Returning to work after maternity leave dilemmas

Abbafan1972

I have worked at home briefly, during the school holidays due to childcare issues and it's not a good idea. With the constant interruptions it's hard to concentrate.

lisa26_2

I think it totally depends on you and your own situation. Personally I think that if you can afford to stay at home and bring up your child yourself then why would you pay someone else to do it for you. however I do understand why some people need work and some adult time as well. I am currently 17 weeks pregnant and at the moment I don't intend to return to work, however I will probably look for a part time job when baby is a bit older, simply to earn a bit of my own money as I'll find it hard to rely on DH 100% and we're lucky that MIL is willing to look after the little one a couple of days a week.

Only you can decide what is right for you and your child but if you'd prefer to stay at home with your child and it doesn't make much difference financially due to the childcare costs then I would say go for it!

onlyroz

lisa26 wrote: »

Personally I think that if you can afford to stay at home and bring up your child yourself then why would you pay someone else to do it for you.

Because you want a career? Or is it only men who are allowed those?

Metranil_Vavin

Hi Mit3 - as you know I have been having exactly the same dilema recently. In fact it has taken up much of my head space over the past 8 months or so, and I actually attribute worrying about returning to work or not as having been a major factor in my being pretty down and having to seek medical help recently.

I handed in my notice this morning, and cried my eyes out after sending the email. Even though we have sat, talked, worked out the numbers etc, and going back there full time just wasn't going to work out, it was still gut wrenching sending the email. I feel as if I have just surrendered the last of my independence.

I love my son to death and he is by far the best thing I have ever done, but the thought of being a full time SAHM fills me with panic, mainly because I just don't think I am up to stimulating him and keeping him as occupied as I should.

My ideal scenario is to now find something part time, say 3 days a week so I can have my adult time and earn some money, but also have time with Joshua. I like you 'want it all'!

Anyway..I am now officially unemployed an a full time mum I guess, but hoping that I can find a p/t job. I think it will benefit Josh to have some time in another environment and with lots more stimulation and benefit me and my mental state.

Good luck hon..it's tough being a mum.

Mrs_P_Pincher

All I can say is that when I had my children in the 1980s I was in a very unstable relationship and I therefore felt that I had to go back to work FT after 6 months on both occasions. I used childminders and one of them turns out to have been quite unpleasant to my children. They did not say anything at the time, but they both remember their time with her as being unhappy, even though they are 28 and 22 now.

If I had my time again, I would not have gone back to work and I would have spent those precious times with them. You only get the one chance and I still feel as if I blew it.

Mrs P P

Make-it-3

Thanks ladies, it doesn't surprise me that part-time working gets so many thumbs up. I know that's what I want too, my worry is it not working out that way and having then to make the choice between full time or SAHM.

Also what the impact might be pulling my child out of nursery once she has got used to it - if no jobs materialise.

Make-it-3

Well done MV for being so brave, I know it was a momentous step for you today.

Plans_all_plans

Have you made any 'mum' friends? Do you know all of the playgroups etc locally? If the answer to both of these is yes then I think it'd be easier for you to stay at home full time and it may not be something that fills you with dread if you know other SAHMs.

I work part time currently (less than 15 hours a week) and I'm well paid really, but now that I'm pregnant (2nd child) I intend to give it up when the baby comes to be a SAHM again.

The way I see it is that the children are small for such a short period of time and I don't want anyone else to look after them, unless they love them as much as I do. No-one else can do as good a job as I can.

Do you have any family who could look after the baby for you if you went back part time? I think that this would make the decision easier.

neverdespairgirl

lisa26 wrote: »

Personally I think that if you can afford to stay at home and bring up your child yourself then why would you pay someone else to do it for you.

Because you're ambitious, enjoy working, get a lot of it, and everyone's happier?

Make-it-3

Plans-all-plans, my mum friends who I know from antenatal have returned to work and I have found it hard meet other mums, groups can be quite cliquey and often you don't have anything in common with them except babies of the same age. I don't have any family I can ask to take on childcare. I've been to see a few nurseries and am comfortable sending my child to one. No-one could love my child more than me, but I find my days very long and I find entertaining a child is tiresome and boring at times. I'm happy to admit that at times others could do it better than me.

Let's not have this thread turn into a mother bashing one. There's no right and wrongs just what works for each family. Yes of course lots of women would dearly love to be SAHM if finances allowed. Others choose to work even when it doesn't make financial sense because they want the stimulation of adult interaction and an enjoyable job. Whatever we choose doesn't make us worse or better mothers.