Conveying Love to Child

make_me_wise

Actions speak far louder than words in my opinion. I was brought up with people constantly telling me they loved me. Some backed this up by the way they treated me. Others said it and they seemed like empty words because they hardly saw me or had much interest in what I was doing etc etc.

Your son is 26 and you still have a good relationship with him, so he must know deep down that you do love him. I bet you have shown him this a million times over and maybe not even been aware of doing so.

You can show people love in so many ways, be there as a sounding board, offer any help and support that you can. Help out with day to day stuff if it can help relieve some pressure. If saying I love you is hard can you write it down? Maybe in a note, just saying how proud you are of him and of how he is coping and that you are there for him 100% if he needs you.

The one person who rarely told me he loved me was my dad. He showed me he loved me every day, just hardly ever said it. If ever I am in schtuk he is the one I turn to because I know he is straightforward, unemotional and thinks very logically. There is alot to be said for not being a mushy type who says 'I love you' loads.

Cherry_Bomb

Do you think he needs to hear it?

I only ask because if it's not something that you normally say it could be quite uncomfortable for both of you.

My mum is exactly the same and I know if she said it me at the end of a phone call or in a letter, even a text I wouldn't really know what to do with it! It would be very awkward between us I'm sure.

Lunar_Eclipse

My parents have never told me they love me and I'm incredibly hurt and very angry that they've never said it. I just can't begin to understand it, having children myself. On a positive, it is why I tell my children I love them every day, when they leave for school in the morning and again last thing at night.

I know it's hard to say if you're not used to it, but I'd encourage you to bite the bull by the horns and tell him the next time you see/speak to him - even saying something like 'I want you to know that I love you in case the unspeakable happens' type comment.

Spendless

My parents have never said it to me nor my IL's to my husband though we frequently tell our kids we love them. Personally I think it's a generation thing.

Decluttering

Me and my parents don't say it very often but I'm not in any doubt that they love me. I think if you choose to say it the first time will be the most awkward. Personally though I don't think being so vocal about that sort of thing is for everyone.

Cat2011

My parents have never verbally told me they love me (just written "love from Dad" in an email). But I still know that they love me (I'm 28). If you want to say it, perhaps follow the suggestions already of saying "love you" at the end of a phone call, or write a note saying how you're proud of how he dealt with his difficult time and you love him very much etc. He might find it awkward, but I think he'll be very glad you've said it.

mrs_marty

Dont worry about never saying it I do not recall until I became an adult (I am 33) ever hearing the words "I love you" or "Iam proud of you" very much, however I know my parents love me dearly. Actions spoke louder than the words. My mum always puts a lot of thought into meaningful cards for birthday and christmas.

Don't get me wrong we all need to hear the words from time to time but I honestly think that is something we have gotten better at as generations have passed. Find your own way to say I love you, as my mum does a well thought through card will start you on the right road

Humphrey10

I don't remember my parents telling me they loved me, they probably did when I was a young child I guess, but they haven't recently, they don't need to - I know they love me, and they know I love them.
I'd find it very odd if they started telling me they loved me out of the blue, I'd wonder why they had suddenly started saying it.

skintchick

My Dad has never said he loves me and I spent many years believing that he didn't. Just bite the bullet and say it to your son, maybe a letter to begin with, but try to actually say it too.

It is so easy to assume that people know he we feel, but it's not always the case.

I tell my DD all the time, as does my OH (although he rarely tells me!) and she is just 2 and already tells us she loves us loads of times a day. I think being open about emotions and feelings is the best thing you can do in a family.

LadyMorticia

I was never told that I was loved as a child. I was a child who wanted love and attention from my family and to meet their approval but nothing I could ever do was good enough for them.

I don't think that my parents have ever told me that they've loved me and I grew up believing they didn't, and I still believe they don't.

I don't want to mollycoddle any children I do have, but I certainly won't be like my parents were with me. I'll let them know how much they are loved.

I'm not saying that any parents who didn't/don't tell their children that they love them are bad parents as I know it doesn't come naturally to some people, but my childhood was full of abuse, hence my opinion.