New girlfriend meeting teenage children for first time

Person_one

Has anyone got a dog? If so, go out for a nice long walk with the dog(s) as your first meeting. Its a casual setting, you're all walking along so there isn't the pressure of sitting round a table all looking at each other, silences are ok if they happen, you have conversational fallback of what funny thing the dog is doing or how nice the pretty autumn scenery is.

Seanymph

rach is bang on in my opinion.

You and he go out to dinner, and you go pick him up - go in, wait for a few minutes making small talk whilst he fixes his face or whatever - then go in when you drop him back and have a coffee and leave.


Be there but not to 'meet' them - be there and be polite to them but not about them.

Then go over for dinner with them - in their house - or whatever. Don't wash up, act like a guest.

Don't arrange to meet them all at once - just meet however is around, eventually you will attend events and meals with them, but not yet.

For now, so far you have not visited your boyfriend in his home, start doing that and ignore them as an issue, include them in any conversation.

Go with him to the garden centre and then go back with him to work in the garden with what he's bought, have a cup of tea and leave...... visit with HIM, but meet them at the same time. Don't for goodness sake start planning what colour to paint a wall, or choose the flowers, or act like you live there. Just pick him up or drop him off, drop around for lunch with him, and talk to them as you and he do that. No hugging!

Let them get used to you being around with no pressure. They'll be fine.

Katgrit

Been there, got the t-shirt. At the time me 29, exOH 40 and two sons of 16 and 18. Please DON'T arrange a forced meeting - as Gillyx said it could just end up very awkward with big long silences. Why not pop round on a Saturday when they're relaxed and pootling round the house, playing Xbox, making bacon butties, watching telly. Much more relaxed. Sit in the lounge or kitchen, somewhere where they'll be popping in and out of. Spend time with their Dad and general family discussions will happen - what they're doing in the afternoon, who is having what from McDonalds, etc. If they're teasing their Dad for something join in. Perhaps if one of them wants running somewhere you could drop them off?Maybe do something low key like bowling. But please not sat round a table for a meal if they've never met you - far too formal. Sadly it didn't work out with me and my ex, but I take pride in the fact that the 16 yr old cried when he thought we'd split up once, and they turned to me for advice on college and jobs etc. Their Mother's priority was usually herself, and always had been, and so they were made up their Dad had found someone who cared about him so much. It IS a very difficult situation to be in, you need to be friendly but you blurr boundaries by being a friend. You need to be Dad's girlfriend but not a step mother (at least not yet!). So hard! I'll cross my fingers you all warm to each other. 2 years on and I still so much miss my Saturday afternoons sitting on their couch with the lads popping in and out.