Is your OH not that interested in planning the wedding?

wanchai_2

Mine is less than enthusiastic I feel like, well, he asked ME so he should show *some* willing!!! I am doing most of it on my own ATM

Tell me your experiences. Am I alone in feeling this way?

MsShopper

Wanchai, we may be engaged to the same man!

I'm no 'it's all about me,me,me' kind of girl - I want our big day to reflect us both. I thought that my OH would want at least some input into that, but his lack of interest has driven me crazy at times!

It actually caused us some rows at first, until I worked out the jist of it. He wants to get married, and celebrate it with me, our friends and family, with some good food and music, The rest - theme, colours, stationery, centrepieces, flowers, favours etc - isn't important to him. (Though he gets that it's important to me.)

Even so, it does annoy me sometimes, feeling like it's all down to me. But I figured out two things: 1) I can hold his attention if we agree a time for some wedding chat, where I run ideas past him or get his thoughts on stuff. And 2) selected delegation! We've agreed some tasks that are for him to sort, eg groomsmen's suits, giving notice, activity packs for the child guests (as they're mostly his relatives!). Not too major all-in-all, but it's taken some of the pressure off me.

Anyway, in other words, I feel your frustration! But I'm sure you and your OH can work out a happy medium. Maybe you two could have a chat to figure out what elements of the day are important to him, and go from there?

anibell

No I don't think you're alone!
I thought my OH wasn't that interested as I felt I was doing all the talking and planning (I wasn't really but that's how I felt). But after having a long conversation I found he was really stressed about work and he just felt he had to sort out some problems with that before concentrating on the wedding. It was a bit of relief tbh as I was beginning to think he had second thoughts! :eek:
He's getting more involved now which is just as well as there's only 7 months to go :j
Is there something bothering your OH at all? Or does he think there's plenty of time to get things organised?
I (jokenly) threatened to contact the bbc for 'don't tell the bride' - he wasn't amused!!! Maybe an idea though for someone else :rotfl:

MrsDrink

In our relationship I don't think it's that he's not interested, just more that he can't be arsed :rotfl:.

I'm the planner in our relationship - I organise EVERYTHING. In the 12 years we've been together I don't think he's ever taken any initiative to book us into a restaurant. I'm the one that organises all our holidays. Take Christmas for example - I've already sorted my family out, and most of his pressies, and I've said he can sort out his family. But I know if I stuck to that it'd be a Christmas Eve affair and I'd get dragged along for the ride... I've already caved in and got his sister and his nephews sorted. Just got to get something for his parents and then I've done all I can up to buying my own pressies :rotfl:.

We just have our roles to play, and one of mine is the organiser. Besides he's had input on all major decisions, and the wedding *I've* planned reflects both of our personalities, but he doesn't get all dreamy over the big day like me

stir_crazy

My OH usually wants to know the ins and outs of everything - except when it comes to wedding planning! The only thing he was interested in was the bride's car. I asked him to look at tartans for his kilt and even then he kept asking me which one I preferred so he could make a decision. We were talking honeymoons last night and all I got from him was "as long as you like it, I'm not fussed where we go". NO! I'm asking you because I want your input and I want you to make choices with me!!

johannalf88

I have a theory that in most cases Bridezilla doesn't exist. It's a self fulfilling prophecy. Grooms expect us to take control and do it, and we do because they won't! My H2B us the same Stir_crazy!

bride2be2012

no you're not alone, my OH is like this too. Apart from coming to view venues with me, I don't think he has done anything! (and even that was coz I insisted he came lol!)

fawny

Hi,

Well sounds like I'm lucky then, my OH is so into the planning with me. We have done everything together, he's even helped with the designs for the invites & RSPV's. We sit down & discuss everything together, we met our wedding planner the other week & even she said she was amazed how much intrest he was showing in it right down to the table decorations:D

kmmr

stir_crazy wrote: »

We were talking honeymoons last night and all I got from him was "as long as you like it, I'm not fussed where we go". NO! I'm asking you because I want your input and I want you to make choices with me!!

My OH says that all the time. It annoys me for two reasons - first it forces me to make the decision when I could do with some help, and secondly he doesn't mean it!

If I say - ok fine, lets go backpacking in Thailand, he'll say - well, no, you know I don't like that, choose something I will like. So I am supposed to choose from the limited set of things that he likes, without him really telling me. grrrr

I think 'I'm not fussed' is just a way of being lazy and avoiding decisions. People don't realise that making decisions that please everyone is hard.

/end rant.

74jax

I can't work mine out.....

I think he likes to show he's not really that interested (maybe he thinks it's a girlie thing????),

But then if I mention a venue he wants to know all about it, he wants to know about the naming of our tables (rather than table 1, table 2, we're naming them after different types of wind :eek: don't ask....)

Then the other day, after a day at the beach kitesurfing, he came in with about 20 shells to go on our tables as part of the center pieces.

He's such a softy at times.

I, like others on here, plan everything, I'm meticulous, so I think he just leaves me to the looking and searching part. I then narrow it down and we decide on the final things together.

sugarwalsh

Wanchai, I feel for you sweetie. I think you just have to realise that most men really couldn't give two hoots about what colour flowers you are having, the favours, your chosen hairstyle etc. I know that sounds harsh and is an over-generalisation, but it doesn't mean he is not interested in marrying you! My oh isn't interested in all the above - he half listens when I talk about stuff (Funnily his whoe attention is gained when I mention prices!), so I have found that I just run things past him. We chose the venues together, we chose the menu together - I showed him what I wanted, he chose the veggie options. He came with me yesterday when we tried the meal (Surprise!). I showed him the invites/place cards etc before ordering so he could have his input. Yesterday I was amazed as we saw the Registrar who gave us a pamphlet on the vows we could choose and I left it with him. He actually made his choices and then when we went over them we found that we liked the same ones.

I guess what I'm trying to say is pick the things you want his input on. Don't leave him out, but get on with doing all the 'girly' stuff and if you want to allocate some jobs to him. Personally I know that is a no-no for me, if I left it to my OH then we would be stood in our regular clothes in the resgistry office with 2 strangers as witnesses..... If you do give him jobs have faith he will do them and let him do it his own way.

I'm sure that all he wants is to be your husband, that is the most important thing to him.

Megan