Is your OH not that interested in planning the wedding?

Em88

It would seem I am quite lucky; my OH takes just about the perfect amount of interest. We didn't really have any real discussion as to venues; we just knew ours was the perfect place so that was easy. We discussed the guest list together and decided what we both want, he had a strong influence on the photographer. We have designed our invitiations together too. But then for the flowers, Bm dress and colour theme he has let me choose. He has said he wants chocolate cake and we are both going to meet some bakers this weekend and meeting 2 florists that I have short listed to decide.

In terms of budgeting and researching etc though he hasn't done loads but that is a reflection of our relationship as I am the one who organises stuff. I do the present buying, the holiday booking etc.

wanchai_2

sugarwalsh wrote: »

If it helps, I'm not bothered that OH isn't interested in all the finer details - it means I can let my creative side go wild without having to check it out with anyone. I just wave things under his nose and he okays them!

When it comes to the rings I have shown him the ones I like on Ebay and he insists on bidding! I've told him he is getting his at goldsmiths as that is where we have vouchers for!

Try not to get too worried - how long is it until your wedding?

MEgan

Just under 8 months! We got engaged 4 months ago.

Hmm, maybe you have the right approach, hope my OH okays things or we'll have problems!

bunneh wrote: »

We're getting married next year and last night I asked OH what date we were getting married and he started guessing in the wrong month. So don't feel too bad. When I asked him he said he was really looking forward to it but it just didn't seem real yet.

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

aworbey wrote: »

I'll add a little from a male perspective, I think I'm more into organising than my other half and wanting to look at things we can have and do at the wedding. Every lunch time at work I'm looking for ideas and websites to keep etc, whereas she isnt as bothered, although when we sit down at a weekend she'll look through but other than that she doesn't. Plus I get from friends the underlying feeling that its not something men do "as a girl plans her wedding from birth", well I'm certainly bucking the trend and proudly joining the ladies as it's my special day as much as hers and I want to make sure everything is just right.

I'M JUST SO EXCITED AND ITS STILL SO FAR AWAY!

Interesting! Now I am starting to think that whichever person gets organised, the other person sits back and lets them get on with it! :cool:

BTW, I certainly never 'planned' my wedding before getting engaged, I honestly didn't even give it a thought my whole life, but of course I want to plan it now that I am engaged and it is all very new and exciting!!! :j

wanchai_2

stir_crazy wrote: »

Wanchai, yeah he likes any kind of vehicle really - if it has wheels and an engine he likes it! He really wanted me to get one of his friends dad's cars - he does vintage wedding cars, so OH was bugging me for ages about it (I personally would have ordered a nice taxi). When I try talking about other parts of the wedding, he just agrees with me, except when I mentioned pumpkin centrepieces - he thought would look Halloween-y.

Oh, I think that pumpkins would be lovely as it's an October wedding! You could have them carved (not with scary faces obv, maybe with hearts) and put tea lights in them outside the door of the venue or whatever, sounds gorge!

So have you gone with the vintage car then? x

katerinasol wrote: »

Mine was like that before we got married and I just gave up on it in the end - he said all that mattered to him was that I was happy with the day, and he was happy just marrying me and celebrating it with our family and friends. I still ran my decisions past him but in the end it was down to me really.

Most men aren't interested in whether the table runner matches the invitations etc, and trust me, you probably won't care all that much on the day either! Though everything does look much prettier in the photos if it's put together well

Fair enough... I am just going to have to do it my way then! I don't mind being left to sort the flowers, dresses, colours etc - that's normal. It's all the other stuff... :cool:

Em88 wrote: »

It would seem I am quite lucky; my OH takes just about the perfect amount of interest. We didn't really have any real discussion as to venues; we just knew ours was the perfect place so that was easy. We discussed the guest list together and decided what we both want, he had a strong influence on the photographer. We have designed our invitiations together too. But then for the flowers, Bm dress and colour theme he has let me choose. He has said he wants chocolate cake and we are both going to meet some bakers this weekend and meeting 2 florists that I have short listed to decide.

