Finally reaching out for some help...

PinotGrigio41

Hi Kerri,

So glad that you had lovely time with your family. Really hope your neck is feelign better.

As for the latest creation, I love it ! I am sure your online shop / stall will be a big success.

For those lookng for sewing classes ( there arent any near me either, I was looking for something for my DD1 who has an interest in sewing, but unfortuantley her useless mother isnt able to teach her !! ), I read in a magazine last week about someone who has set up a sewing cafe in London, there are classes ,but you can also have a cake and a chin wag at the same time. Apparently its been quite successful.

I will have a hunt and see if I can find the article on whereabouts it is. Maybe that could be another venture for you Kerri in the future !

I would love to learn to sew amongst other things,but I am struggling to keep on top of the everyday things at the moment, so sewing isnt on my agenda ...yet !!!

kerri_dfw

Ooh good thinking Mrs P, I must catchup on your diary actually!!! I've been slack recently as it takes so long to catch up with everyone when I have been away for a few days *slaps own hand*

I'm feeling a little blue again today OH phoned me this morning to ask my opinion on him doing the masters out in Canada, I'm really not happy about the whole having to put my life on hold for 18 months thing. I'm already wanting to move to Cardiff so I'm not on the opposite side of the country from him, why would I want to put a massive ocean between us?

I've looked up courses in the field he wants to study at his university at the moment and the course fees are about £3500. Seeing as I'm moving to Cardiff anyway, then he wouldn't need to pay living expenses and the course is 12 months rather than the 18 months for Canada.

However, even though he says it's a decision for both of us I can't really have any say in it for fear of him resenting me later down the line, so I think my opinion is going to be "what would you tell me to do?". Although, in the 6 months that you get for doing the masters in the UK rather than Canada he could potentially earn £12k+ if he landed a job straight away.

I think maybe I need to approach this with him from a business perspective. The masters makes sense as he's older and he'd be more qualified that the nippers coming in, especially as he wants to specialize in A.I. However, Canada even though it's an amazing opportunity, will put him further back financially and experience-wise. Although, Canada might provide him with experience at the same time. But then again it'll put his life on hold for a further 6 months.

Oh I'll just leave it up to him and see what he decides still feel though that he's even considering being away from me for so long. I've felt pretty resentful about the fact he's gone and left me behind this time, and that's just 4 months. So I'm not sure that I could do 18 months. I don't know *sigh*

newroadahead

Aw Kerri

Not long in but didn't just want to read and dash off.

I know it is hard about the decisions OH wants to make at the moment but maybe you should sleep on it and then talk to him.

It seems to be one of those situations where both answers are right and both are wrong in different ways for each of you.

Sleep on it tonight and then in the morning take a sheet of paper and on the first side write the pros and cons from his perspective and on the other side do the same but from your perspective.

Then if you talk to him you could discuss it using the sheet as a memo to help you along.

Im not saying it will help but it sometimes helps me.

BTW love the bag.

Will catch up later


NRA xx

ZTD

kerri_dfw wrote: »

However, even though he says it's a decision for both of us I can't really have any say in it for fear of him resenting me later down the line,

kerri_dfw wrote: »

I think maybe I need to approach this with him from a business perspective. The masters makes sense as he's older and he'd be more qualified that the nippers coming in, especially as he wants to specialize in A.I.

What's the wages for AI?

kerri_dfw wrote: »

Oh I'll just leave it up to him and see what he decides still feel though that he's even considering being away from me for so long. I've felt pretty resentful about the fact he's gone and left me behind this time, and that's just 4 months. So I'm not sure that I could do 18 months. I don't know *sigh*

So your choices seem to be:

• Say no, and have him resentful towards you down the line.
• Say yes, and be resentful towards him.

I know you probably don't want to hear this, but your lives may have diverged, and this is the point they separate.

But that depends on how much he wants to do this - is he just blowing hot air?

Cherryjack

I was kind of thinking the same ZTD but hoping that its not hun.. i think you need to see him really as its very hard to discuss not in person xx big hugs xx i hope he is home soon .. how many weeks left? im sure your not the first and wont be the last going thru this xxx

kerri_dfw

Z, I don't know what the wages are for A.I. I am fully aware that if he goes to do this then it'll be the end of us, as I'll resent him leaving me behind again. It already hurts that he left me behind once already, going off to Canada without taking into account my feelings, which sounds really selfish when I say it out loud.

I've spent the afternoon looking at university courses and fees in Bath, Bristol and Cardiff. I've sent him links to courses that might interest him, but I know he won't be happy with the fees which range from £3500 - £9500.

He doesn't even know if he wants to do a masters, he's just pleased that he's been offered it. However, this is the third occasion when he's mentioned it to me now this time with a firm offer of scholarship, which makes me think that he does want to do it even if he's saying he doesn't know.

I know I'm inflicted by overthinking things and I hate uncertainty but this is just making me feel a bit lost. I guess this is what happens when you work everything out in your head....it just falls flat on its face.

Cherryjack

To be honest you have every right to feel in limbo ... what your feeling is very natural xx I had a similar experience..i ended up flying out to my parner.. and thinking things were drifting we got engaged lol..so all sorts of things were going thru my head but not in his im now divorced from him but for other reasons.. but all ment to be x

psychopathbabble

I think the reason you are probably struggling is, as you said, if he does the masters over in Canada, he will have been away for as long as you were together before he left... if you had been together longer then maybe you would feel differently.

But,having said that, my friends mum and dad met a few weeks before he was going to Hong Kong for 2 years. Off he went and they both waited for each other, wrote letters etc, and they have now been married for a long time with two children, the younger of which is 32. So there is hope

kerri_dfw

Thanks Ladies I've been looking at courses over here that he could do and found one at Cardiff university that would put him in really good stead for getting employed afterwards. It's a masters with placement, so you do the taught modules in the first two semesters, then spend 12 months getting paid in the field of your choice (so getting experience and specialising both really important), then come back and finish the dissertation. This actually sounds a lot more attractive as you can normally get placed back into the company where you did your work experience, as I've done with my career path (I did a placement year with my undergraduate degree and went back to the company afterwards). I think I might try to sell this to him, especially as the placement is paid so will take some of the stress out of the money side of things.

Life is never easy *sigh*

debtfreewannabe321

you're right life is never easy. If he wants to stay with you I should think Cardiff would be first choice on his list. Why would he want to be away for longer than need be! big hugs i haven't got anything else to add that everyone else has already said.

I love your bags btw! i hope you take a picture of your stall for us when you go