Cant believe Ive fallen out with my lovely friend

Acc72

January20 wrote: »

Please re-read the first post - carefully - and you will see I make no assumption. To help you: "To cut a long story short at the back end of Aug a good friend of mine asked my child if she could attend an event and I had already said she couldnt. I felt like she had gone behind my back really as she had already asked me twice if my child could take part in this particular event and I had said she was unable to"

Thank you for the clarification.

However, I would like to understand the context from the OP before making any assumption.

January20

Acc72 wrote: »

Thank you for the clarification.

However, I would like to understand the context from the OP before making any assumption.

What do you mean? That you want to know what she didn't want her dd to take part into? It doesn't matter really does it? She didn't want her dd to do it, told her friend twice, friend still asked dd. What else do you need to know?

I don't make assumptions by the way. I read a post carefully and then write a post with my opinion.

cjj_2

Thanks again for all your help everyone.
There was a good reason dd could not attend, the same reason incidently that her dd could not attend an event with my family the year before. The reason was accepted with no problems by us, we totally understood her reason. x

coolcait

cjj wrote: »

Hi
... Someone told me she was very upset with me over this refusal ....and I telephoned her to ask if she was upset with me and she said she definately wasnt.

January20 wrote: »

... I think you have a manipulative friend and might be better off without her.

Who is doing the manipulating?

The friend? She says she definitely wasn't upset.

'Someone' else? They've managed to slip under the radar quite successfully.

As has the OP.

"Not going into the details" has its merits.

But it also avoids examination of the OP's role in any misunderstanding.

As ever, I think the best advice on the thread is "talk to her".

The OP and her friend have the details of what has happened. They need to to each other, face to face, to see if there is any chance that they can work it out

cjj_2

i was just seeking advise that is all on something which is bothering me. I was trying to give as many details as possible so I would get some advice. Im really not trying to be manipulative at all x

Acc72

January20 wrote: »

What do you mean? That you want to know what she didn't want her dd to take part into? It doesn't matter really does it? She didn't want her dd to do it, told her friend twice, friend still asked dd. What else do you need to know?

I don't make assumptions by the way. I read a post carefully and then write a post with my opinion.

There is a lot of detail that the OP hasn't given.

We do not know the age of the daughter, although from the thread it is fair to assume that she is very young.

If you read my post (17) I asked the OP who actually told them that the friend had asked the daughter to the event.
If it was from the daughter herself, then I suggested that given her age she may have misunderstood the context of whatever comment may or may not have been made by the OP's friend.

However, based on this limited information given, in your post (12) you came to the conclusion that the friend was trying to "blackmail" the OP, and that the friend was "manipulative" and that the OP "might be better off without her".

If that isn't making an assumption then I don't know what is.

Going back on topic ...... the OP has subsequently said that the reason her daughter could not attend the event was for the same reason that her friends daughter could not attend her event last year.

Could this be a case of tit-for-tat ? - if not, then the friend may think that this is the case.

victory

Well yes tit for tat if a grudge is being held but how did the friend know there was a grudge without being told and why bide time a year later to have the same excuse/reason/same scenario to ruin a friendship?

What is the reason they both had?

Kay_Peel

I think you need to look at the way you speak to her. You tend to put her on the spot - which is commendable in my opinion, but it's not working to repair the rift.

In the past you have been straightforward and to-the-point but she seems unable to respond honestly to your questions. So she tells you giant porkies like: 'No, of course we haven't fallen out' and 'I'm not upset, honest' or 'There was a mix-up on Saturday, sorry'.

For some reason she can't handle your directness. She avoids you by putting her phone on divert. She can't tell you what she really thinks or why she's still bearing a grudge from the event incident. Some people are like that - they'll squirm and fib when challenged, just for a quiet life.

I think you've got to accept that she's like that and that you're not going to repair the rift by talking about it. So leave it in the past. Here's a few suggestions for dealing with her:

The next time you meet, it would be better to be in a group, rather than just the two of you. Talk about other things and just have fun.

Try emailing her rather than dropping things on her toes by phone.

In general, just back off a little.

Good luck!