In terms of budgeting and researching etc though he hasn't done loads but that is a reflection of our relationship as I am the one who organises stuff. I do the present buying, the holiday booking etc.

That sounds very balanced and lovely, lucky you. I will have to delegate *some* stuff to my OH as it is all very time-consuming!

Roz_V

MsShopper wrote: »

Wanchai, we may be engaged to the same man!

I'm no 'it's all about me,me,me' kind of girl - I want our big day to reflect us both. I thought that my OH would want at least some input into that, but his lack of interest has driven me crazy at times!

It actually caused us some rows at first, until I worked out the jist of it. He wants to get married, and celebrate it with me, our friends and family, with some good food and music, The rest - theme, colours, stationery, centrepieces, flowers, favours etc - isn't important to him. (Though he gets that it's important to me.)

Even so, it does annoy me sometimes, feeling like it's all down to me. But I figured out two things: 1) I can hold his attention if we agree a time for some wedding chat, where I run ideas past him or get his thoughts on stuff. And 2) selected delegation! We've agreed some tasks that are for him to sort, eg groomsmen's suits, giving notice, activity packs for the child guests (as they're mostly his relatives!). Not too major all-in-all, but it's taken some of the pressure off me.

Anyway, in other words, I feel your frustration! But I'm sure you and your OH can work out a happy medium. Maybe you two could have a chat to figure out what elements of the day are important to him, and go from there?

We are the same person/marrying the same person.

OH just wants to be married & have a party - the rest of the bits don't seem to matter to him!

wanchai_2

Roz_V wrote: »

We are the same person/marrying the same person.

OH just wants to be married & have a party - the rest of the bits don't seem to matter to him!

I am starting to see a pattern here :rotfl:

Dekazer

My OH has done slightly less than me, but we've discussed it and we're both comfortable with it. I'm definitely the organiser - I keep track of our finances and do a lot of our admin (car tax, bike tax, boat licence, I even updated his driver tacho card last month) and he does the bulk of the food shopping and cooking and cleaning and maintenance. I actually feel lazy a lot of the time!

With the wedding, I don't make decisions without him, but I do put them into practice once we've decided. I think that's OK, as it only takes one person to do a web search, or phone or email someone. We get RSVPs emailed to a joint account, so we share responsibility for replying. He helps if I have a particular task, e.g. 'can you please fold all of these bits of paper in half and put them in these envelopes?' but doesn't really take much initiative. We also share out the tasks we each prefer - he is way more into music than I am, so he's pretty much organised all the music for the day.

I must admit at times I feel like I am more stressed than he is, but maybe that just means that he's more able to support me when I have a wobble

Our wedding's a month tomorrow and I seriously wish I had enough annual leave to stop working now - I can't imagine how I'll get everything done just with weekends and evenings, but I'm sure it'll all be alright on the night

Brighton_belle

wanchai wrote: »

I'm not expecting him to be into the flowers, hair etc - but perhaps the stationery, rings and stuff? Or am I expecting too much?

Yes, Probably:D. Like others have said, most blokes just aren't that interested. My DH proposed in July and we married this Sept, 10 weeks later and I organised it all - he would just glaze over at any details.
Even buying the rings - sourced my own, including engagement ring and just took him to see them once I had decided to confirm he liked them too. And then his own...nothing done til 7 days before the wedding,lol, we went shopping then had lunch to decide which to buy: he looked so bored and glum , I thought crikey, if any of the staff knew we were getting married in 7 days they would say there is no way that marriage is going to last!

On our wedding day, we both had the best day of our lives and he hasn't stopped smiling since and we love being married to each other. So take heart:)

lizd87

stir_crazy wrote: »

My OH usually wants to know the ins and outs of everything - except when it comes to wedding planning! The only thing he was interested in was the bride's car. I asked him to look at tartans for his kilt and even then he kept asking me which one I preferred so he could make a decision. We were talking honeymoons last night and all I got from him was "as long as you like it, I'm not fussed where we go". NO! I'm asking you because I want your input and I want you to make choices with me!!

