New girlfriend meeting teenage children for first time

Gillyx

If you do decide to go for the food scenario, don't be disheartened if someone decides not to go. I find it difficult to eat in front of people I don't know well and would feel extremely uncomfortable in that situation.

victory

Mojisola wrote: »

I would want to meet on neutral ground and aim for a fairly short first get-together - coffee or a pub lunch.

Fully agree, was just going to say keep it short and sweet on the first time because of the ages (concentration span) lots of false smiles and awarkwedness ( keeping that up for long will make yours and their jaw sore:rotfl:) best to leave them with a good happy first impression than have a day trip with them....

Kimberley

I think you and their dad have handled things great so far considering you have been with him 6 months and not met his kids yet. So many parants introduce new partners way too early to their children so just go with the flo and meet in a public place somewhere like a restaurant.

Gillyx

I think it's just me, but I find the suggestion of a meal not good. It's such a "forced" situation, for 4 people who have never met before, I think it'd be uncomfortable for the OP and the young adults. That could be up to 2 hours of small talk, which to me is incredibly awkward, especially if there are silences where noone knows what to say.

I think for the first meeting a quick "hello I'm _____, nice to meet you, how was school/uni/work (delete as applicable) today?" is more than enough, then progress up to lunches, dinners etc when everyone knows each other a little more. I'm an extremely out going person and would still find a sit down lunch/dinner uncomfortable. Also the cost to the OP's partner, to pay for 4 adults to eat out.

heretolearn_2

Yeah, i'd want to go more for an activity than a meal. Bowling? You can chat and have a drink and a snack, it's informal, it's a fun thing to do to help everyone stay in a good mood, and there's always the game itself to keep everyone busy and have something to talk about. Avoids any awkward silences or obvious forced small talk.

HariboJunkie

Hmm. I have been there in the shoes of the teenager. I was 18 when I met my future step mother. Personally I preferred that it was a pre arranged trip to the house I still shared with my Dad as it felt like I was on "home territory". Mentally I think that relaxed me and she was able to see how Dad and I interacted in our home.
We got on really well and I am very close to her 20 years later.

The very fact that you are considering their feelings so much speaks volumes about you. Well done for that.

Gillyx

HariboJunkie wrote: »

Hmm. I have been there in the shoes of the teenager. I was 18 when I met my future step mother. Personally I preferred that it was a pre arranged trip to the house I still shared with my Dad as it felt like I was on "home territory". Mentally I think that relaxed me and she was able to see how Dad and I interacted in our home.
We got on really well and I am very close to her 20 years later.

The very fact that you are considering their feelings so much speaks volumes about you. Well done for that.

Would agree 100% with this

gilly1964

I agree meet on their own territory, home or local pub but only for a drink, so that they do not feel awkward trying to hold a conversation with someone who is effectively a stranger.

I have known my step children for 14 years and the youngest chose to live with us, but even now I still feel there is a barrier with the eldest and that she only calls when she wants something - usually a favour like dog sitting.

You all have the advantage that the "children" are actually adults so the conversation does not have to be about the latest toy or games console which I had absolutely no idea about when I met my two - Pokemon what the heck was that about?

Good on you for considering their feelings and the most important piece of advice I can give you is do not try to replace their mum and do not ever be derogoratory about her. My step children have always known that * is their mum, but I am their best friend if that is what they want.

All the best

Luckyred

However you decide to go about it Knockans... you will be just fine. You come across as very sensible, sensitive and understanding of the feelings of others.

rachbc

i would just gradually get involved rather than having a big intro meet the family' type thing - so go pick him up for a date when they are there - say hi, stay for a few mins small talk, and build up from there.