Spill the beans..

plzhelpmesave!

We celebrate eid twice a year and have started giving eid pressies to the kids, but we keep it cheap and cheerful, and to what we can afford.

This year we took our 3 children to theme parks for their big eid presents - cost about £120 for all 5 of us. I then bought smaller individual pressies, still less than £10 each (tesco toy sale!), and their new clothes which cost under £20 per child for a full outfit on the day.

Like many others, I think any occassion (birthday, easter, chrismtas, eid) where children get presents, should be about giving the children a good time and creating happy and lasting memories for them. I personally am against the commercial and comeptitive attitude towards present giving, where the monetary value of what people have beeng given is seen as being important.

I love my kids, and do my best to give them presents that they will like, use and be grateful for - without spending massive amounts of money. Never spent more than £60 on a birthday (usually less than £30).

Lunar_Eclipse

pinklipy wrote: »

Also if you spend £200 on each child and they get 10 gifts each and I spend £500-£600 and my child gets 10 then surely your children are just as "spoiled" as mine?

An interesting way of looking at it, but I'd say no, because your daughter would be receiving gifts that are three times the price on average.

I have no issue in what anyone spends on their children at Xmas so think it's entirely up to you what you do, but I do think you are kidding yourself if you think your daughter isn't spoilt. Most children (& adults) are spoilt these days. I'm curious as to what you would call spoilt, if you don't think it's spending £500-600 on a 4 year old for Christmas.

As an aside, I'm sure you're happy with the way you're doing things, but if not, I don't think your child is too old to change things. In fact, the timing's perfect, before no2 arrives and peer comparisons kick in. I think you could easily come down to half a sofa (quarter even) on Xmas morning without any tears. Do you really think she remembers last year that clearly?

miss_renegade

we've spent about £100 on our 3 year old this xmas. She gets spoilt by the rest of the family so we don't need to go mad. her main present cos about £40 and the rest are games etc. She'll be getting a new tv off her nanna and a leap pad from her great gran so it'd be silly spending loads!!

pinklipy

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

An interesting way of looking at it, but I'd say no, because your daughter would be receiving gifts that are three times the price on average.

Yes, she may get more expensive gifts but at 4 she doesn't have a clue how much her gifts cost so in that way I think its the same.
I really don't think she is spoiled as she gets told no to other things she asks for throughout the year so she knows she doesn't get everything she asks for. I really don't see the problem in buying your children a lot at Christmas, I enjoy spending my money on her and feel great on Xmas day when she gets everything she asks for, it's only 1 day after all and I'm not going to try and teach her a big lesson in life regarding ££ at this age. She has all the time in the world to learn the value of things, in my opinion.

You are correct though in that this will probably be the last year in which she gets the full £600 solely on her so maby I have spent a bit more this year as it's her last Xmas as an only child. I won't cut it drastically next year but probably around £350 and I will probably shop more wisely :-).

determined_new_ms

wow I'm amazed by how much some of the children on this thread get! Am trying hard not to be affected by peer pressure now & not up my budget! My kids are 19 ds & 17 dd (she is 18 on 20th Dec) and my budget for them is £100 each. I'm thinking I might give them the cash to buy what they want with & I will get them a stocking each for maybe £30ish. The budget was actually £180 each but both of them owed some money earlier in the year so I agreed I would pay it but it would be early xmas gift - I hope they remember this on xmas day!

My dds birthday I have £400 as its her 18th & I did the same for ds last year. Now they are both "adults" I will spend £100 each for birthdays & xmas after this year but probably more again when they turn 21 if my budget allows.

This year after paying off our debts last Oct (2010) I discovered minimalism and am ever trying to give up capitalism but it is always hard! Merry xmas!

pinklipy

Lunar eclipse:
Again you are right, I doubt she remembers last Christmas at all and if she came down to half a couch (my couch's are massive anyway) she probably wouldn't even notice. But imagine if she did or got upset or I had missed out 1 toy that she really wanted, I'd feel so guilty that it'd ruin Christmas.
I know that sounds silly and you will all be rolling your eyes but that's how I feel :-(.

Lunar_Eclipse

pinklipy wrote: »

[Yes, she may get more expensive gifts but at 4 she doesn't have a clue how much her gifts cost so in that way I think its the same.

I'm not going to try and teach her a big lesson in life regarding ££ at this age. She has all the time in the world to learn the value of things, in my opinion.

