Cant believe Ive fallen out with my lovely friend

January20

cjj wrote: »

Hi
I have had lots of great advice from all you lovely people on here and so once again I am turning to you with a problem I have.
To cut a long story short at the back end of Aug a good friend of mine asked my child if she could attend an event and I had already said she couldnt. I felt like she had gone behind my back really as she had already asked me twice if my child could take part in this particular event and I had said she was unable to.I think she was wrong to then ask dd. Hope that makes sense as I dont want to go in to all the details as we could be here a long time. Someone told me she was very upset with me over this refusal even though I had a very good reason and I telephoned her to ask if she was upset with me and she said she definately wasnt.
As I only see this friend regularly in summer months I just found out that on Friday my friend had arranged a night out but neglected to invite me and oh. We are usually invited out with this group of friends.

I texted my friend to ask why and she did not get back to me. So I rang 4 times from my mobile and it said call diverted everytime. I rang from oh phone and got straight through so I asked if she had blocked my number. She said she had not. Apparently the night out was one big mix up and I would love to believe that but I feel the whole thing seems a little odd. Any thoughts would be appreciated. TIA x

A lovely friend? Are you sure? A lovely friend who tries to blackmail you in doing what she wants you to do by asking your daughter when you've already said no twice? I think you have a manipulative friend and might be better off without her.

BitterAndTwisted

You haven't fallen out with her. She's fallen out with you. And over a pretty trivial matter as well. I'd be having a really long and hard think about why you would want someone who goes behind your back like that in your life. I know I wouldn't. Someone who can't be honest with you isn't worth the trouble.

victory

Does your friend understand the reasons you said no to your DD attending? Does she think it was a real reason or a made up one? Does she feel hurt by that? Has she got over it?

ariba10

It is events like this that makes me eternally grateful that that I am not a female.

If you want her friendship, why not just ring her up and ask to meet for a coffee, if you don't then just let it go.

POPPYOSCAR

For me the worst aspect of this is her speaking to your daughter when you had already said no.

I also find this the behaviour of a manipulative person and a selfish one as well, she obviously did not care about any potential bad feeling this could have created between you and your daughter.

Acc72

cjj wrote: »

To cut a long story short at the back end of Aug a good friend of mine asked my child if she could attend an event and I had already said she couldnt. I felt like she had gone behind my back really as she had already asked me twice if my child could take part in this particular event and I had said she was unable to.

I agree with fannyanna's comments earlier.

Also, who told you that your friend asked your daughter to attend "behind your back" ?

Was it your daughter ? - how old is she ? - maybe she/you misunderstood the context of a comment made by your friend ?

It is also difficult to understand as you have not said why your daughter could not attend in this event.

Did you explain this to your frind ? - was it a case that you would be on holiday and would be out of the country on that date or something that your friend could consider "trivial" ?

Acc72

January20 wrote: »

A lovely friend? Are you sure? A lovely friend who tries to blackmail you in doing what she wants you to do by asking your daughter when you've already said no twice? I think you have a manipulative friend and might be better off without her.

I am not sure where you get some of your assumptions from ?

For all we know the OP's child might have been playing with the friends child and the friennd made an innocent throw away comment that it was a shame that they wouldn't be at the "event" as they have such fun when they play together.

adamantine

move on. she wants to act like a 2 year old then let her. ive had a carry on with "friends" this past weekend and its all so bl00dy childish. you are both adults but neither of you are really acting like it. you are chasing after her saying "so-and-so said you said this", "are you blocking my number?", "why wasnt i invited to play too?

she obviously has a problem with you saying no when its your right as a mother to say whether DD can or cannot take part in anything. let this one go and move on. if she was a friend she wouldnt be talking about you behind your back or blocking your number.

KiKi

Lovely friends sometimes screw up, and lovely friends still have faults and insecurities, just like the rest of us. It doesn't mean they should just be dumped. The misunderstanding might be for all sorts of reasons.

I have a VERY lovely friend who does get stroppy with me sometimes, because there are things in her life that press her buttons and cause her to behave oddly. I don't like it, but I accept it's part of who she is because we all have reactions to certain things for whatever reason. If it were every other week I'd be seriously talking to her, then making a decision about our friendship, but it's so unusual, I just move on from it. I'm sure I sometimes react to things that bother me!

You've asked her if there's an issue - she's said no. Take her at her word. Don't pander to her behaviour, don't be off with her because you're convinced she is cross. If she continues to behave badly then you need a conversation. But accepting her answer and getting on with the friendship lets her know you won't indulge any game playing.

Chances are she'll either realise she was being silly and move on with you - or possibly continue playing silly wotsits. If she does that, then you have to talk to her, at which point she won't be able to say there isn't a problem.

If you are someone who can't let it go, then have a further conversation - but she might deny it if she's embarrassed that you've cottoned on to her behaviour. With my friend, she realises that her behaviour doesn't get her the reaction that she wants. So it's become less and less evident.

With friends as lovely as that, give them the benefit of the doubt - there could be all sorts of confusion going on.

KiKi

January20

Acc72 wrote: »

I am not sure where you get some of your assumptions from ?

For all we know the OP's child might have been playing with the friends child and the friennd made an innocent throw away comment that it was a shame that they wouldn't be at the "event" as they have such fun when they play together.

Please re-read the first post - carefully - and you will see I make no assumption. To help you: "To cut a long story short at the back end of Aug a good friend of mine asked my child if she could attend an event and I had already said she couldnt. I felt like she had gone behind my back really as she had already asked me twice if my child could take part in this particular event and I had said she was unable to"