Is your OH not that interested in planning the wedding?

wanchai_2

PinkPrincess83 wrote: »

My oh is quite good. I do tend to do all the researching and getting quotes etc but I run everything past him for his opinion. Like invites, there was 2 designs I was unsure about so asked him and he much preferred one so I went with that.

I do sometime feel I run things past him, he agrees then the next day says I never run it passed him so now I do tend to make sure he is fully listening and knows what he agreeing to.:D

Some things like the venue decoration he isnt that interested in all he said was 'dont do it all pink'!! but I have taken that on board as I think its important to not have it all in my taste but to have his taste as part of the day aswell, like sweetie bags, I picked white and pink stripes but he wanted blue ones (as he didnt want a pink bag for his own sweets:rotfl:) so I have 100 pink and 50 blue!!

Honeymoon, he gave me a budget and then I reseached a number of places and then we went through together to decide. But thats how we tend to work anyway- I reserch for everything ie car insurance then run through the best quotes with him to check which one is best for us.

He is responsible for sorting out his suit, I may not even find out until the day what he has picked but im happy with that as he hasnt had a say in my dress. He did say at one point he was wearing all black- I really wouldnt have a problem, its his day as much as mine so he can wear what he wants as long as he is there!! (I think he was actually suprised that I was like 'oh ok that could look cool'!!)

If you are finding it too much or you are fed up of him not being that interested then have a chat with him and see what he says.

As above, we did have a little chat and now I feel a lot better. It *is* his day too and I would never steamroll him into wearing a morning suit or anything, he wants to wear an ordinary suit and I am totally happy with that. He also doesn't want to wear a ring (he doesn't wear any jewellery, even a watch) so we are just getting him a cheap ring for the day, which will be put away as a keepsake afterwards. He's also getting major input into the music at the church and reception, and I'm happy for him to choose the honeymoon destination (we like the same places so that's safe enough lol!). He is also happy with the venue, the food and the band. I am the opposite of a bridezilla really!

But when it comes to the dress, flowers, stationery (he'd happily send invitations by email or text ), decor and all the little details, I do want to do it 'properly' as it were, whereas he wouldn't be bothered about any of that! :rotfl:

Idiophreak

Lol, the order of threads on the wedding board right now is quite entertaining:
* Is your OH not that interested in planning the wedding? ( 1 2)
* Football themed wedding

OK, I'll go and read the thread now

continualdiamond

Mine wasn't overly interested. The sweetest thing he did (though majorily peeved me off to begin with) was book our wedding...

We had decided on the 26th August, venue was available but needed to secure the registrar. So when he picked me up from work this particular day we were then going to the registry office, he turned as if going home, when I questioned it he replied 'Oh I can't be bothered tonight, we'll do it another time'. :mad:

I got all sulky and said 'Well, we'll just loose our date then, longer we leave, more chance they're doing another wedding'. He then smiled and said 'It's sorted, we're getting married on the 26th. I rang them when I got home from work, they were available, its booked and deposit paid'.

Yes he did get a soft punch on the arm for making me panic :rotfl:

I didn't expect him to show interest in colour theme or table center pieces etc. Yes I asked his opinion, but mainly he let me get on with stuff like that with my mum and sister.

We did choose our rings and he was really keen to make sure mine went nicely with my engagement ring. He chose his outfit, think that threw him, it was low key wedding anyway, but don't think he expected me to be so relaxed about what he wore.

He did have some diff ideas....Wanted jelly beans on the table as the sweets with the thank you notes attached. My mum pounced on that one, saying how silly that was and you couldn't do that. My mum then organised chocs in silver gifts bags she had bought months before and put them all together the night before.

Then day of the wedding, my mother in law had thought of the same thing and organised little egg chocs sitting in a nest, with silver material gathered together with a teal butterfly sticking out (they were my colours) and a thank you note attached.

All in all he got involved I surpose as much as he felt he could, or with the parts he felt he wanted too.

kmmr

My OH was actually brilliant for the wedding (ignoring my earlier rant!). He arranged
- Visiting about 10 venues in 1 week, one of which we chose. I would have left it a few months – I didn’t realise how quickly things booked out
- A shortlist of bands, and to go and see one in town one night
- The photographer
- The invites (and the thank yous)
- The transport (buses)
- Making me learn a dance.
- The whole honeymoon
- His suit and suit for best man
I organised
- Dress (obviously)
- Co-ordinating family/friends for accommodation and transport
- Presents for guests (although he reminded me I had to do it)
- Bridal cars
- Make up, Hair, nails etc.
- Getting little pieces to bring the theme together (Monopoly)
- Favours
- Flowers
- Chair covers etc and the ‘look’ of the room
- Cake

Stuff we did completely together
- Table arranging
- Guest lists
- Quiz on the day
- Religious elements (regular visits to the priest. The ‘how to be married’ catholic course)
- Music in the church, and choosing songs for the venue
- Choosing venue, menu, canap!s etc
- Sweet table (at 1am 2 days before the wedding when we suddenly decided we would do it!)

