting, but it does get easier and more interesting as they get to walking age, talking age, etc. :j It just gets better and they soon can do more on their own.

I started working PT (1 day a week) when 1st baby was around 14mo, went back after 12mo after having 2nd baby, and I love the compromise of a bit of work, bit of challenge out of the home, then coming back to my children, who just seem all the lovelier and more precious for the time I've spent away from them. It is just 1 day but worth it.

Could you afford a CM or nannyshare while you tried out something, even volunteering once or twice a week, just for seeing how it feels and how your LO gets on?

Make-it-3

Milliemonster, my LO has taught me to treasure each day she is around, but I still find it difficult the amount of time they demand, motivating myself to stimulate/entertain her and feeling like my world is very small.

Bella56, I'm pretty decided on a nursery as the setting I would prefer - childminders aren't much cheaper and I feel like its a mindfield interviewing and finding someone who you feel you can trust. I'm more worried about her liking nursery and my enjoying the break too and then I'd have to pull her out if I couldn't find any part-time work.

Giz, nice to see you back on here - I've had a chat to a couple of people in my industry and they were pretty bleak about availability of work generally and that by wanting part time I was making it even harder for myself.

sharkeybabe

M-I-3 - here is my perspective on it. We were on the PT thread at the same time.
My daughter 9 months old and I have been back at work 4 days a week from 9-5 since September. DD has been in full time nursery 7.30-6 5 days a week. I was desperate to go back to work. I love my daughter dearly but I wanted "me" time, I wanted my career back on track. My daughter is not damaged by this nor am I saying this through guilt but she is happy in nursery andI have seen her come a long way since joining 2 months ago. She now eats proper meals which she never done with me, She is now just about standing unaided - yet again something she never done with me at home, well im not gonna go on about everything she does. I also do this single handed as my husband is working abroad for 18 months.

Just because you put your child into childcare does not mean you are a bad parent, just means that you are a parent who wants to try and do their best for their child whilst also benefiting from their career aswell.

Hope it all works out for you and you find a balance.

Poppy9

16 years down the line here is my perspective.

After my DD was born over 16 years ago I went back to work part-time (20 hours over 3 days). DD went to nursery initially for 3 mornings a week and then 1 full day and two mornings a week for almost 3 years.

I loved going to work and being an adult again but I could never have done it full time as I would have been too tired every evening to enjoy the time I had with DD.

Did nursery make her more social or confident? No. DD is a naturally shy, reserved person despite having two outgoing parents. It's just her nature. Did it give her a head start at school, no. While I chose the nursery carefully it was not for them to teach her to read and write but for her to feel safe and enjoy.

I was only going to work PT till DD started school urm well I went back FT a week after her 16th birthday:D I only went back FT because I need the money and I was a bit bored being home half the week.

You won't get the years back with your child so do what is right for you.