Finally reaching out for some help...

brizzledfw

Liking the hoodie but ouch re the spends!

I spent some money in Body Sh@p today trying to find alternative to my Cla4is habit! We shall see! I have found a good alternative to my previous Lanc@me eye make up remover..L'@real one which is the same and a fraction of the price!

Best of luck with the budget. At least you know where it's gone!

Love the response to your OH btw!!:-)

RosaBernicia

Can your OH work in Canada, or is he only there as a student?

If I was asked to go and live there I'd be on the askers doorstep off the next flight, but it's rather more complicated if you'd have to time things to fit around a masters because he's then coming back.

Rosa xx

kerri_dfw

brizzledfw wrote: »

Liking the hoodie but ouch re the spends!

I spent some money in Body Sh@p today trying to find alternative to my Cla4is habit! We shall see! I have found a good alternative to my previous Lanc@me eye make up remover..L'@real one which is the same and a fraction of the price!

Best of luck with the budget. At least you know where it's gone!

Love the response to your OH btw!!:-)

Have you tried Clarks village for B0dy Sh0p supplies? I've just discovered factory outlet villages, never heard of them before Gretna but they're all over the place and have massive discounts I think they had 40% off when you buy 4 products, 30% off 3 products, 20% off 2 products when I had a look in there on friday.

I was very spendy, but I'm back in line now. I'm fine once payday has gone, I can go back to my £50/week, I need to find a way of beating that habit somehow hmmm.

Well I've just ended up in tears on the phone to the OH trying to explain why it's really unfair of him to even suggest moving to Canada for one year. He now sees my point of view, but thinks I've overreacted to something he was just soundboarding with me. My thoughts were, you don't suggest something unless you're contemplating doing it. This has all resulted in he'll go to Canada to do the masters if he can't get any work following his degree, whilst I stay in the UK and save money for us to have a house. That'll give me time to deck out an entire 3 bedroom house that I'm going to rent in Cardiff at the end of this year. Then when I have the deposit for a £200k house saved, I can move the entire contents of the decked out house to the house I've bought and I won't have to do anything to my owned house. I knew there was a reason why I'm making a quilt

Is it a bit mad to be deciding on how different rooms of a house will look before you can afford to have a house? I know that I'll need £20k saved for a 10% deposit on a house, so when I'm debt free this will mean saving £500/month for just over 3yrs, or £600 for just under 3yrs.

OH also said that I plan things 15yrs ahead, no idea where he got that idea from. I'm planning the next 5yrs, if he thinks I won't have a house until I'm 40 he's muchly mistaken. Yessum.

Hi Rosa, no he'd be a student so no income other than the grant to do it with. Which means I'd be the one funding out house deposit by myself. I'm starting to wonder whether our dreams are too far in the wrong direction from each other He really hadn't taken me into consideration when he mentioned the whole masters thing.

PinotGrigio41

Ok, now as usual I am rather behind So this will be a long one .Sorry !!

So......... I'm beginning with Moutnain Climbing ! In the absence of your other half, I hereby nominte myself to climb Ben Nevis with you at Easter , dodgy back and all !! Mr Pinot wont climb mountains with me anymore since I came up with the hairbrained idea that we climb a mountain on our honeymoon, cos I thought it would be fun ! Well it wasnt, it was about 120 degrees, we were in trainers, so hardly prepared, but the thought of the view and the local Shiggedy Shack selling rum punch when we reached the summit spurred me on ! ( We were in the Caribbean , so it wasnt quite Ben Nevis, but bad enough I can tell you !) After battling to the top with our guide who I swear was a mountain goat in disguise, the Damn Shiggedy Shack owner had bloody well gone home taking his rum punch with him, and the view although nice, I could have seen from the balcony of the hotel ! :mad: So, I hereby nominate myself, as a seasoned climber of course, to join you on your maiden Mountain Climbing voyage, in erm 2 days time !!!

On another note........the spends. Here are my thoughts on those whether they are requested or not !! The old me used to have a mad spend about halfway to three quarters of the way through Mr Pinots abscences. I have no idea why, but I think at the point I was getting very fed up by then, the novelty of having some time to myself had gone, the conversations on the phone were becoming hard work ( we always seemed to misunderstand what the other was saying, or thinking that the other person was using a tone of voice that they werent , or showing no interest in something( the quilt perhaps ?!) , that I ended up spending to make myself feel better. Could this be the problem do you think? You are making all these lovely plans for your future but at the moment OH cant be there to share them with you. Just a thought hon !

