Returning to work after maternity leave dilemmas

Make-it-3

My baby is 9 months old and I need to sort out returning to work early next year when she is one.

In order to secure a nursery place I need to let them know now, trouble is I don’t actually have a job to go to yet. Ideally I’d like to work part-time (3 days a week) but I know in this market it’s not going to be an easy find. If it comes down to a full-time role or SAHM, I think I’d probably want to do the latter. But my OH is more keen on us both working full time. He thinks that both baby and I will benefit from this. After the cost of childcare, it wouldn’t make much of a difference to us either way financially – so it’s not about that.

I do need a break from my child (I have found motherhood very hard going and think I would be a better mother if I had some time away, but I don’t want that to be 5 days a week). I’m more sceptical about whether it’s good for babies to be in nursery. My friends who are already back at work like to boast about how social and interactive their babies are but I’m sure there’s a fair amount of wanting to believe this to ease the guilt of being away from them.

We can afford to pay the nursery space for a while as OH has been saving up childcare vouchers since she was born, but what happens when they run out and I haven’t found anything? Pull the baby out of childcare? Give up hope on my career? Can I really be a good SAHM? I can’t imagine how I would return a full-time job as it was just so all-consuming before and also run a family.

I’m sure these are dilemmas lots of women have and yes I do want to have it all, but how do I ever make the right decision for us all???

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Your OH hasn't been in the position of looking after the baby for the last 9 months.

Full time is a huge step and if you can afford to work part time, it's the best of both worlds, as you don't miss much and you get adult interaction.

Obviously, some people will say that full time was better for them, for finances, etc, but if you would rather not work at all than be away from the little one for 45 hours a week, then part time, say 3 days, is going to be a better choice for baby and for you.

ajaney

I had my first child last June, he is now coming up 17 months old.

I was able to arrange to return to work for 2 days a week & my LO goes to Nursery for those 2 days. Almost all my wages go to pay for the nursery. I had the full year leave & went back in July. I find it suits us just right, I get my adult time, back with my friends/colleagues & LO gets to spend time with other children playing & having a good time.

I wouldnt have returned on a full time basis as I wouldnt want to leave LO in Nursery every day but everyone has to find the right situation for them - I'm lucky that we can manage on my OH's money if we are careful so I am not in a position to have to work but I'm well aware this isnt a choice everyone has.

Some Nurseries would reserve a place for a £30 fee here & you could pull out up to 2 or 4 weeks before but once you had started it seems to be a universal months notice to leave.

Just a few thoughts based on my own expereices. Good Luck in whatever you decide.

Make-it-3

ajaney, you are so lucky to have the balance that suits you. Like you, I wouldn't mind if the part time job only covered childcare costs. I know I will fail at either trying to work full time and be some kind of super-mum, yet not have the patience and dedication that it takes to be a good SAHM too.

pinkcheshirecat

Not an easy decision, I have 2 children, and have been SAHM, f/t worker and p/t worker. P/t worker is the best balance for me. When do I have beans or soup for Lunch was the biggest decision of my day, I felt stifled. I'm not a 'natural SAHM' and so nursery gave my little ones some of the things I don't find easy, they also socialised with other little ones, without me stepping in with my size 9s trying to sort all the little squabbles and I think this helps them assert themselves. Working f/t was very hard on me, I felt a lot of guilt about the time I wasn't spending with them and when they're ill, its that much harder to juggle.

Working p/t has been the best solution for me. I wouldn't gain financially by working more hours, though it's not all about money. But working a few days a week balances my need for adult themes and conversations, with the needs of our family and especially the children.

My compromises won't be right for everyone, but I hope you find a balance to suit you. I will say my DH does ask about me working f/t quite often. I think if he actually worked out what it'd cost to replace the time I put in with the children and our home, cooking cleaning, washing etc......he'd soon change his mind!

onlyroz

I love my job and I'd never give it up to be a SAHM. I'd be happy for my husband to go part time though, once my daughter is in school, because he hates his job.

KittyKate

I had my daughter nearly 8 months ago and am returning to work in Jan. I am returning full time hours (I'm a complaints manager, joy!!) but my boss has been really great in letting me work extended hours Mon-Weds, thursdays off, and Fridays from home. So my daughter is in nursery 8am - 4pm Mon-Weds and with me Thurs/Fri. This works out as I get paid what I used to, rather than drop to part time hours, but my daughter is only in nursery part time so I save money, and get to spend time with her, most importantly.

I do want her to interact with other babies but I'd hate for her to be in nursery Monday to Friday 8 - 6, as she goes to bed at 7!

Finding a job that's flexible from the start is a bit harder but I'm sure you can do it - depends what you want to do - maybe you could go to an agency and find a job with your preferred hours in mind?

flutterby_lil

Thought I'd add my personal experience on what works for me.

I worked for the NHS after having my first child in 2008 so had to go back or I would have to pay the maternity back (well part of it). I went back 2 full days per week when he was 7 months old. When he was 16 months old I had to decide if I wanted my original job back but I would have to be full time. I didn't want that so they offered me a similar job but I had to work 4 days per week, having a tuesday off. I loved this as I had all weekend off, worked Monday then had a day off so only worked 3 days in a row.

I then found a new job but it was full time, 5 days but term time only. I figured that since my son will start school in Sept 2012 this job will be perfect - I began to hate my NHS job and needed the change. I took quite a big paycut and have an extra day childcare to pay as well, so financially it was a big mistake.

I am currently pregnant with number 2, after this one I will return to work after 9 months and have a day a week off, Tuesday again as I loved it so much! The term time working is fantastic and I can't wait to be able to have holidays at home with my son and new baby

I couldn't have been a SAHM - it just isn't for me - DS has come on leaps and bounds at nursery and the childminders. He splits his weeks and gets the best of both worlds. CM are very flexible, have you looked into this? If they are not full then they may let you change your hours/days what your child is cared for by them.

I would love to just work 3 days and have 2 days at home but can't afford it so I will look forward to the day a week off and a good balance of 4 days a week working plus holidays off.

Good luck, it is a tough decision but |I have never had to choose between work and being a SAHM mum as i just didn't fancy it and think time away from children is good.

Hope you find a solution soon.

gratefulforhelp_2

I think you might find part time work easier to come by? I love my job and I'm going back full time for financial reasons, but I'l love to work part time or be a SAHM.

That said I would probably go completely mad if I did.

You decide what's right for your child, and do that. x

red_devil

you might like to ask at https://www.homemakers.forumotion.co.uk. There are members who have been in the same situation.

onlyroz

KittyKate wrote: »

I had my daughter nearly 8 months ago and am returning to work in Jan. I am returning full time hours (I'm a complaints manager, joy!!) but my boss has been really great in letting me work extended hours Mon-Weds, thursdays off, and Fridays from home. So my daughter is in nursery 8am - 4pm Mon-Weds and with me Thurs/Fri. This works out as I get paid what I used to, rather than drop to part time hours, but my daughter is only in nursery part time so I save money, and get to spend time with her, most importantly.

I think you might find it hard to work from home with a toddler running around your ankles, but I wish you luck. My previous employer forbade this, because while I was working for them they were responsible for my health and safety (whether I was at home or in the office).