Mine is exactly the same! Only thing he was *half* interested in was the car!

PinkPrincess83

My oh is quite good. I do tend to do all the researching and getting quotes etc but I run everything past him for his opinion. Like invites, there was 2 designs I was unsure about so asked him and he much preferred one so I went with that.

I do sometime feel I run things past him, he agrees then the next day says I never run it passed him so now I do tend to make sure he is fully listening and knows what he agreeing to.:D

Some things like the venue decoration he isnt that interested in all he said was 'dont do it all pink'!! but I have taken that on board as I think its important to not have it all in my taste but to have his taste as part of the day aswell, like sweetie bags, I picked white and pink stripes but he wanted blue ones (as he didnt want a pink bag for his own sweets:rotfl:) so I have 100 pink and 50 blue!!

Honeymoon, he gave me a budget and then I reseached a number of places and then we went through together to decide. But thats how we tend to work anyway- I reserch for everything ie car insurance then run through the best quotes with him to check which one is best for us.

He is responsible for sorting out his suit, I may not even find out until the day what he has picked but im happy with that as he hasnt had a say in my dress. He did say at one point he was wearing all black- I really wouldnt have a problem, its his day as much as mine so he can wear what he wants as long as he is there!! (I think he was actually suprised that I was like 'oh ok that could look cool'!!)

If you are finding it too much or you are fed up of him not being that interested then have a chat with him and see what he says.

wanchai_2

Dekazer wrote: »

My OH has done slightly less than me, but we've discussed it and we're both comfortable with it. I'm definitely the organiser - I keep track of our finances and do a lot of our admin (car tax, bike tax, boat licence, I even updated his driver tacho card last month) and he does the bulk of the food shopping and cooking and cleaning and maintenance. I actually feel lazy a lot of the time!

With the wedding, I don't make decisions without him, but I do put them into practice once we've decided. I think that's OK, as it only takes one person to do a web search, or phone or email someone. We get RSVPs emailed to a joint account, so we share responsibility for replying. He helps if I have a particular task, e.g. 'can you please fold all of these bits of paper in half and put them in these envelopes?' but doesn't really take much initiative. We also share out the tasks we each prefer - he is way more into music than I am, so he's pretty much organised all the music for the day.

I must admit at times I feel like I am more stressed than he is, but maybe that just means that he's more able to support me when I have a wobble

Our wedding's a month tomorrow and I seriously wish I had enough annual leave to stop working now - I can't imagine how I'll get everything done just with weekends and evenings, but I'm sure it'll all be alright on the night

Thanks for that, and best of luck with your big day Christmas weddings are magical xx

Brighton_belle wrote: »

Yes, Probably:D. Like others have said, most blokes just aren't that interested. My DH proposed in July and we married this Sept, 10 weeks later and I organised it all - he would just glaze over at any details.
Even buying the rings - sourced my own, including engagement ring and just took him to see them once I had decided to confirm he liked them too. And then his own...nothing done til 7 days before the wedding,lol, we went shopping then had lunch to decide which to buy: he looked so bored and glum , I thought crikey, if any of the staff knew we were getting married in 7 days they would say there is no way that marriage is going to last!

On our wedding day, we both had the best day of our lives and he hasn't stopped smiling since and we love being married to each other. So take heart:)

I will! I actually casually said to OH last night that anyone would think he was having second thoughts as he hasn't been that enthusiastic... he nearly choked on his dinner! He reassured me that he very much wants to get married to me and that it will be not so much the best day of his life as the start of our married life and that they will all be best days... I got a little emotional at that! Bless him. Then he started complaining about the cost of the flowers etc and spoiled the moment :rotfl:

lizd87 wrote: »

Mine is exactly the same! Only thing he was *half* interested in was the car!

Hmmm, we aren't even having a 'wedding' car, so nowt for my OH to get excited about!