ZTD - You are a legend, in all my 42 years, I have never understood why boys and girls zips were the opposite way round ! You live and learn !! :rotfl:

RosaBernicia

Hm, sadly neither of you would get a work visa or get to stay then

Muchly amused at man who already knows which masters he may do after degree saying you plan too far ahead. Nobody I knew as a student had that much of a plan

Not sure I have anything helpful to say about whether your dreams fit together but the main thing is you are talking about them so at least you both know what you want and you won't be springing these things on each other later on. (hug)

Rosa xx

ZTD

kerri_dfw wrote: »

Well I've just ended up in tears on the phone to the OH trying to explain why it's really unfair of him to even suggest moving to Canada for one year. He now sees my point of view, but thinks I've overreacted to something he was just soundboarding with me. My thoughts were, you don't suggest something unless you're contemplating doing it.

There are many shades of "contemplating". There are people who share "pie in the sky" ideas without ever meaning it, and there are people who present a fait accompli every time.

Just be thankful he values your opinion enough to run these things past you. You *absolutely* do not want to discourage this by going nuts at him, or anything like that. Otherwise you will end up being blindsided all the time.

kerri_dfw wrote: »

Is it a bit mad to be deciding on how different rooms of a house will look before you can afford to have a house?

You need to rein your ambitions back. Unless you are absolutely filthy rich, a house will be a compromise - what you like best from all the houses you can afford, that were available at the time you were looking.

If you're dead set on a particular look, you'd be best off getting an idea about the work and cost involved in changing the look of any given room.

Fantasising about a colonial staircase which splits to feed two landings isn't going to work when all you can afford is a terraced house in Cardiff.

kerri_dfw wrote: »

OH also said that I plan things 15yrs ahead, no idea where he got that idea from. I'm planning the next 5yrs, if he thinks I won't have a house until I'm 40 he's muchly mistaken. Yessum.

People have different time horizons. Some people are planners, and some people are spontaneous.

kerri_dfw wrote: »

Hi Rosa, no he'd be a student so no income other than the grant to do it with. Which means I'd be the one funding out house deposit by myself. I'm starting to wonder whether our dreams are too far in the wrong direction from each other He really hadn't taken me into consideration when he mentioned the whole masters thing.

He was thinking he'd be unemployed, and so would be best off trying to get extra qualifications to make him more employable. Sometimes this works, but really, he needs that elusive experience.

ZTD

PinotGrigio41 wrote: »

ZTD - You are a legend,

Like Will Smith?

PinotGrigio41 wrote: »

in all my 42 years, I have never understood why boys and girls zips were the opposite way round ! You live and learn !! :rotfl:

I think his legend was a bit more impressive...

RosaBernicia

ZTD wrote: »

There are many shades of "contemplating". There are people who share "pie in the sky" ideas without ever meaning it, and there are people who present a fait accompli every time.

Just be thankful he values your opinion enough to run these things past you. You *absolutely* do not want to discourage this by going nuts at him, or anything like that. Otherwise you will end up being blindsided all the time.

...

People have different time horizons. Some people are planners, and some people are spontaneous.

Kerri, you might be interested in this site if you haven't read personality type stuff before? (The MBTI work is properly research based.) I keep this book on my shelf at work to remind me how to communicate with people who Just See Things Differently (I'm highly intuitive and happily bounce ideas anywhere backwards and forwards between A and Z, and work surrounded by analytical types who [STRIKE]insist on traipsing[/STRIKE] like to work logically through A, B, C, etc. The authors also have a relationships version (sadly I haven't got to properly try out that one yet).

Rosa xx

kerri_dfw

Mrs P - Ah ha a mountain climbing partner unfortunately, or fortunately however you see it, it's snowed in Scotland so I think it's faaar too dangerous for us to climb the Ben Nevis. Also I'm a bit fluey, so I'm spending the weekend recovering. Summertime though, if you're up for it, when the snow has gone and we're not likely to die then we can arrange it
I think you are right on the spends though, it was a mahoosive splurge, but I've not overspent I'm still within my monthly amount, although I could have paid off more debt had I not bought the nice things. I've stopped being cross with the OH and realised that there are things that he's interested in that I think are boring, and so it's reasonable to think that the OH is going to find things I'm interested in are boring That's why we're different
I've also realised that I'm making these plans to make a lovely home and I think it's because I want an incentive for him not to leave again.