I’m sure there is lots more, but these are the things I can think of now.

I think he liked doing the big things that could just be ‘done’. Like booking a photographer, or the buses. Whereas I liked the endless little things, and worrying about details. I also have a very intense job with long hours, so he had more time to do internet research so could find out all the things you need to know about photographers tec. People do seem to think it is the brides job to do a lot of the work – so I think I was lucky that he did so much. In my opinion he worried a little too much about some things though. I have arranged a lot of parties before, so I was comfortable knowing we could finalise timing and things like that on the last week, but he wanted to endlessly discuss if the speeches should start at 7.50 or 8.00pm! I knew he would chill out on the day, so I wasn’t too worried, but we just had to get to the day and we could both calm down.

In the end I think it’s all just a balance, and working out what people are interested in. I think I annoyed the OH from time to time when I wasn’t interested enough. But it was mainly because of work, and even sometimes on the weekend after a really intense week I just want to not think about anything, which I am sure is the same for both sexes.

White_Sapphire

Idiophreak wrote: »

Lol, the order of threads on the wedding board right now is quite entertaining:
* Is your OH not that interested in planning the wedding? ( 1 2)
* Football themed wedding

OK, I'll go and read the thread now

:rotfl: :rotfl:

White_Sapphire

I have done most of the researching and booking, but we have discussed everything before decisions are made, with the exception of the flowers (funnily enough he's not too bothered), and one or two decorative elements, which again don't matter to him. For instance, I really want bunting, and lanterns for the evening venue; I mentioned it to him briefly, and he wasn't bothered, so I'm going ahead!
He is interested in the wedding, and frequently initiates conversations about it, but they are to do with larger topics like music, or the Honeymoon; not fine detail, which often (in my experience) is just not as important to men as it can be to women. Mind you, he did find, contact, and book, an amazing musician to play during the after ceremony photos, which I am very happy with, as I'd never have found him!
Another gross generalisation (sorry Idiophreak, ampafc, and others ) is that men often respond better to set tasks than vague pleas for help. A lot of them are trained to believe that the wedding is about what the bride wants, so they sit back, not through laziness or apathy, but a worry that they will get in the way, or do the wrong thing! So if I ask my H2B to find us a list of DJs he will do so, but if I say "can you do something about the wedding this week?" he will have no clue what is expected of him. Although he might google honeymoons (his current favourite topic of wedding-related conversation)....

x

kmmr

White_Sapphire wrote: »

I have done most of the researching and booking, but we have discussed everything before decisions are made.
With the exception of the flowers (funnily enough he's not too bothered), and one or two decorative elements, which again don't matter to him. For instance, I really want bunting, and lanterns for the evening venue; I mentioned it to him briefly, and he wasn't bothered, so I'm going ahead!
He is interested in the wedding, and frequently initiates conversations about it, but they are to do with larger topics like music, or the Honeymoon; not fine detail, which often (in my experience) is just not as important to men as it can be to women. He did find, contact, and book, an amazing musician to play during the after ceremony photos, which I am very happy with, as I'd never have found him!
Another gross generalisation (sorry Idiophreak, ampafc, and others ) is that men often respond better to set tasks than vague pleas for help. A lot of them are trained to believe that the wedding is about what the bride wants, so they sit back, not through laziness or apathy, but a worry that they will get in the way, or do the wrong thing! So if I ask my H2B to find us a list of DJs he will do so, but if I say "can you do something about the wedding this week?" he will have no clue what is expected of him. Although he might google honeymoons (his current favourite topic of wedding-related conversation)....

x

Agreed. Men like big tasks - although mine did want to discuss "things" from time to time, and did the general 'we need to discuss things today' occassionally. I think that meant he was a bit worried, but not sure about what.

He sort of wanted to talk about things, but didn't tell me what, and then was annoyed when I didn't come up with stuff to discuss.

I don't think we have the traditional male/female roles in our relationship!

wanchai_2

Just reading through the latest posts... good point peeps, I guess that men do usually prefer being allocated specific tasks. I need to consider the approach that I should take to all this, really don't want to do it all myself but want OH to be on board and not feel nagged!

stationaryace

I feel quite lucky reading this as my OH very much wants to be involved in the wedding prep. The key word however is wants, as he sometimes needs a nudge to actually get anything done but would be gutted if I took over and just did it all myself.

Guess I have a licence to nag then

TediousPhoenix

The only thing my husband did was to go to the cake testing. I think he enjoyed that bit.