Conveying Love to Child

colli

my parents have never said they love me but I've never, ever doubted they do. Our relationship is a loving one based on what we do and how we treat each other, not what we say. In fact I think if my dad called right now to say he loved me I'd probably think he had a terminal illness :rotfl:

Alikay

I fostered two children who were abused and neglected by their family, but oddly were told "I love you" all the time - seriously, several times an hour when they were being interacted with! Obviously the words had become very cheap and the treatment of the children did nothing whatsoever to back up the parents' words.

During the lengthy period we had them with us, we didn't say we loved them very frequently - perhaps a couple of times a day when they asked. We said it in different ways though "you're very precious", "we're always here for you", "it's SO important to me that you're safe and happy". When we did say the words spontaneously we always used it to back up an action... such as if they were poorly in the night, we'd tell them we didn't mind getting up to them because we loved them, or dropping them at school or nursery "you know I'll be picking you up later because I love you and would never forget you"

IMO actions speak louder than words with conveying love to a child, and "those 3 words" can be over rated.

Gleek

Kermit99 wrote: »

I'm very ashamed to say that I've never told my son that I love him, well not that I remember. I was brought up by my parents and they never told me they loved me during my childhood, in fact I can't remember them telling each other they loved each other although I'm sure they did. It was only when my father died that my mum told me she loved me and I found it uncomfortable and felt so awkward.

My mum was exactly the same (and I am the same age as your son).

It was only 8 years ago when my father passed away that we have forged a real close relationship - before then I was a real daddy's girl and was a lot closer to him. It was only when he'd passed away that she told me she loved me for the first time. Her father (& my grandfather) was/is not a nice man and was very abusive to both my gran (very lovely nice woman who'd do anything for anyone) and my mum both physically and emotionally - problems with him that have continued and passed through to myself and my brother and made a lot harder now that he has a diagnosis of Vascular Dementia.


Thankfully now we are a lot closer (too close at times :rotfl: ) so it can be changed - it just takes work and time and I'm sure your son doesn't hold it against you in the slightest, some people just show love in different ways.

ETA: I should say, I know my mum always loved me by everything she did and how we were - it's just harder for some people to say and I'm sure your son knows that too

POPPYOSCAR

balletshoes wrote: »

if you really want to say the words to your son, just practice saying them out loud, over and over, until you can say them comfortably out loud and not feel strange doing it.

I don't remember my parents ever telling me they loved me (or each other) but I always felt their love. I did used to struggle saying the words to other adults (my siblings, my parents, my OH even) but have never had a problem telling my child I love her. I don't know why that is, I can't explain it.

This is the same for me with the exception of my OH, we say we love each other all the time.

I always cuddle my own children and friends. I always greet other family and friends with a cuddle and a kiss but not my parents or siblings. I suppose because we did not do this as children.

I never told my parents I loved them and have never told my siblings I love them either, but my own family I do.

sapphireeye

I think as a lot of people have said, actions speak louder than words. My parents had never told me they loved me until recently and my dad still never has, it's not in his nature. Our family are very close but my parents aren't the touchy feely kind and though as children we would kiss them goodnight we've never really spent time having hugs or cuddles, however this changed for me when I moved out to go to university. I think they realised that it was more important for me to know when I was away and not with them and so my mum has occasionally started saying it and they will always hug me when I leave them again. However because it's never been done it does feel a bit awkward and it does feel like a big deal to all of a sudden start saying it.

However I'm sure your son doesn't doubt your love. My dad barely ever hugs me, never says I love you but I know he misses me when I'm away and apparently he cried all the way home when they dropped me off to university for the first time (my mum told me this) so I know he does. Though if my mum didn't tell me all this I might not be so sure!

morocha

I am 27 and my parents really never told me they loved me or hugged me for the matter. So when they did, it felt unconfortable, i just wanted them to stop, like unnatural.
Funny thing in our culture, we kiss and hug often, so i was used to that with my friends, just not my parents. My Oh had a different upbringing.. His mum telling them she loved them, so when our daughter was born, he told her i love you all the time, he does every day, i made myself say it from early months, and it feels normal now.

big5

My parents didn't say "I love you" much when I was growing up, but I knew they did love me, so it didn't seem like it was an issue. When I was at university, one of my flatmates would always end her phone calls home by saying "I love you mum/dad" and it made me feel a bit weird because I didn't say that to mine. We do lots of hugs and kisses and will write love and xxx's in cards/texts/emails, etc, but if I said "I love you mum/dad" out of the blue they'd probably think I was after something.

BugglyB

Why not start off with things that are easier to say, like, I'm proud of you?

meeps

My mum and I don't really say it, though I think it popped out when she'd been in hospital and I talked to her afterwards as it had freaked me out! -I'd be another one who thought something was up if she started saying it now!

I think I'd cheat and use the grandchild as a go between to make it a bit easier, eg saying goodbye to them on the phone, the kind of 'love you, big kisses' kind of thing that comes easier saying to little ones, and add asking them to give their dad big kisses as you love him too.

My 7 year old finishes chats with all his grandparents with 'ok, love you, byeeee' and those he talks to often are used to it and say 'love you too', he did it to my mum the other day and she got all tangled up.

georgiesmum

Don't really understand the need to tell anyone that you love them all the time. Surely actions speak louder than words. I have never said it to my son and daughters, but we all know we love each other to bits. I do tell them I'm proud of them when the occasion warrents it. I never heard it when i was a child,I wouldn't have known how to respond,but never felt unloved. This is a recent thing, families just didn't get soppy years ago. You know when you are loved.
Your son will undoubtedly feel embarrassed if you say it straight out. If you must make it jokingly.