Yes, you're right, although because she is unaware of monetary value, you're sort of missing a trick.;) By the time they get to secondary school, their tastes seem to become much more expensive, to a greater or lesser degree depending on peer wealth and family income/lifestyle.

I do agree with you that Christmas is just one day (& not about gifts) but I also think that the years fly by so quickly, that it's never too young to start any (subconscious even) life lessons. We started giving them our girls weekly pocket money when eldest turned 5 (& youngest was 3) when they started to ask for things when we were out and about ('please can I have a magazine Mummy?') and thus facilitate their financial education. By the time DD2 was 6, she was saving for a Wii. She saved almost all money she received for 9 months, at which point we stepped in and helped her with the final push. Her focus and determination was quite impressive.

Xaniwoop

pinklipy wrote: »

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

An interesting way of looking at it, but I'd say no, because your daughter would be receiving gifts that are three times the price on average.

Yes, she may get more expensive gifts but at 4 she doesn't have a clue how much her gifts cost so in that way I think its the same.

I agree with this, I'm very much at the bottom end of the price scale (£60 each for those who don't want to go back and check ) but my girls still have nearly 30 presents each to unwrap! and that doesn't include the stocking which is another 14 before sweeties

So in my opinion they are being spoilt as they have no idea how much it cost or where it's from (they are 2 and 5) just that they have been given a shedload of stuff.

I am trying to counteract this by constantly reminding them of the true meaning of Christmas (that God showed his love with an amazing gift for everyone), helping them to make up the shoeboxes and choose gifts for local children in care, to understand that they are lucky and should be grateful and try to share their good fortune. As well as thoughtful gifts for family, thank you cards and lots of joyous but non material activities.

Its a hard balance to help them grow into kind, thoughtful and appreciative adults whilst really wanting to make their little faces light up on Christmas morning (and not to fall again when they hear what others had that they didn't) and I think that all of us as parents are doing our best to preserve that balance as best we can whether we spend a little or a lot.

Lunar_Eclipse

pinklipy wrote: »

Lunar eclipse:
Again you are right, I doubt she remembers last Christmas at all and if she came down to half a couch (my couch's are massive anyway) she probably wouldn't even notice. But imagine if she did or got upset or I had missed out 1 toy that she really wanted, I'd feel so guilty that it'd ruin Christmas.
I know that sounds silly and you will all be rolling your eyes but that's how I feel :-(.

I totally understand how you feel and am putting a hindsight spin on my posts, because I'm incredibly surprised at how accepting children are. Seriously, you could give her an amazing Christmas for £100. Our actions set their expectations.

Anyhow, I also wondered how would you feel if you filled half a couch and she was ungrateful? I'll be honest and say that I would be very disappointed in my child (& how I'd raised her) if that happened.

I might have been lucky, but neither of mine have ever commented on what they didn't receive for Christmas. However, I may have helped this by not making a big deal about what to buy (them) or pestering them for a list of what they want, as some of my friends do. If we don't make it a big deal about presents, then it removes some of the pressure and possibly any disappointment (?) I will casually ask them, probably only once, in the run up to Xmas, if there was anything they were (secretly) hoping for. We have always written letters to Santa at bedtime on Xmas Eve (as I did as a child) and when we started, I encouraged them to wish him a good journey, ask after the reindeer etc, not to write 'Dear Santa, here's a list of what I want ...' They're really good and ask for things like a 'chocolate orange, sweets, a book and some surprises!' Youngest has often written the contents of the latest TV ads on hers, but whenever we've bought these things, they're often not the items she plays with throughout the year. A furby springs to mind!

pinklipy

LunarEclipse
I totally agree with your post and you sound very "worldly" if you know what I mean lol! I think my mind works overtime and deep down I don't think for minute she would notice half a couch worth of gifts or get upset or ask why she didn't get something and if she did I would then think she was spoiled. But I still can't help myself..... One side of me thinks "right that's enough she can't get everything she wants" etc, then the other side says "but she's only a baby (I know she's 4 lol) why shouldn't she get everything, she's a child it's Xmas" and the latter always wins.
I don't think I want her to have to think about ££ and it's values so early, as again I don't know what her future holds and she may spend a big part of it worrying so I'd rather prolong that. All a bit dramatic I know, blame it on pregnancy hormones :-).

Side note: I think that's lovely your santa note (might steal that) and your children asking for a chocolate orange etc, I blame the adverts for my daughter asking for every toy advertised lol!