trapped and so bloody unhappy

POPPYOSCAR

I have read your first post again and it seems to contradict itself.

You say you cannot break up for the sake of your daughter but you also go on to say you could not survive on the money you have, why are you even thinking along those lines then? Is is that you are thinking how you will live if you break up when she is older? I am just a bit confused by this.

Mrs_De_Bris

affordmylife wrote: »

he will say he is unhappy because he hates our family pet whom our daughter and i love and that is why he is miserable. he is such a spoilt child wanting his own way. its a dog !!!!!! and we have had it 6 years x

and thank you all for your very kind replies x

Why does he hate a dog that you have had in your family for 6 years? Is he jealous of the affection the dog gets? Just a thought, my OH was a little jealous of my dog when we first got together - sounds daft I know.

If you cannot leave than you owe it to yourself to try and make it work or you are going to be miserable for a long long time. Why not try going out on some dates, just you and him? Perhaps seek external help from Relate as others have suggested. Would he go along with something like that?

Sorry you are in this situation, it must be truly awful for you x

affordmylife

in the early years of our relationship (around 8/9 years) i absolutely worshipped him.

i suppose what im saying that i get nothing from this relationship so that is why its hard. i compromise all the time for the sake of our daughter.

i would never bother to have another relationship because it is too much like hard work. at the moment a relationship = hardwork = nothing to make me happy.

pinkshoes

I think you and your OH definitely need to go to counselling.

I would sit down with him, tell him how you feel, and tell him that the two of you go for counselling to get to the bottom of the grumpiness and unhappiness, or it's over.

There's nothing like an ultimatum to sort a situation out!

You never know, after counselling, you might end up finding that spark again!

POPPYOSCAR

Just remember the old saying 'Life is not a dress rehearsal'.
Don't let the years disappear being miserable.

CH27

affordmylife wrote: »

in the early years of our relationship (around 8/9 years) i absolutely worshipped him.

i suppose what im saying that i get nothing from this relationship so that is why its hard. i compromise all the time for the sake of our daughter.

i would never bother to have another relationship because it is too much like hard work. at the moment a relationship = hardwork = nothing to make me happy.

What do you put into the relationship?

balletshoes

affordmylife wrote: »

in the early years of our relationship (around 8/9 years) i absolutely worshipped him.

i suppose what im saying that i get nothing from this relationship so that is why its hard. i compromise all the time for the sake of our daughter.

i would never bother to have another relationship because it is too much like hard work. at the moment a relationship = hardwork = nothing to make me happy.

so can you remember what it was about him that you worshipped?

whitewing

Does he hate the dog because it disrupts his sleep during the day? If so, then I would definitely get rid of it.

Is it working nights that is making your husband miserable, ie genuine biological reason. Could he move to days?

System

whitewing wrote: »

Does he hate the dog because it disrupts his sleep during the day? If so, then I would definitely get rid of it.

Is it working nights that is making your husband miserable, ie genuine biological reason. Could he move to days?

Sorry but the above really annoyed me, the child has had the dog for 6 years, you can't just get rid...and even if they did? the parents would still not be communicating, they would still be miserable, they would still be living in a 'non relationship' because neither of them will do anything about it, still eventually split up ...and the kid would also have lost her dog and quite probably resent both parents for it!

MarilynMonroe_2

I would get him to write down everything that he feels could be changed/improved on and you do the same ...see if you can come up with some changes to your life as it sounds like youre in a bit of a rut ... it doesnt sound like there's no hope ... you are making excuses as to why you can't leave him, I think if you felt in your heart of hearts that you wanted to go you would be coming up with reasons why you need to go.

Also are you sure he is miserable and it's not just his face cos I get told to cheer up and I SWEAR it's just my natural face! I just look naturally miserable