Rosa - I was quite upset last night and thinking quite irrationally. Today I've been more proactive and done some research for him. I've found job descriptions for the job he'll probably have to go for when he graduates, and job descriptions for his dream job of A.I researcher. The latter has more criteria that needs to be fulfilled, things like statistics, 5yrs experience, other complicated computer related stuff I've no idea what it means. Then I've written a document that details what he needs to do to get there I think he's appreciated it as well as he's started a blog upon my recommendation. I'll speak to him later about it. I reckon if he does some of what I suggested then he might not need to do a masters as he'll start to get industry experience that the youngsters don't have

Thank you for the personality information his way of thinking is great for when we go on holidays or have nothing to do for the weekend, but my way of thinking is good for efficiently getting to goals that we want to achieve. I do have a spontaneous side, but I am a very logical thinker whereas he is probably a bit more like you, he lives for the now. I think the combination of both our personalities is what makes us great though, you can't plan your life away but you also can't not plan for the future. He brings me back down to earth, and I make sure we're going to be ok.

Z - I think you misunderstood, I'm not planning on how the house is going to look as in fixtures. More a case of the curtains, the towels, the cushions, and the bedding. Things that can be moved from house to house easily, and will fit into any size of house The actual layout of the house is something I'd choose with my OH. But it's the girly touches that I'm planning in my head. I think it's more that when I move at the end of the year, I want to move to a home rather than just another rental.

What have I done today then, well I've had a NSD. I used £3 luncheon voucher to buy a sarnie and didn't have crisps or a drink today. I have £16 of luncheon vouchers remaining from the £30 we were given for our lunch this week I've also written up a document for the OH as previously mentioned, with a plan for him so he can gain industry experience by bidding on freelance jobs making the most of his time before he graduates.

I've also updated my spending spreadsheet to include the £20 oyster topup, £32.08 on Appr0ved F0od order from yesterday, my rent payment and future payments too I've made another daily payment of £1 to the credit card, looking at my budget I should definitely be able to keep this up.

I've also received £40 from my housemate for some gardening bits I bought her on Monday as well as two weeks worth of veg boxes. She's going away to Canada this week to find a wedding venue, her finance is Canadian and due to inheritance tax they need to get married there before they get married over here.

I'm going to be saving money this weekend by not going down to the parents, this means I don't have to pay petrol costs, or any other expenses like coffee/lunch out. I'm feeling a bit rundown, so decided it wasn't fair on my nephews to make them ill. I'm quite looking forward to spending some time up the allotment tending to my onions & garlic. I've found I'm absolutely fascinated by growing plants, it's amazing seeing life growing and knowing that it's because of me I've planted some seeds and completely forgotten what's in the pots oops! It'll be a surprise though haha! The carrots? I planted today have already started to sprout having been given a little drop of water, it's amAzing! I've just gone over to check on them, there's one little sprout guy pocking out of the soil bless it, I wish I knew what it was.

Oh and tomorrow I'm going to sit down with the iBook and read through all the lovely diaries that I've been missing. It's been so long now that I need to sit down and read them like I would a book

RosaBernicia

kerri_dfw wrote: »

Rosa - I was quite upset last night and thinking quite irrationally. Today I've been more proactive and done some research for him. I've found job descriptions for the job he'll probably have to go for when he graduates, and job descriptions for his dream job of A.I researcher. The latter has more criteria that needs to be fulfilled, things like statistics, 5yrs experience, other complicated computer related stuff I've no idea what it means. Then I've written a document that details what he needs to do to get there I think he's appreciated it as well as he's started a blog upon my recommendation. I'll speak to him later about it. I reckon if he does some of what I suggested then he might not need to do a masters as he'll start to get industry experience that the youngsters don't have

Really sensible - a masters proves that you could do it, experience proves you have, and unless you really need the academic quals then it's a huge expense and opportunity cost. (I was really jealous of the 20-somethings on my course who were getting to do it full time and go to all the extra lectures and stuff... until one of them confessed they all thought the part-timers were scarily competent and determined and had fabulous jobs already so why were we there! (Funnily enough I ran into two of my classmates at a meeting a couple of weeks ago, I had no idea they worked there - was mortified when my boss started telling them that they should talk to me about the new national project they were interested in as I'm on the management team :eek::o... especially as I got that work by other skills without any reference to the MSc!:rotfl:))

kerri_dfw wrote: »

Thank you for the personality information his way of thinking is great for when we go on holidays or have nothing to do for the weekend, but my way of thinking is good for efficiently getting to goals that we want to achieve. I do have a spontaneous side, but I am a very logical thinker whereas he is probably a bit more like you, he lives for the now. I think the combination of both our personalities is what makes us great though, you can't plan your life away but you also can't not plan for the future. He brings me back down to earth, and I make sure we're going to be ok.

:T :T

Rosa xx