Finally reaching out for some help...

kerri_dfw

You lot really are the voices that I need thank you all so much. I've learnt so much from these boards and writing everything down is definitely helping sort out where I have been going wrong, especially the ridiculous amount spent on food =|
I'm going to stop enabling my loved ones. Although if my sister decides not to pay me one month because she's decided she can't afford anything that month then there's not a lot I can do. But I will write off that money and if I get it then I get it. However, I have devised a good plan. I am going to stop telling OH how much I've "saved" in my annual expenses pot, so he doesn't know I have any spare cash. Then just tell him how I've overpaid each month and exaggerate how skint I am. That way, if he runs out of cash at the end of term that's his fault. He'll have to learn to budget or get a job. I did 28hrs a week when I was at uni and came out with a 2:1, so no reason why he couldn't do that too.

As for my sister, I can't afford to lend her any money. She called me this week complaining that I hadn't posted my nephews birthday card. Why waste a stamp when I can take it down with me this coming weekend? His birthday present, although late, has only cost me £3 but I won't be telling her that. I'll also emphasize to her that I'm really skint and won't run her around here and there using up my petrol when I'm down at the parents.

This is the year for being cruel to be kind I think, I'm doing it for myself and £10 lent to someone is £10 + interest that I have to pay to a creditor. So many LBMs recently haha. Glad you lot don't mind me having a rant. I do try to take what you all say onboard I'm eating after 8 mints and watching Sherlock ep 2 season 2

PinotGrigio41

Hi Kerri

Just been catching up on your diary ! You are such a sweety ,but I'm afraid I agree with everything that's been said to you. You really need to start looking out for number 1. I was similar to you, filling families cupboards with food , buying them lovely things simply because i wanted to please them and make them happy and help them"..............but the reality is you can't and shouldn't. Take a look at my signature...........that should be a big enough warning to anybody !

The After eights sound yummy and I'm hoping you are enjoying Sherlock this evening!

debtfreewannabe321

kerri_dfw wrote: »

. However, I have devised a good plan. I am going to stop telling OH how much I've "saved" in my annual expenses pot, so he doesn't know I have any spare cash. Then just tell him how I've overpaid each month and exaggerate how skint I am. That way, if he runs out of cash at the end of term that's his fault. He'll have to learn to budget or get a job. I did 28hrs a week when I was at uni and came out with a 2:1, so no reason why he couldn't do that too.


This is the year for being cruel to be kind I think, I'm doing it for myself and £10 lent to someone is £10 + interest that I have to pay to a creditor. So many LBMs recently haha. Glad you lot don't mind me having a rant. I do try to take what you all say onboard I'm eating after 8 mints and watching Sherlock ep 2 season 2

:beer: totally agree! Get OH out to the workhouse! That's what being a student is all about I managed to have 2 babies, commute 68 miles every day & hold down a 15 hour a week job and also come out with a 2:1 ...........but then us women are very good at multi-tasking :rotfl:

xx

Cherryjack

Well done Kerri :-) thats the way. Stay as lovely as you are, just dont let people know the true situation.. if your doing well and saving this is your business. It perfectly fine in the future for you to take your nephew and little ones to the cinema etc for treats.. You will be surprised if your sister thinks your in a bad way you will be helping her to stand on her own.. if she gets into debt she will learn (thats how we all ended up here).. same with my children, i will teach them all i can in the future and prepare them.. but if they get into debt afterwards then they will need to learn how to get out of it.. that way they will be able to fend for themselfs in the big bad world xx Good Luck xx

kerri_dfw

Small update as I'm in work... 5 items have £1 bids on them, 18 have watches.
Just been told new job starts 13th Feb so will hand notice in on Friday, hoping I don't lose my bonus because of this though but if I do then it was only something extra and new job is definitely worth it.
Just paid another £10 to Freemans, I have £30 I could spend but wanted to have £20 emergency.
Still have £18 in my purse so I don't need to take out £20 this week. Although £10 will be spent on a work climbing evening tomorrow night but I shouldn't need to spend anything more.

brizzledfw

You go girl..well done on reaching this point..you can't keep on bailing others out..particularly when they show no desire to stand on their own two feet.

Best of luck with eBay

kerri_dfw

OH has just phoned to say he has had confirmation that he is definitely going to Canada for 4 months and he starts there on the 1st March. This means he'll be leaving on the 24th February. He asked if I'll be going to visit him, but this will depend on the project work with the new job. Really hoping I can go out to see him as 4 months is a very long time when the longest apart is 3 weeks. We have a 150 mile relationship, but not being able to hop in the car to see him will be a bit of a strain. Although, there is a part of me that is hoping work takes over and I can't go out there as we all know I can't afford £600+ flights plus travel money with the current state of my finances. I might mention it to my new manager in case there's any project work that could tie in with the time OH is out there but it'll be a long shot.

I should get my offer letter this week which will confirm how much my salary is going to be. I think it's going to be £26,500 with bonus points. This is a drop from my current £35,000 salary but the bonus points can be used towards medical, dental, extra holiday etc, or take-home at 89p per point. From recollection I think I had 6-8000 points last time and this made my annual salary up from £23,500 to £32,000. I know it seems like I'm taking a big drop in salary, but the points really do make the difference, plus all travel will be expensed when going to client sites which makes a mahoosive difference. I also will be able to expense lunch, coffees etc so will buy my lunch and therefore cut down from 1 veg box a week to 1 a fortnight halving my food budget Best of all is I will get to work from home somedays, so homemade food and I can visit family mid-week instead of weekends so I will get my weekends back. Although family will have to tolerate me working. Ooh and the best bit of all.... work laptop! I will have a spacebar again haha. I'm really excited about this new job, but fearing handing in notice to this place as I really don't think my manager likes me very much and I don't think he's seeing it coming. Also looking forward to working with my old colleagues and doing something I love again.

No idea where this CK delivery is, CK emailed to say they're refunding the full amount and that the delivery has arrived. Funnily enough it still hasn't and no couriers have arrived today. Hmpfh! This will teach me for buying fabric in the sale, never ever again! When the refund comes through I'm putting it straight towards Freemans. I not far away from being 25% paid and I want to get there before next payday preferably.

I'm going to go for a run this evening, I want to stop using the car to drive to the station. Although it's a lovely view from Alexandra Palace, it takes 10mins to drive there at 20mph limits and 10mins to drive back. So I will put the car on a street I know to be free parking for the week, then do my run from the car back to my house. This should be a good 3 mile run and there's lots of up hill.

As I write this I've just had my offer come through, annual salary £26,816 with 28 days holiday inclusive of bank holidays. No idea about my points yet but will surely find out soon enough. Really excited

Update: just told my sister I start Feb 13th and she's asked if I have any holiday I can take for tiny baby cuddles (she's due verrry soon). She fails to see why I can't afford 1 day off. That one day will cost me about £90-£100. ARGH it's not all about her!!!

hadahardyear

hey Kerry congrats on the new job. Seems a fortune to lose though but suppose you can't put a price on happiness.
Can I ask what veg boxes are? i always see you talking about them and don't have a clue x

kerri_dfw

I hadahardyear veg boxes are boxes of organic vegetables that are delivered to my house once a week. I pay between £11 - £15 a week for them and they normally have 7-8 types of veg in. It works out cheaper than buying from the shop and the veg is lush.
New job seems like a big cut, but should work out about the same take home pay once the bonus points have been converted into cash

I'm really annoyed at the moment so going to make this a brief one. Was really looking forward to putting my feet up and eating After 8 mints, but turns out my housemates dogs have managed to get into my room and eaten them! Called my housemate who says they haven't been in here, however my door was shut when I came in so she must know they've been in. Then went in the kitchen to be greeted by a £133 electricity bill and a £117 gas bill for 3rd December - 3 January, less than impressed and I have no idea where the meters are to work out if this is accurate or not. Ended up getting really stressed about it all and telling the OH I can't speak to him now as I'm too annoyed to speak. I'll call him later when I've found the meters, or my housemate has come home and shown me where they are. I can't afford to pay £100 a month on gas and electricity, especially when 6hrs a day I'm asleep and 10hrs a day I'm at work. It seems extortionately high, although it is just estimates.

Argh and now my sister is trying to get me to use my remaining holiday 1-2 days to see her newborn child who isn't even born yet. I worked out it's £134 before tax per day, she can go jump!

ZTD

kerri_dfw wrote: »

Update: just told my sister I start Feb 13th and she's asked if I have any holiday I can take for tiny baby cuddles (she's due verrry soon). She fails to see why I can't afford 1 day off. That one day will cost me about £90-£100.

It's because it isn't costing her. It's costing you instead. And obviously you'll feel obliged to bring a present or something, or run her around somewhere. More win for her, more lose for you.

She actually doesn't fail to see at all why you can't afford to. She just knows from past experience that if she pushes and pushes, you'll buckle. Your cost is not her problem.

Of course if it was costing *her*, she'd be telling you that you were the spawn of Satan's sweaty incontinence underwear for even having the thought of a day off.

kerri_dfw wrote: »

ARGH it's not all about her!!!

For her it is.